Bronze - Zetsuai since 1989

I'M NOT OVERREACTING WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT



Current Zar note: I eventually branched out from just doing game screencaps to doing them for yaoi as well since a bunch of yaoi is ridiculous. As a warning, if you're unfamiliar with yaoi, it in general plays pretty fast and loose with consent! There is often a lot of "no but yes" on the uke's part and at times it's just flat-out rape. I usually mention if it's rape, but "no but yes" shows up a lot in yaoi so be warned if you are sensitive to that kind of thing! Otherwise it's just something you've got to roll with.

Most yaoi also involves sex so these are DEFINITELY NSFW and are for adults only!

I did this LP (?) in 2013! I left my write-up mostly unchanged.




A while back I made fun of a ridiculous 80's anime called Zetsuai, but did you know there was a sequel? It's called Zetsuai Bronze, or Bronze: Zetsuai, or After Zetsuai 1989 Bronze or something whatever the word Bronze is involved, that's all that matters. Anyway I'm sure the question of what happened with Sephiroth and Heero Yuy was eating you up inside SO NOW YOU WILL FINALLY HAVE ALL YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED!!! ...or not.

Do you remember before when I said the one word I'd use to describe Zetsuai's art style was long? Well as far as I can tell a new art team has taken on Bronze and they have a different approach!

I would describe it instead as pointy.


Linedancing.

Yup, linedancing.

the town red with my great dance moves

That's a feeling most artists can relate to I think. I bet Bronze will be a moving and emotional story that will totally justify this quotation!

Off to a great start.

also i replaced my foot with a banana

Thanks for the hot tip, I never would have thought of that!

No!

oh god it's touching me oh god don't move don't move

the way i come in here and pass judgment on how you live your life, who could resist

those arms do look up to the task

Cupcake Wars?

I feel like I missed something here

Remember when I almost raped you that one time? Haha, fun times

Dare I

spoiler: his songs are not very good

IT'S COMING RIGHT FOR US

i was cutting up a pickle earlier

can you taste it

Definitely no other options I can think of. Also that bed is a complete square.

NOTHING UNUSUAL HERE

that accomplished nothing

lol

now what is THIS thing down here, what is this supposed to do

Flattering angles await you in Zetsuai Bronze!

Nailed it.

Just LOOK at his chin. Look at it. I've seen yaoi parodies with better anatomy than this. It's mind boggling.

(Is Bronze patient zero of yaoi art cliches?)

What an odd thing to do after I punched you a couple minutes ago!

Must've brought in someone competent for the backgrounds.

The next morning there's a note!

I BETTER GO SEE HIM OFF AT THE AIRPORT!

Seph he's only leaving for a week

Pine needles, burning tar, a hot cow. Engraved in my brain.

Or brakes, apparently.

Why let a traffic accident interrupt your internal monologue?

CAN DO

thought i heard some ridiculous melodrama out there

Oh there we go.

Wear a helmet, kids!

Story of your life, Seph.

NO YOU'LL JUST MAKE IT WORSE

Sounds like a good enough segue into EXPOSITION LAND BEEP BEEP

When I get my magic girl compact you're dead man

Find that hard to believe.

She has noodles for legs.

must have BLOOD

Kite flying, chasing hoops with sticks, running down to the Ol Fishin' Hole, antics, rascaling, all meaningless.

Oh right.

FEAR MY REEDY ARMS

lol

SEPHIROTH, OUT

Not even when I was sitting on a giant piece of chocolate behind the filming of Mad Max.

Don't get greedy now

can someone PLEASE get that giant face off that building

spiderhands, spiderhands

Oh wow, look at that dude's fingers in the back there. Jeez.

more high-waisted pants

woops dropped some of my ice cream on you there, i'll get it

COULD IT BE YOU, AUDIENCE??

thanks for letting me kiss your leg once bye

now to begin the feast

WHAT ARE THE ODDS

That is a straight-up yaranaika face.

