To begin with, like Snatcher, I know practically nothing about Fallout. Well that's not true, everything I know about it I learned through osmosis through my brother Alex because it's one of his favorite games of all time, and he's played it like eighty billion times. Part of why I'm doing this is so he'll stop whining at me to play this finally. BUT ANYWAY
But for a basic idea of what Fallout is like, you know the nuclear war paranoia of the 1950s? The whole aesthetic and art style and that? Take that era, then throw it in a post-nuclear war dystopia, a la Mad Max somewhat, and you've got Fallout kind of. Sort of like Steampunk, but not quite... does retro work for this kind of thing?
Anyway, it has a weird sense of humor and a lot of different paths, and I'll probably end up dying my first time through or screwing things up or something BUT THAT'LL BE PART OF THE FUN I GUESS. Apart from that, I don't really know much about the game itself SO IT'LL BE NEW TO ME TOO.
OKAY getting Fallout to run on my computer was pretty tricky, but I managed to find a weird app that'll let it run okay. Problem is the cinematics don't work at all. SO YOU WON'T GET ANY OF THOSE. But I will sum up.
Also you can watch the intro yourself if you want. One of the fun things about this is that the Fallout tagline is "War... war never changes..." and the tagline for MGS4 was "War... war has changed..." so whenever me and Alex start that quote we finish it a different way. Haha.
BASICALLY it breaks down like this.
Nuclear war. Almost everyone dies, except people who managed to reach some underground Vaults. This includes you. Your Vault's water chip breaks, meaning no more water for your Vault and imminent death for everyone who lives there, so you're sent out to go find your Vault a new water chip. GOT IT
These are the... what's the word I'm looking for. Predefined characters? I guess for lazy people who don't want to make their own. MAX STONE YOU ARE AN UGLY MAN
YOU ARE NOT THE RIGHT MAN FOR ME
Has problems with moose and squirrels.
What was that joke about the only thing surviving a nuclear holocaust being lawyers and cockroaches?
ANYWAY THESE ARE ALL BORING, I'M MAKING MY OWN CHARACTER
Here you can see part of the art style that Fallout's kind of known for. That little dude there is kind of their mascot. I LIKE HIM, SO I TOOK A LOT OF CAPS OF HIM.
Could be useful.
Ooooo NPC reactions, this sounds intriguing.
And dialogue options!
Keep in mind I have no idea how the game actually works, I'm just going by whatever they're saying here.
That little dude doesn't let anything get him down. What a trooper.
Heh, I think your character's from Vault 13.
ONE MORE FIGHT, I CAN TAKE IT
CAN'T GET ME DOWN
I just really love these little illustrations guys. YOU WILL SEE ALL OF THEM.
Haha, this would probably be one of my traits.
Haha his face
That's a bit creepy looking.
Definitely turning this one on.
I asked Alex about these traits, but he says stim addiction doesn't really play much of a part. :O
This would probably be my other trait.
ALRIGHT so at this point I asked Alex what I should do. He recommended Gifted and Bloody Mess SO THAT'S WHAT I'LL DO. Now to change me into a lady.
Also apparently your age caps at 35, interesting. ANYWAY MORE PICTURES.
Man you'd think this picture would look more... I dunno, painful?
or was it his other arm, I forget
JUST FLIP THE PICTURE, LET'S GO PEOPLE
Small guns are always good.
Fun, but you almost never start with one.
Care and feeding?
Probably don't want to get too close to things as a general rule.
These kind of skills would be more useful if you didn't have limited ammo.
THESE SOUND USEFUL.
For the thiefy among us.
Apart from removing traps, this seems a bit too specialized.
I WANT THIS SKILL
Something about the phrasing of this is hilarious to me.
Alex's favorite skill.
Are there many plants and animals left after a nuclear holocaust?
Anyway I asked Alex what skills were ACTUALLY useful and eventually decided on these. :B
GIVE HER THE NAME OF CHAMPIONS AND LET'S GET STARTED
Here's the final layout for those more familiar with Fallout to laugh at.
OKAY and now we're actually doing stuff! I'd explain how the system works but the screenshots don't really make it very clear. SO. Keep an eye on the left bottom window there, the one with the bright green text. That's where flavor text tends to pop up when you look at something, shoot something, that sort of thing.
THE REST OF IT, USE THE POWER OF YOUR IMAGINATION
Here's my inventory. Thank god I have an extra lipstick in case I lose the first one.
Skills? Alex explained how this worked to me and now I'm totally blanking. I think you click on a skill then on what you want to use it on? Something like that. WELL ANYWAY.
One of those games that lets you equip different things in different hands. I got a gun in one. That seems like a good choice.
35% OF DARKNESS
No actually that's a cave rat coming up to say hi to my ankles with its teeth. The percentage there is the likelihood I have of hitting the rat when I shoot at it. PRETTY SELF EXPLANATORY.
Stylish victory earns me extra exp.
A map! Alex says you don't usually use this. WE'LL SEE.
Oh man, I have a feeling me and that time limit are not going to get along.
You can do a lot of stuff with the Pip Boy I think, but since it's so early on there isn't a lot open. I think.
I like games that give you notebooks like this that keep track of all the quests you have running. I have a memory like a sieve you see.
As usual, I went into the game settings just to make sure, which I try to do before I start playing any game really. YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT SETTINGS YOU CAN CHANGE.
Alex actually came over my shoulder and told me what to turn on and off. I THINK THIS IS WHAT WE ENDED WITH.
Click my giant spider hand on this ship wheel here.
