Star Control II: The Ur-Quan Masters

Made by Accolade, released in 1992

The Dill-Rats



Current Zar note: I did this LP in 2006! I left my write-up mostly unchanged.




Back to the Druuge for my Rosy Sphere!

But that's not what I WANT. :<

Basically, what this means is that if you're stranded in Druuge space without any weapons or back up, they'll kill you.

Maybe I can use the egg fragments to buy stuff here? Darn confusing menus.

It doesn't SOUND like a lot, but actually that is a lot of crew. The Starbase only has...what was it, 1900 people on board, and as you go through them, crew price goes up. Heh, especially if you go through them by selling them to the Druuge and all. It's not so much a factor if you revive the Shofixti, but if you don't go through that sidequest, crew can be a valuable commodity.

That description always cracks me up. THREE MYSTIC PRONGS. I am afraid the Trident WOULD master me. I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR WIMBLI.

Hahahahaaaa I love these descriptions so much. If you were wondering, yes, these three items were all part of the Utwig trade to the Druuge for the Ultron. Meaning they're essentially worthless.

Well, here goes nothin.

Hmm...okay, there's gotta be a way to sell these egg case fragments. OTHER MENU AHOY.

Alright!

These kind of things ALWAYS have subtle powers.

YEAH

I love that description.

Liiiiies the Utwig gave it to you while you smiled and plotted murder.

YOU BET I DO

Alright, that's pretty much all I need from them. LET'S GO MESS WITH THE ILWRATH. I haven't even bothered with them since my initial meeting with them way back in the first part of this. With my caster tho, this should be fun.

I...THINK this is their home system. Not sure tho. OH WELL CLOSE ENOUGH.

hehehehehehe

IT SURE IS tho I'm sure with less muffled giggling, as I'm sure the Umgah's broadcasts to them had.

CAPS.

I just love the idea of saying WE REQUIRE YOU DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY in all caps, since it's phrased in an almost polite way. Hahahahaa.

I'm assuming they mean other people's pain for those Chambers.

If you think about it, if YOUR god ever communicated with you in a way like this, that'd be a pretty intense experience.

The Ilwrath are still gullible morons tho. WHICH IS GREAT.

Hee hee hee.

Hee hee hee hee.

Haaaaahahahahaha. Dwe. IT SOUNDS GREAT.

yuuuuubuuuuuu

HAAAAAhahahahahahaaaaa

Hahahahahaaaa this is great.

LEAVE THE PKUNK ALONE

HMM.

SURE OKAY

Hahaha I'm gonna tweak em some more.

Hahaha gratuitous is great.

Can you guess how this is going to turn out?

Hee hee hee hee. I left and came back again...

hehehe.

I actually missed a line or two at the beginning, you can see it here.

Anyway, having had enough of bugging the Ilwrath as Dogar and Kazon, I decided to go bug some normally.

Hahahahaha.

"Sorry, I'm on an evil Jihad. Please leave your name and number and I'll get back to you as soon as possible."

Then they booted me out of the convo! I was shocked, I seriously thought I'd hafta fight them. What do you know. Oh well. Here I planned on harrassing the Thraddash, but then noticed I had like, no fuel. Off to Starbase!

Five centimeters...hmm. I always pictured it as being slightly bigger. That's a good size tho.

AND A VERY INFORMATIVE ONE IT IS TOO

Okay NOW let's go bug the Thraddash.

Since I'm pretty much done with the Druuge and Ilwrath for now, I'll grab their quotes and related ones fo yoo.

From the Druuge...

So fortunate for you! So sad for me. I fear this relic of the glorious past
was all that kept me from ending my life to leave this vale of tears.
Now what shall I do?

~This cracks me up. It's so sarcastic.

Ho-ho, Captain! Do not point the prongs at me in such a carefree manner!
I might have been accidentally incinerated, or transported to a hostile dimension.
You wield the Trident with authority, Captain.
I can tell that already you are realizing the true scope of this artifact's powers.

~Hahahaha I picture the Captain waving the Trident around going ZAP ZAP ZAP and his crew just being like >(.