You seem older somehow, Heero. Must be my imagination.

constant anger at everything around me

Who wouldn't want to wake up to find that their boyfriend had been staring at them in their sleep while weeping uncontrollably? ULTIMATE ROMANCE

WHO IS THIS WOMAN

birth control pills?? that was my guess anyway

What an amazing story.

GIVE US SOME OF YOUR BLOOD SEPHIROOOOTHHHH

My fish prefer miniature supernovas for lighting, thank you.

Quality Somy brand

And where'd this other hand come from

oh i have the vapors

And here we find the airplane mating ground, where little airplanes are born

Nice to see you too

CHUCK E CHEESE? NO!

WHY DID YOU MAKE HIM OVERREACT AND CRASH HIS MOTORCYCLE LIKE THAT

>8|

Hmmm, that's a puzzler.

Oh it's always all about you isn't it Heero

your father's taking a nap, don't mind him

The hundred dollar question!

Uh no thanks i'm fine really

this is just getting more and more uncomfortable

CAN WE CUT TO SOMETHING ELSE PLEASE I WOULD APPRECIATE IT

there we go

Yeah I always have crystal clear memories of whenever I pass out.

DOES he?

also keeps wearing slippers everywhere

Oops.

Or will they i dunno

I'm sort of buzzed

Furious at everything around me sounds good

Legs that went on for miiiiilessss

Ate a sack of White Castles maybe

hurrrrrrrr

Another yaranaika face!

shan't

Well got that done, time to go to school

a funeral?

Is it just me or is this actually legitimate reasoning for this here

with your FIST

wait what

I announced to no one in particular

My enormous shoulders are up to the task.

What an odd expression

Heero's face is a popular vacation spot for hands today

~*~*~DRAMA~*~*~

Glad to see you're keeping yourself busy, Seph.

In this scene the part of Sephiroth will be played by a GI Joe doll.

Another coat knocked out of someone's hand, I am on a ROLL

ludicrously tall? (but aren't we all)

Lotta punchin goin on here

Take a second to really admire the proportions on Relena there.

I can't handle the sudden twists of this story guys, they are too unexpected for me.

near, far, wherever you are

Very pleased by the prospect as you can tell

I know YOU'll understand, flowers.

What an odd way to pick up a rose.

Oh hey that's right, the whole horrific childhood trauma thing.

Let me put on my wrestling costume first

Seems like that'd be tough, what with him being in a coma and all.

Also your head is a slice of pizza... oh wait- oh god, oh god no

Hands, spiders, same thing

wait what

heero are you turned on by evidence of seph going off and sleeping with chicks?? or does seph wear lady's perfume??

Yes, nailed it.

Gonna go lambast that fern over there now.

Seems about right.

WE WERE HAVING COFFEE, WHAT'S GOING ON

No I just dragged him out of the bed and plopped him on my lap for ducks.

uh we were kind of in the middle of something

and then come back in a week BUT I CAN'T HANDLE THAT

Take a moment to admire Heero's chin in this shot.

so i'm going to give you the BLOWJOB OF A LIFETIME

There go my eyes, rolling down the street.

ENOUGH OF THAT CONVERSATION, LET'S CUT OVER HERE NOW!

and you seem so happy about the prospect too!

Careful, that thing could put an eye out.

pout

anyway yada yada let's skip some stuff

hello there brotherclone

who is that guy on the right there, i like that guy

Says you, lipsyncing totally works

It sucks when the cars all play Red Rover together, they always win

Please study the last two screencaps carefully so you can fully appreciate everyone's expressions.

I don't really know what this means but it seems sword related.

Reeve and Palmer make an unexpected cameo.

Jumpy lawyer guy, what's your deal

Hey, it's Matt Engarde again!

did that lawyer escape another yaoi anime or something, look at those uke eyes

I'd be like "what are you talking about" but that would involve caring about anything going on here.

Tiny torsos! For the broad-shouldered among us

He was wearing white socks before. He was!

