Star Control II: The Ur-Quan Masters

Made by Accolade, released in 1992

Captain Fwiffo

Current Zar note: I did this LP in 2006! Still figuring out exactly how in-depth I wanted to go into with these... I left my write-up mostly unchanged.

I think maybe these screencaps are so small cause I wasn't playing fullscreen. I SHALL INVESTIGATE MORE THOROUGHLY LATER.

At any rate.

Let's visit Pluto!

Pretty calm place.

Why what do we have here. I'm going to touch it.


Full transcript:

!!!! Mayday from Surface !!!!
We have come under fire from an alien vessel we found hiding on the surface of Pluto!
We have returned fire, but our stunner can't penetrate the ship's hull armor.
Captain! They killed Kowalski, Fritz, Chin, O'Donnell, Luigi, and all three of the Liebermann Triplets!
We are initiating Emergency Launch Procedures.

Hee, the Spathi. The Spathi are one of my favorite races in Starcon2. I love them so much. Their music is really frenetic and silly, which I love. It's not quite as "irritating" (I DON'T THINK ITS IRRITATING but I know some people with like...taste would disagree) as some other races music (coughorzcough) but it's still pretty silly regardless. Most notable for it's little boing noise and the WAAO. WAAO. WAAO. noise near the end.

Here's the original MOD
Here's the MP3, very close
There are two UQM remixes for the Spathi! This one is Safe Haven, for the Spathi Homeworld, which is frenetic and possibly even more hyper than the original
Here's the second, Fwiffo's Starrunner, which is a bit calmer and more accurate to the original song, haha

I think the best description of the Spathi comes from the Starbase Commander:

"Imagine facing a cowardly, mobile clam armed with a howitzer
and you've got a good idea of what it's like dealing with a Spathi."


Alex's favorite race is the Spathi, now that I think about it.

I really like saying Spathiwa. Try it. Just say it out loud right now. Spathiwa.

Fwiffo's on to me.

I skipped some dialogue in here. It goes as follows:

Captain: What are you doing here on Pluto?
Fwiffo: About 20 years ago, this region of space was dominated by a loose confederation known as the Alliance of Free Stars,
which was composed of the aliens native to these parts who didn't want to be enslaved.
They made a valiant effort against the superior Ur-Quan forces
and it even looked like they might miraculously defeat the combined Ur-Quan armada
right up to the point at which the Ur-Quan totally defeated - indeed, annihilated them.

Which leads us to...

Skipped some stuff:

Fwiffo: When the Ur-Quan armada entered this system to subjugate formally the Earthlings,
the Ur-Quan presented the hunams with the standard slave options:
join the Hierarchy as combat thralls, and retain some autonomy, including the right to travel through space
or become a 'fallow' species and return to pre-atomic savagery on the surface of their homeworld
encased for all time beneath an impenetrable force shield.

Hehehe. Hunams.

hee. Missed a line here:

Originally, we were stationed on Earth's moon, which made us Spathi a bit uneasy

Hee hee.

I just did the recap fer this one in interests of space.

THE ULTIMATE EVIL we will see later.

I love this.

This is one of my favorite quotes from this game.

I missed a few lines but you can see them here. Death-dealing starship, hehe.

The Shofixti are great, and this is why.


Fwiffo's history is great. I skipped a part of it tho. I shall reproduce it here.

I was born a poor, green encrustling, the youngest child of a family of 18,487.
My male parent had to work hard to support us, very hard
but each of my brothers and sisters and I tried to help out to make ends meet.
The female parent was kind and sweet to all of us.
Why, she once even called me by NAME; she said
`Fwiffo! Fwiffo darling! Would you please answer the door? I think someone's there.'
What a treat! A golden memory.
I swiftly matured into a fine example of my species and with my parents' assistance, achieved independence.
Specifically, they pried me from the doorjamb, and rolled me into the street.
Thus prepared, I set out to make my fortune.
I had great dreams in those days, yes, great dreams!

This is an important point.

And so we end our visit with Fwiffo.

HOWEVER there are lots of ways to tweak Fwiffo. Most Spathi are easy to tweak. Some potential dialogue with Fwiffo includes...

Captain: We suggest you immediately perform whatever cultural practices are customary to your species preceding death.
Fwiffo: Certainly, most gracious destroyer, as is well known, before departing this mortal helix
all Spathi must complete the short, poignant ritual of Wezzy-Wezzah to be assured of a secure afterlife
and by allowing us to fulfill this requirement, you too shall be granted immortality in our beautiful afterworld
which is absolutely guaranteed to be free of similarly immortal monsters who would otherwise eat the both of us.

Captain: I find myself moved by your deep commitment to your rituals and ancestral ways. You may live.
Fwiffo: That settles it, for now I am certain that you are an honest and friendly being
who is forced entirely through unfortunate circumstance - the unreasonable hostility of the Universe
to travel the galaxy in a ship which, according to my sensors
is best suited for conducting planetary-scale genocide.

Another one of my favorite random lines:

Captain: Now you must pay for the crimes of your craven masters, the evil Ur-Quan.
Fwiffo: In this difficult situation I am reminded of what my clutch maven once said to me before my first molting.
`Sometimes the enemy is so swift and the path so treacherous that you can run no further.
It is then that you must turn and resolve to fight
and in all likelihood die horribly
but you never know when you are going to get lucky, so go for it!'

Captain: Give us your ship or you will be destroyed!
Fwiffo: You build a strong case, Captain.
Here I am, alone and undefended on the surface of a hostile alien world.
Above me you hover in orbit, encrusted with beam guns, missile launchers and other, more dreadful weapons.
So I think to myself: Fwiffo, is it prudent to remain here, as vulnerable as a moltling on a skillet?
`NO', I answer myself, `JOIN THE HUNAM - HE IS KIND AND GOOD!'
But then a wicked voice whispers:
`beware... the hunam is tricking you! If you join him, you will die alone, in the cold of space.'
And for reasons beyond my understanding, Captain, this voice overwhelms the other
and so I must remain here...largely against my will.

There are some great lines for Spathi in general, but I'll do those later when we hit Spathi Space for real.

Next up, the Pkunk!

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