I stride to the Sphere's containment vessel and pull it slowly from its ancient cradle.
The dust of centuries has made a gentle weld... there! It has come free.
Now, into your hands I place the ancient sphere. Do you feel that, Captain?
Has the warmth already penetrated the skin of your hands into your soul?
Well it soon shall, Captain. Just keep trying.

~From when you buy the sphere normally. Hehehehehehe. I love that last line.

You may be surprised to learn that we are deeply spiritual beings, Captain.
We worship our god with great enthusiasm.
You want details? Why certainly.
We Druuge are especially fortunate souls.
Most aliens we have encountered have, at best, a tenuous relationship with their gods
but we Druuge have an iron-clad contract!
Our document reads as follows:
Whereas the Druuge (hereinafter known as `the Worshipers')
wish to establish a long-term relationship with an omnipotent and all-knowing deific entity
(hereinafter known as `God' or `god')
which shall mutually benefit both parties, the parties agree to abide by the following terms and commitments
for the rest of eternity.
The Worshipers hereby promise to perform faithfully and to the best of their ability
the following
1. Worshipers shall make regular and sincere obeisance to God, including but not limited to
prayer, sacrifice, and the building of large structures.
2. Worshipers shall make every attempt to convert non-believers (hereinafter known as `Them')
making sure to obtain signed documents from same attesting to said conversion.
3. Worshipers shall not enter into an agreement with another deity, without written permission from God.
In consideration of the above correctly performed obeisance, God shall provide:
1. Continued existance with little or no modification to the perceived reality of the Worshipers.
2. No fewer than 3 miracles (Force Majeure), whose exact nature and timing
shall be left to God's sole discretion.
3. Worshipers shall enjoy some form of life after death
which shall remain a complete and total mystery to the Worshipers until such time as they die.
We, the undersigned, hereby swear to fulfill our obligations as defined above.
Signed, The Druuge.
(God, being omni-present and all-knowing is considered to have signed this document, by default.)

~I mean, this is basically religion.

We have scanned additional Mycon Egg cases on your ship
however, we have a sufficient supply, and do not intend to make further purchases of this commodity.

~for those curious, you can get three egg cases. I'm not sure how many you can sell to them. I think in the UQM version there are only two for some reason.

From the Starbase Commander, if you start selling crew...

Captain, I have an unpleasant topic to discuss with you, but this needs to be resolved right away.
There is some kind of wild rumor blowing around the starbase
that you have sold your own crew to the Druuge as slaves.
Pretty crazy, eh?
Look Captain, I know you would never do anything like that, and I'm sorry I even had to mention this
but now I can assure everyone that this is just one of those damn fool lies that gets spread during wartime.
Thank you for your patience, Captain.

I have just received incontrovertible evidence
that you HAVE been selling members of your own crew to the Druuge.
Captain, how could you!? Don't you know what the Druuge will use those men and women for?
Cannon-fodder, plain and simple. They are probably already dead, thanks to you.
It's a crime, Captain, a heinous crime -- even during wartime.
You must assure me that you will NEVER do this again!
Even with that assurance, great damage has been done.
With the word out on what you have done, it's going to be pretty damn hard to recruit volunteers
for your next trip.
I expect the RU cost for crew will sky-rocket.

Well Captain, we have another problem.
Your efforts on our behalf have been amazing, I truly believe that we may win this struggle
but these achievements have not been gained without a price.
Over a thousand of my people have gone away with you on your ship
and not returned.
A THOUSAND, Captain!
Crew are quickly becoming a valuable commodity, Captain
and I expect their RU cost will reflect this.

I cannot believe what I have just heard.
Captain, you are a heinous SLAVE-TRADER!
Your exchanges with the Druuge have become a horror story throughout the starbase!
If anyone here is stupid enough to join your crew, I expect the RU cost will be skyhigh.
If you weren't our only hope for freedom, Captain
I'd kill you where you stand.
As it is, expect me to bring charges against you when this is all over.

AND for the Trident and such since I'm not gonna buy them.

SUBJECT: Wimbli's Trident Device.
DATA: I presume this device is named `Wimbli's Trident'
because of the name, `Wimbli', crudely etched into its base.
SUMMARY: To be honest, Captain, I believe that the Druuge robbed you blind.