Let me just get undressed before I chop you in half

chin jutting out like a mountain peak

that door was 30k what is wrong with you

HIS DOOR CHOPPING SKILLS ARE UNPARALLELED

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE

IT'S TOO BORING

SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE

lol look at that bald guy in the back, whaaaat

this show should be about that nervous lawyer guy

instant improvement

who

sure why not

lolol

perfect

Hey it's Christmas! Incidentally a romantic holiday in Japan, which I'm sure is entirely a coincidence here.

You know why do you even care, Blondie

SUP TINY BEAR

HO HO HO

YAHOO!

do my girly features comfort you

sorry i wasn't listening, this towel is delicious

This is a real product that was made by people and sold for real money. People were paid to draw this and people paid to watch it. I just want you to keep that in mind.

Sounds legit

I just said he did it Heero, are you listening

Perfect, cut, print.

Huh, that's more than I was expecting from this.

my sweat smells amazing

also put on a shirt honey, it's cold

You are so weirdly invested in this relationship, buddy.

Just what I wanted!

There's a question.

Buurrrrrnnn

MY MUFFINS

The confetti is great, thanks random dude.

REAL MONEY WAS SPENT ON THIS

if only my face could be that pointy

Apparently Heero works at a restaurant where he also has to wear fake glasses?

Fffffoorrrr?

I bet you guys will get a KICK out of this! Ha ha!

Faaaaantastic.

Who interrupted our date night?!

Quick, everyone come and watch!

CHEESE IT IT'S THE FUZZ

Poured grape jelly on me, the monsters.

Haha look at all the blood on the snow, that's great.

Go IN the church? Nah.

Oh you're still doing that?

Yes, did you call me?

what are YOU doing here

And empty (just like your soul)

SHOULD i get up and get some more bean dip? I don't know, but...

Why don't you take your earrings out while you sleep

Seph what is your problem

ESTUANS INTERIUS

cookies...

hahahaha

do my fingers smell like lemons

deeeeeeehhhhhhhh

Pythagoras' wet dream

can't look at him anymore

I'm having a generic emotion

cram my finger right in here

Anyway enough of that

Have to lift all these weights by myself

I'm trying to wash this lettuce, do you mind

A game of Pick-Up Sticks gone horribly wrong

cityscape, my one weakness

How common are enormous chunks of ice in drinks, anyway

dohoho

Meanwhile, at Evil Co.

Take a second and think about how Matt is holding that drink.

COULD EVIL BE AFOOT???

What a flattering jacket

Also didn't I used to play soccer or something? That sounds familiar but

DOES THIS SMELL LIKE CHLOROFORM TO YOU

you WILL join our interpretive dance troupe!

Maybe you wouldn't be so bored if there was literally anything else in this apartment besides beds and a space heater.

Maybe he was abducted by aliens, i dunno

Oh and I guess there's a clock too

mercy where am ah

There we go

Careful clonebro you'll cut your hand

About the right reaction

just looking ridiculous over here, don't mind me

YOU GUYS MY HAND TURNED INTO A BASEBALL GLOVE!!

Gonna feel myself up a little here

Oh hey, speak of the devil

DO I???

At least that's what I've heard, haven't really seen him play soccer at all lately

gdyou hands you have betrayed me for the last time

I'm just really amused by Matt's jazz hands here, don't mind me.

in a COMA remember

so far all we've really seen is I LOVE YOU DON'T LEAVE ME

woops forgot to color in the blood there

this is all YOUR fault spiderhands

>:|

Yup, Heero looks convinced alright.

Well that was anti-climactic.

Heeeeyyy that's the title of the show!

A VICTORY FOR GOOD!!?

with their tiny tiny heads

lololololol

LOOKIN GOOD, SEPH

who is this guy again

what happens to them? WHO CARES, IT'S OVER!!

oh no wait we get a song first

like it... melted...

NEVER FORGET THIS SCARRRRR

And with that random assortment of images our story comes to a close! EVERYTHING RESOLVED NOW GET OUT

I think you can actually watch this on youtube if you're curious about it, but why would you?

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