Most yaoi also involves sex so these are DEFINITELY NSFW and are for adults only!
I did this LP (?) in 2013! I left my write-up mostly unchanged.
A while back I made fun of a ridiculous 80's anime called Zetsuai, but did you know there was a sequel? It's called Zetsuai Bronze, or Bronze: Zetsuai, or After Zetsuai 1989 Bronze or something whatever the word Bronze is involved, that's all that matters. Anyway I'm sure the question of what happened with Sephiroth and Heero Yuy was eating you up inside SO NOW YOU WILL FINALLY HAVE ALL YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED!!! ...or not.
Do you remember before when I said the one word I'd use to describe Zetsuai's art style was long? Well as far as I can tell a new art team has taken on Bronze and they have a different approach!
I would describe it instead as pointy.
the town red with my great dance moves
That's a feeling most artists can relate to I think. I bet Bronze will be a moving and emotional story that will totally justify this quotation!
Off to a great start.
also i replaced my foot with a banana
Thanks for the hot tip, I never would have thought of that!
oh god it's touching me oh god don't move don't move
the way i come in here and pass judgment on how you live your life, who could resist
those arms do look up to the task
I feel like I missed something here
Remember when I almost raped you that one time? Haha, fun times
spoiler: his songs are not very good
IT'S COMING RIGHT FOR US
i was cutting up a pickle earlier
can you taste it
Definitely no other options I can think of. Also that bed is a complete square.
NOTHING UNUSUAL HERE
that accomplished nothing
now what is THIS thing down here, what is this supposed to do
Flattering angles await you in Zetsuai Bronze!
Just LOOK at his chin. Look at it. I've seen yaoi parodies with better anatomy than this. It's mind boggling.
(Is Bronze patient zero of yaoi art cliches?)
What an odd thing to do after I punched you a couple minutes ago!
Must've brought in someone competent for the backgrounds.
The next morning there's a note!
I BETTER GO SEE HIM OFF AT THE AIRPORT!
Seph he's only leaving for a week
Pine needles, burning tar, a hot cow. Engraved in my brain.
Or brakes, apparently.
Why let a traffic accident interrupt your internal monologue?
thought i heard some ridiculous melodrama out there
Oh there we go.
Wear a helmet, kids!
Story of your life, Seph.
NO YOU'LL JUST MAKE IT WORSE
Sounds like a good enough segue into EXPOSITION LAND BEEP BEEP
When I get my magic girl compact you're dead man
Find that hard to believe.
She has noodles for legs.
must have BLOOD
Kite flying, chasing hoops with sticks, running down to the Ol Fishin' Hole, antics, rascaling, all meaningless.
FEAR MY REEDY ARMS
Not even when I was sitting on a giant piece of chocolate behind the filming of Mad Max.
Don't get greedy now
can someone PLEASE get that giant face off that building
Oh wow, look at that dude's fingers in the back there. Jeez.
more high-waisted pants
woops dropped some of my ice cream on you there, i'll get it
COULD IT BE YOU, AUDIENCE??
thanks for letting me kiss your leg once bye
now to begin the feast
WHAT ARE THE ODDS
That is a straight-up yaranaika face.
You seem older somehow, Heero. Must be my imagination.
constant anger at everything around me
Who wouldn't want to wake up to find that their boyfriend had been staring at them in their sleep while weeping uncontrollably? ULTIMATE ROMANCE
WHO IS THIS WOMAN
birth control pills?? that was my guess anyway
What an amazing story.
GIVE US SOME OF YOUR BLOOD SEPHIROOOOTHHHH
My fish prefer miniature supernovas for lighting, thank you.
Quality Somy brand
And where'd this other hand come from
oh i have the vapors
And here we find the airplane mating ground, where little airplanes are born
Nice to see you too
CHUCK E CHEESE? NO!
WHY DID YOU MAKE HIM OVERREACT AND CRASH HIS MOTORCYCLE LIKE THAT
Hmmm, that's a puzzler.
Oh it's always all about you isn't it Heero
your father's taking a nap, don't mind him
The hundred dollar question!
Uh no thanks i'm fine really
this is just getting more and more uncomfortable
CAN WE CUT TO SOMETHING ELSE PLEASE I WOULD APPRECIATE IT
there we go
Yeah I always have crystal clear memories of whenever I pass out.
also keeps wearing slippers everywhere
Or will they i dunno
I'm sort of buzzed
Furious at everything around me sounds good
Legs that went on for miiiiilessss
Ate a sack of White Castles maybe
Another yaranaika face!
Well got that done, time to go to school
Is it just me or is this actually legitimate reasoning for this here
with your FIST
I announced to no one in particular
My enormous shoulders are up to the task.
What an odd expression
Heero's face is a popular vacation spot for hands today
Glad to see you're keeping yourself busy, Seph.
In this scene the part of Sephiroth will be played by a GI Joe doll.
Another coat knocked out of someone's hand, I am on a ROLL
ludicrously tall? (but aren't we all)
Lotta punchin goin on here
Take a second to really admire the proportions on Relena there.
I can't handle the sudden twists of this story guys, they are too unexpected for me.
near, far, wherever you are
Very pleased by the prospect as you can tell
I know YOU'll understand, flowers.
What an odd way to pick up a rose.
Oh hey that's right, the whole horrific childhood trauma thing.