SUBJECT: Glowing Rod Device.
DATA: We had high hopes for this device, Captain, because of the constant, pulsing aura it generated.
However, I am afraid after investigating the object, and locating its concealed batteries' slot
we had to conclude that this was nothing more than a well-crafted toy.
SUMMARY: In the future, Captain, I would be very careful what I bought from the Druuge.

From the Ilwrath...

Listen!
Once More The Terrible Twosome Are Among Us!
Hear Our Thanks, Mighty Dogar And Kazon!
We Have Found Ultimate Pleasure In Your Cruel Service In These Alien Stars!
Though Our Enemy, The Thraddash, Possess A Tough And Chewy Exterior
Inside These Creatures Can Be Found A Most Smooth And Sweet Set Of Innards.
Their Low Bellows Of Fear And Agony Do Service To Your Names, Great Dogar And Kazon!
We Will Slay These Beasts In Your Name, Until They Are All Dead, Dead, DEAD!

Our Gods Of Darkness And Pain Call To Us Again!
Evil Dogar, Cruel Kazon! How Can We Be So Fortunate To Hear From You Again?
We Pray Thee Gods, Forgive Us For Not Yet Beginning The Slaying Of The Thraddash.
Quickly Now, I Must Rend Three Limbs From My Thorax As A Sign Of My Supplication.
AIEE!
AIEE!
AIEE!
It Is Done! Dogar And Kazon See My Fluids And Must Smile. I Am Happy!
We Make All Haste, But Are Limited By The Speed Of Our Avenger Starcraft.
We Know Our Pitiful Excuses Are Worthless...
We Must Show Our Shame With The Removal Of Yet More Limbs.
AIEE
AIEE
AIEE

~The Ilwrath are HARDCORE
For some reason the lack of ! at the end of the last three AIEE really amuses me.

Dogar! Kazon! We Hear Your Summons And Slaughter The Fat Jubby In Greeting.

~Okay, my imagining of a Fat Jubby is an Ilwrath that deliberately eats a great deal so that it can be a sacrifice for Dogar and Kazon whenever the time is right. I dunno, fat=more to sacrifice is my logic here. However, they could just be some creature native to Ilwrath homeworlds and such.

From The Black Pits Of Pain The Deific Duo Of Destruction Emerge Once More!

Our Gods Have Returned Once More, Just As Foretold By This Morning's Rituals!
When We Pulled The Steaming Entrails From The Squirming Sacrifice
and Flung The Fatty Loops Against The Walls Of Our Holy Chambers
the Entrails Stuck Tight, Neither Sliding Nor Peeling Even A Little Bit!
Thus Was Our Gods' Arrival Foretold!

What Is That? The Voices Of Our Gods Dogar And Kazon? Surely It Cannot Be!
And Yet My Set Is Tuned To The Mystic 44 -- Who Else Can It Be?
I Am Unworthy Of Such Attention As This!
Dogar -- Kazon! Your Divine Words Will Surely Consume Me.
I Beseech Thee! Speak Directly To The Leaders At Homeworld!
I Am Unworthy.

Hark! We Are Receiving A Holy Transmission.
Oh Dark And Gruesome Masters! I Am Honored With Your Attention.
But Great Gods, I Am But A Simple Ilwrath, A Humble Murderer.
I Am Unworthy To Hear Your Words!
Only At Our Homeworld Orbiting The Green Eye Of Dogar Are There Ilwrath Sufficiently Evil
to Understand Your Commandments. Forgive Me!

~Hehehehe sufficiently evil.

Caught You, Didn't I?
We Have Monitored Your Visit To This World With Great Interest.
Your Plans For Trickery Are Pitiful
And Make Dogar And Kazon Clack Their Mandibles Against One Another And Snicker With Amusement.
And So Now, Squishy Hu-Man
I Wonder What Sort Of Noise You Will Make
When I Pull Off Your Arms?
A High And Wailing Scream, Or A Low Moan Of Ultimate Suffering?

~Huh, I'm not sure how you can get CAUGHT by the Ilwrath. Maybe doing it too much? Hmm, now I'm curious.