MY ACCESS CODE IS PLENTY GOOD
TRAITORS! I'LL BE BACK!
Searching dead Ed here, and hey, a knife. I bet I can sell this or something.
Being a skeleton and all, I'd imagine someone would look pretty dead.
I tried to get some shots of the rats exploding in bursts of gore but I sadly was not quick enough on the screencap key. A SHAME.
Bleeding out its eyes and mouth, we're doin good.
I WANT TO RAISE THE DEAD
my poor crushed dreams
So outside my valley everything's the same then
A horned kangaroo, that'd be something.
So here's our overworld map thingy. Alex said go right, SO
Apparently these can completely screw you over depending on what you get. Rats aren't too bad. Raiders or something, you're boned. Or so Alex tells me. Also your Luck influences what kind of encounters you get. I think.
Radic has a childhood fear of huge rats. They all must die.
Oh yeah, this is one of the cooler things about Fallout, and something that I think is a recurring feature. Basically you can target certain bits of a creature or person or whatever to do more damage, or cripple someone, or what have you.
Alex always aims for the eyes or groin from what I can recall from watching him play every now and then, but they can be a bit hard to hit. 58% IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME
Anyway, moving right along.
Hey a thing. I don't know what that thing is. Hmm.
GIANT PREYING MANTISES
shoot you in your thin insect legs
this doesn't seem to be going well
SCREW IT RUUUUUN
After that embarrassing encounter, Radic makes it to the next town without further incident.
I think this is one of those games where if you really want to, you could shoot and kill everyone in this town. Although there's no real reason to do that. Unless you want to loot their corpses I guess. THE CHOICE IS YOURS.
Would you like a broken facemask, doggy
The dog refuses to talk to me. Lame! I'm a main character! I should be able to talk to animals! Well whatever.
Let's talk to this Seth guy here.
Ooooo rad scorpions, my favorite kind
MISSED A SHOT HERE SORRY
-kill raiders to the southeast at some point
MAYBE I WILL
But first let's trade! I want that rope. Rope is useful in every game ever made.
Have this knife I stole off a dead guy. It's probably not cursed.
Bottle caps are currency in Fallout! I asked Alex and he has no idea why.
Yes delicious rope, delicious puzzle solving fuel, mmm
Let's talk to Katrina, who smiles like the sun.
Help me smileylady, sun hurts eyes
I will need to what now
So the barter skill may be useful after all! But Alex says not really.
WAY AHEAD OF YOU LADY
I WAS JUST HEADING TO VAULT 15 ACTUALLY what a coincidence
Alex says you get experience when you ask her about this.
This function is apparently totally useless. You can type in things to ask about, but nothing really happens. Or so Alex tells me.
LET'S WANDER THIS BEAUTIFUL VERDANT LANDSCAPE
HELLO THERE, PEASANT. Why you really do resemble a pathetic loser. I can make fun because I lived in a vault, ha ha.
DON'T LIKE MY POINTY CURSOR JABBING INTO YOUR SIDES DO YOU
GET BACK HERE
Desperate to avoid her, the peasant begins trying to converse with the wall.
Fine go ahead and talk to the wall like a psycho I don't care
People milling about in a grubby house, just like every day.
PLENTY OF VAULTS AROUND HERE RIGHT
I'd much rather kill you and loot your body then sell you bad equipment.
Wow, what a lovely change of heart.
MY CHARISMA WINS THEM ALL OVER
Here I decided to obsessively look at everything.
Here I realized that looking at things seems to be mostly useless and moved on.
Hello biker dude from the 80s, join my merry band
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY GIANT MUTATED SCORPIONS WOULD CAUSE PROBLEMS FOR PEOPLE
Some of these are out of order if you haven't guessed. WOOPS.
I will DESTROY THEM ALL
Would leaves really help with that?
Warm to the touch, adds some whispering voices to your thoughts to spice up your adventure.
Miss you left your text behind, miss
BEFRIEND ME OR I'LL SLAY YOU ALL
Would BBs really be in high demand? Well actually they might be, I dunno.
WOAH SOMEONE GOT A PORTRAIT
they've got to be important
I'M STILL NOT CLEAR ON WHAT YOUR MOTIVATION IS SO FAR
What, she doesn't offer to join me? YOU ARE MESSING WITH ME.
Alex said you can get her to join you later somehow but I forget how right now.
Wednesday is orgy night.
I like how I'VE BEEN POISONED@! seems to be a bit more urgent than healing.
Hello Razlo's Wife who apparently couldn't get a name of her own.
THANKS THAT WAS VERY HELPFUL
Some doctor. I'LL HEAL MYSELF, SCREW YOU
Aradesh is the dumpy monk? Oh.
Aww cmon it's a good story.
I DON'T TRUST EASILY BUT I'LL TRUST YOU ANYWAY
I'd make a reference to that one X-Files episode but that seems a bit distasteful.
Why smell-o-vision will never catch on.
THIS SOUNDS LIKE A PROBLEM I SHOULD SOLVE
I could go ask him, but he lives all the way over there.
LOOK YOU WANT ME TO KILL THESE RADSCORPIONS OR WHAT
Man Aradesh make up your mind
Mmmm mutated chicken
Are they related to the Tubulartoads
How it doesn't collapse in on its own weight, it's amazing
Dang a week's already gone by. BUT I NEED TO HEAL
Nine days, not so bad.
BUT INSTEAD OF KILLING THE RADSCORPIONS LET'S GO DO SOMETHING ELSE
What can be inside Vault 15? People? A water chip? WILL THE GAME END SO QUICKLY? Find out next time!