Let me put on my wrestling costume first
Seems like that'd be tough, what with him being in a coma and all.
Also your head is a slice of pizza... oh wait- oh god, oh god no
Hands, spiders, same thing
heero are you turned on by evidence of seph going off and sleeping with chicks?? or does seph wear lady's perfume??
Yes, nailed it.
Gonna go lambast that fern over there now.
Seems about right.
WE WERE HAVING COFFEE, WHAT'S GOING ON
No I just dragged him out of the bed and plopped him on my lap for ducks.
uh we were kind of in the middle of something
and then come back in a week BUT I CAN'T HANDLE THAT
Take a moment to admire Heero's chin in this shot.
so i'm going to give you the BLOWJOB OF A LIFETIME
There go my eyes, rolling down the street.
ENOUGH OF THAT CONVERSATION, LET'S CUT OVER HERE NOW!
and you seem so happy about the prospect too!
Careful, that thing could put an eye out.
anyway yada yada let's skip some stuff
hello there brotherclone
who is that guy on the right there, i like that guy
Says you, lipsyncing totally works
It sucks when the cars all play Red Rover together, they always win
Please study the last two screencaps carefully so you can fully appreciate everyone's expressions.
I don't really know what this means but it seems sword related.
Reeve and Palmer make an unexpected cameo.
Jumpy lawyer guy, what's your deal
Hey, it's Matt Engarde again!
did that lawyer escape another yaoi anime or something, look at those uke eyes
I'd be like "what are you talking about" but that would involve caring about anything going on here.
Tiny torsos! For the broad-shouldered among us
He was wearing white socks before. He was!
Let me just get undressed before I chop you in half
chin jutting out like a mountain peak
that door was 30k what is wrong with you
HIS DOOR CHOPPING SKILLS ARE UNPARALLELED
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE
IT'S TOO BORING
SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE
lol look at that bald guy in the back, whaaaat
this show should be about that nervous lawyer guy
sure why not
Hey it's Christmas! Incidentally a romantic holiday in Japan, which I'm sure is entirely a coincidence here.
You know why do you even care, Blondie
SUP TINY BEAR
HO HO HO
do my girly features comfort you
sorry i wasn't listening, this towel is delicious
This is a real product that was made by people and sold for real money. People were paid to draw this and people paid to watch it. I just want you to keep that in mind.
I just said he did it Heero, are you listening
Perfect, cut, print.
Huh, that's more than I was expecting from this.
my sweat smells amazing
also put on a shirt honey, it's cold
You are so weirdly invested in this relationship, buddy.
Just what I wanted!
There's a question.
The confetti is great, thanks random dude.
REAL MONEY WAS SPENT ON THIS
if only my face could be that pointy
Apparently Heero works at a restaurant where he also has to wear fake glasses?
I bet you guys will get a KICK out of this! Ha ha!
Who interrupted our date night?!
Quick, everyone come and watch!
CHEESE IT IT'S THE FUZZ
Poured grape jelly on me, the monsters.
Haha look at all the blood on the snow, that's great.
Go IN the church? Nah.
Oh you're still doing that?
Yes, did you call me?
what are YOU doing here
And empty (just like your soul)
SHOULD i get up and get some more bean dip? I don't know, but...
Why don't you take your earrings out while you sleep
Seph what is your problem
do my fingers smell like lemons
Pythagoras' wet dream
can't look at him anymore
I'm having a generic emotion
cram my finger right in here
Anyway enough of that
Have to lift all these weights by myself
I'm trying to wash this lettuce, do you mind
A game of Pick-Up Sticks gone horribly wrong
cityscape, my one weakness
How common are enormous chunks of ice in drinks, anyway
Meanwhile, at Evil Co.
Take a second and think about how Matt is holding that drink.
COULD EVIL BE AFOOT???
What a flattering jacket
Also didn't I used to play soccer or something? That sounds familiar but
DOES THIS SMELL LIKE CHLOROFORM TO YOU
you WILL join our interpretive dance troupe!
Maybe you wouldn't be so bored if there was literally anything else in this apartment besides beds and a space heater.
Maybe he was abducted by aliens, i dunno
Oh and I guess there's a clock too
mercy where am ah
There we go
Careful clonebro you'll cut your hand
About the right reaction
just looking ridiculous over here, don't mind me
YOU GUYS MY HAND TURNED INTO A BASEBALL GLOVE!!
Gonna feel myself up a little here
Oh hey, speak of the devil
At least that's what I've heard, haven't really seen him play soccer at all lately
gdyou hands you have betrayed me for the last time
I'm just really amused by Matt's jazz hands here, don't mind me.
in a COMA remember
so far all we've really seen is I LOVE YOU DON'T LEAVE ME
woops forgot to color in the blood there
this is all YOUR fault spiderhands
Yup, Heero looks convinced alright.
Well that was anti-climactic.
Heeeeyyy that's the title of the show!
A VICTORY FOR GOOD!!?
with their tiny tiny heads
LOOKIN GOOD, SEPH
who is this guy again
what happens to them? WHO CARES, IT'S OVER!!
oh no wait we get a song first
like it... melted...
NEVER FORGET THIS SCARRRRR
And with that random assortment of images our story comes to a close! EVERYTHING RESOLVED NOW GET OUT
I think you can actually watch this on youtube if you're curious about it, but why would you?