Captain: It will be a pleasure blasting your ugly face out of the stars.
Ilwrath: I Have No Fear Of You, Feeble Mammal.
Though My Ship Lacks A Functional Cloaking Device, And Many Of Our Crew Are Dead,
My Gods, Dogar The Black And Kazon The Unseen, Have Personally Confided To Me
That They Despise You Hu-Mans, And That They Will Help Us To Kill You All!

~This is from way back when you first meet the Ilwrath Avenger at Starbase, way way back at the beginning of the game.

I See That You Have Come To Your Senses
And Are Now Prepared To Engage In The Festival Of A Thousand Screams.
Although Your Initial Rejection Of The Honor Was Dismaying,
We Realize That It May Have Been A Shock To Be So Privileged.
Ha Ha, Pinch Yourself, Hu-Man! You Are Not Dreaming.
Dogar Has Winked And Kazon Has Spasmed In Condescending Approval.
Today, Hu-Man, Is Your Lucky Day!

~Hahahaha I like the image of a spasming god.

Captain: Look, before you try to kill me, would you tell me a bit about yourselves?
Ilwrath: Though Such Information Is Normally Holy And Secret,
I Find I Am Unable To Contain Myself. Know This Fact, Hu-Man
You Are Hu-Man, Weak And Alone In This Universe With No Gods To Protect You.
I Know This, Because The Only True Gods Are Our Own Ilwrath Deities, Dogar And Kazon!
Dogar Is The Killer In A Black Cloak...
The Great Destroyer...
The Bloody-Clawed Murderer...
The Dark Beast With A Thousand Young!
Kazon, On The Other Claw, Is The Great Deceiver...
The Malevolent Evil In The Darkness...
The Unstoppable Monster Who Has No Pity...
The Hungry Lurker In The Night.
These Are Our Gods -- The ONLY Gods!
How Do We Know, You Ask? Because Dogar And Kazon TOLD US So.

~Heh, I get Lovecraft vibes from their description.

Captain: There is no need for conflict; let peace begin!
Ilwrath: Excellent! We Enjoy The Process Of Rending Life So Much More When The Life Giver Is Willing.
Come Now In Peace And Give That Which Makes You Live!

What? Can I Believe My Sensory Cluster? I Sense Hu-Mans!
I Dance With Joy For Our Good Fortune.
The Hu-Man Dies With Such Agony That It Cannot Help But Please
Dogar And Kazon.

What Is It? Mmmm, Hu-Man! It Has Been Long Since I Have Seen A Hu-Man Die!
We Will Bet On How Many Parts We Can Remove Before It Stops Making Noise!
Now, You Space-Ship Captain, Begin The Expedient Transfer Of All Hu-Man Crew
So That We May Waste No Time.

Ah, Hu-Man! You Join Us In The Celebration Of Dogar And Kazon!
We Grow Excited: The Hu-Man Makes Excellent Ceremony.
When We Peel It, Urgent Bleating Comes From The Noisemaker.
Then The Green Eye Of Dogar Observes Its Writhing Upon The Altar
And The Cilia Of Kazon Swell, Indicating Their Readiness For The Juices.
It Squirms With Vigor Until We Pop The Crunchy Noisemaker.
Rejoice! The Duo Of Deception Shall Receive Their Supplication.

Your Fortuitous Arrival Bodes Well For Our Ceremony Of Consumption!
The Hu-Man Must Prepare: It Must Perform A Complete Depilation,
And Then Anoint Its Surface With The Larval Paste Of Our Stillborn Offspring.
At The Altar Of The Duo Of Darkness We Suck The Bony Strength From The Fleshy Weakness
While The Hu-Man Squeals For Either Dogar Or Kazon!
Hu-Man, Listen Closely To These Words
Favor Neither God With Your Screams, Lest You Tragically Taint The Consumption!

By The Green Eye Of Dogar, It Is A Squishy Bone-Bag Hu-Man!
It Is Waiting For Kazon To Knead Its Body With The Cilia Of Dread
Until It Can Only Roll And Bleat.
Hah! It Can Only Hope To Be So Honored.
Even Now It Begs For Death And So Now I Must Decide...
Will It Be By Sequentially Bursting Sensory Apparatus Until Nothing Remains?
Will It Be By Shaking It Until It Is Oozing All Over?
Will It Be By Chewing Off Bits And Pieces Until It No Longer Functions?
Hmm, I Think Not The Latter -- Too Many Bones.

~I think squishy bone-bag is the best description for humans ever.

Captain: Ilwrath Vessel: State the nature of your mission.
Ilwrath: Hah! Puny Hu-Man! You Make Me Chitter With Amusement!
By The Will Of The Mighty Dogar And Kazon I Am Here To Make You Die, Die, DIE!

Captain: What is this `Doggone' and `Quasar' thing anyway?
Ilwrath: Incorrectness! We Come From The Eye Of Dogar.
Such A Quasar Exists Nowhere Near This Location!
Look In The Heavens At Location 022.9, 366.6
And Gaze Into The Depths Of Its All-Seeing Eye If You Dare!
Only By The Sparing Caress Of Kazon's Anointed Cilia Will You Survive Such An Act.
Else, You Will Bless The Altar Of Consumption With Your Ceremonial Blood!

~Hahahaha the captain cares so little

Captain: What are you Ilwrath doing here?
Ilwrath: In The Brief Golden Moment - During The War With Your Alliance -
We Ilwrath Enjoyed Unequaled Merriment And Festivities.
So Much Blood And Lymph Fluid -- Ecstasy!
Then, After The Ur-Quan Made Your Kind Fallow Slaves,
We Were Forced To Use Species Indigenous To Our Planet For Amusement.
We Lived A Pleasant Existence Until A Scandal Rocked The Ilwrath!
The Grah -- Our Favorite Species To Torment, Which We Carefully Maintained At The Brink Of Extinction,
Had Been Completely Consumed!
A Bureaucratic Error Was To Blame.
Quality Death Became Rare. Our Highly Advanced Civilization Began To Show Signs Of
Degeneracy.
In Our Moment Of Need, We Prayed To The Mighty Duo For Direction, And They Answered.

`Go Forth', They Said. `Seek The Bird Beings.
Pluck Them Slowly. Eviscerate Their Gasping Husks. Let Dogar And Kazon Drink Their Death And Pain!'
We Went Forth And We Found The Pkunk, But Hu-Man, Now We Are Supremely Joyful...
Because You Die So Much Better!

~I cannot believe the Umgah told them to do that and didn't end it with HAR HAR HAR

Captain: What's up with Dayglo and Crayon?
Ilwrath: Blasphemer! You Are Not Fit For The Most Holy Rituals Of Devivication And Consumption!
Dogar And Kazon Would Most Assuredly Gag On Your Sour Flesh
And Spit Your Thin Soul Onto The Ninth Mountain Of Hell.
Therefore We Shall Simply Cut You Up And Feed You To The Pets.

~So very little.

Captain: Your greed for lives seals your doom!
Ilwrath: You Amuse Us With Your Nonsensical Ramblings.
We Look Forward To The Careful Exploration Of Your Structure.
First, We Will Peel Back The Curious Follicle-Infested Outer Layer
Followed By The Greasy Blankets Of Yellow Lard.
Such A Confusing Hodge-Podge Of Parts Can Entertain For Hours!
Hu-Man, Prepare Yourself For The Festivities!

Captain: Goodbye, adios, ciao!
Ilwrath: You Leave? The Festivities Have Not Yet Begun -- You Have Uttered Nary A Single Scream!
Our Pain-Pots Have Been Freshly Mixed, And We Have Sharpened Our Poppers.
Wait! We Cannot Permit You To Miss The Happy Times Of Terror And Torment.

~I can only wonder what a Popper is.

Captain: When did you begin your devout ways?
Ilwrath: Hu-Man, You Do Not Understand. It Is As It Has Always Been.
When The Hatchlings Struggle From The Egg Sac
They Show Their Respect To The Twin Gods Of Death During Their First Frenzied Gorging.
From That Moment On, The Directives And Philosophies Of Dogar And Kazon
Are Manifested By The Hatchling.

~That kind of makes sense, actually, considering how most spiders are born.

Captain: I don't want to offend, but do you have any Good Gods?
Ilwrath: During The Dark Ages, Yes, We Were Confused By The Many Gods.
There Were Dozens Of Deities Ranging From Zith Of The Pelt
To Awk Of The Seds.
It Was Only Through The Careful Formation Of A Priestly Ruling Body
That The Ilwrath Were Able To Determine The True Gods Dogar And Kazon!
This New Priestly Cabal Revealed That We Must Discard All Other Gods
Be They Of Hearth Or Flowing Web.
Only The Priests Were Capable Of Interpreting The Will Of The Gods.
Their Order Refined Our Worship Until We Could Do No Better.
Specifically, All Heretics Were To Be Eaten,
And All Possessions Were To Be Delivered To The Holy Sites
Or The Priestly Dwellings.

~A LITTLE SUSPICIOUS, PERHAPS.

Captain: How do you pray and how do Dogar and Kazon answer?
Ilwrath: The Deific Duo Broadcast On Channel 44. Their Words Of Wisdom Are
Available To All And The Instructions Are Carried Out To The Best Of Our
Mortal Ability. We Know That We Are Pleasing The Gods Because They
No Longer Find It Necessary To Guide Us. In The Past, The Dark Twins
Were Compelled To Direct Us Almost Daily, But Now We Have Received No
Direction For Almost Eight Years. Indeed, We Diligently Monitor The
Channel Should Dogar And Kazon Choose To Be Heard.

~Heh, that must have been when the Spathi stole the Caster from the Umgah.

Captain: Why do your Gods broadcast on channel 44?
Ilwrath: They Do It For Us.
First, They Clear The Channel Of Messy Static And Interference.
Second, It Made It Easy For Us To Properly Identify What
Might Be Mistaken For Mad Rambling As The Sacred Words. You See,
Dogar Possesses 44 Eyes That See Into The 44 Planes Of Existence And
Each Of Kazon's 44 Sub-Tongues Is Made Up Of 44 Plump, Writhing Cilia.
Besides, They Knew We Were 'Captain Satellite' Viewers.

~I'd listen to "captain satellite".

Captain: Boy, you are the strangest looking critters.
Ilwrath: Yes, Our Striking Appearance Only Hints At The True Strength That
Resides Inside. Coursing Through Our Thorax Are The Fluids Of Life.
Like Yourselves, If We Leak In Excess, We Will Satiate The Sacrificial
Needs Of Dogar And Kazon. Our Mandibles Allow Us To Communicate,
Take Sustenance, And Deliver Pain. The Appendages You See Here
Allow Us To Manipulate Our Technologies And Will Regenerate When
Damaged Or Lost As Often Happens In Many Of The Rituals Of Pain. Our
Sensory Cluster Lets Us Monitor The Whim And Will Of The Deadly Duo
In The Complex Sequence Of Events That Leads Us All To Death.

~I'm surprised sometimes at what the Captain can get away with saying.

Captain: What made the Ilwrath what they are today?
Ilwrath: For Eons We Lived Appendage To Mandible.
Then, Many Millenia Ago, We Received The Guidance Of Dogar And Kazon.
This Enabled Us To Move Beyond The Simple Existence Of Tranquil Hunter-Gatherers,
To Become World-Striding Avatars Of Death And Destruction.
Over The Many Years, We Advanced Our Technology -- Always In The Name Of Dogar And Kazon
Always In The Development Of More Sophisticated Tools For Murder.
Then, The Gods Gave Us The Means To Go Forth And Commit Even More Glorious Acts!
This Was 29 Years Ago, When The Ur-Quan Improved Our Starships And Weapons.
The War Against Your Alliance Was Glorious!
But Alas, All Good Things Come To An End. You Lost.
We Honored The Wishes Of The Soft And Merciful Ur-Quan And Stopped Eating You Hu-Mans.
To Continue Our Festive Ceremonies Of Death We Began Employing Our Native Species For Ceremony.
Things Seemed To Be Going Well Until We Accidentally Exhausted Our Supply Of All These Life Forms.
We Became Distraught And Called To Our Gods For Guidance!
Then, Eight Years Ago, Dogar And Kazon Responded To Our Wails Of
Dismay By Directing Us To Devour Feathered Bird Beings-The Pkunk!
We Now Penetrate Deeply Into Their Home Space!
When We Complete Our Mission Of Genocide
We Are Certain That We Will Once Again Hear From Dogar And Kazon.

~I can't help it, I'm interested in history. Hahaha the Umgah, now that I think about it, are responsible for nearly killing the Spathi and the Pkunk.

Captain: Tell me about your fascinating customs.
Ilwrath: Ah, Our Culture Is Rich With Meaningful Tradition.
During The Birth Rite The Egg Sac Teems With Many New Potential Deaths
The Hatchlings Fight Over Their First Frothy Draught Of Blood.
In The Ensuing Frenzy, Many Hatchlings Are Consumed, Either Partially Or In Their Entirety.
A Frequently Performed Ceremony Of Affirmation Has The Participant Grinding Away Partial Or Even Whole Appendages.
It Is The Pain That Acknowledges The Greatness Of The Twins Of Excruciation
How Can They Help But Notice The Scream Caused By The Mangled Nervous Tissue?

Captain: So, what do you think of the Ur-Quan anyway?
Ilwrath: The Ur-Quan Are But The Instruments Of Dogar And Kazon, Even Though They May Not Admit To It.
This Is Because It Was The Evil Twins That Had Them Assist Us With Their Technologies And Resources.
Their Soft Merciful Nature Sickens Both Gods But They See The Potential That The Ur-Quan Possess.
If You Doubt This Statement, Notice That The Ur-Quan Dreadnought Is Staffed With 42 Crew Members.
Since Dogar And Kazon Exhibit The Quality Of Omnipresence
The Total Crew Complement Is Actually At The Auspicious Count Of 44!
That The Ur-Quan Are But Instruments Of The Dark Twins Of Death Is A Foregone Conclusion.

~Aha, so the max amount of crew on screen at any time is 42! Hehehe. What a cool little detail though.

Simply Put, The Ur-Quan Are Far Too Kind To Please Dogar And Kazon.
When Your Species Was Subdued, Our Gods Made Clear Their Desire For Immediate Deaths By The Billion.
We Made Plans For A Grand Ceremony To Be Called `Mountains Of Flesh'.
We Built Thousands Of Portable Altars, And Transported Millions Of Blood Gowns And Fillet Knives To Your World.
But Then The Ur-Quan Commanded That You Hu-Mans Were To Be Left Alive! The Confusion!
With Our Plans For A Magnificent And Most Holy Planetary Slaughter Forcibly Terminated
We Retreated To Our Homeworld To Sulk.

~Hahahaha sulking Ilwrath. I also like the idea of an Ilwrath with a Fillet knife. I have this image of an Ilwrath sharpening the knife on a stone with a human staring on in horror.

Captain: Do you really consider yourselves Evil?
Ilwrath: Ha! Evil! Of Course We're Evil!
Dogar And Kazon Would Never Reward A Less-Than-Hideously Evil Species With Their Baleful Grace.
Why We Are The Very Definition Of Evil!
Everything About Us, Within And Without, Reeks Of Heinous Deeds, Deceit And Treachery!
Even Our House Pets Are Rather Evil.

~hee hee hee hee.

Captain: But `evil' is that which is morally bad or wrong. And if your actions are judged by your society as correct, aren't you, in fact, good?
Ilwrath: Hmmm... We ARE All Evil.
We All Behave In A Mutually Agreed-Upon Fashion Of Murder, Torture, Deceit And So Forth.
Our Uniform Acceptance Of This Heinous Credo Creates An Orderly And Cooperative Society
Which Hardly Seems Evil.
Evil Is Doing Things That Make Others Hurt Or Fear.
We ALL Do That, Of Course.
But Since We ALL Do Such Things, As Sanctioned By Our Culture,
It Would Be `Bad' To Do Otherwise.
Which Means...
Er...
Puny Hu-Man, Do Not Play With Words! You Anger Both Dogar And Kazon! Now You Must Die!

~Hahaha word games.

Man I forgot what religious psychos the Ilwrath are. OH WELL. Next up, the Thraddash!

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