Star Control II: The Ur-Quan Masters

Made by Accolade, released in 1992

The Utwig

Current Zar note: I did this LP in 2006! I finally just give in and start screencapping everything. I left my write-up mostly unchanged.

I decided to hit the Utwig after the Umgah cause this time of year tends to make people depressed I've found (myself included, hyuck hyuck) and in light of this I find the Utwig amusing in a self-mocking way. They are so very angsty and depressed. Apparently the voices in SC2 made them sound whiny, which I dislike because I always thought of them as sounding more apathetic. Or just sad. Again I recommend that if you ARE gonna play don't play with voices. VOICES ARE LAME. PUT IN YOUR OWN VOICES. LIVE THE DREAM.

The Portal Spawner is so awesome. I love this thing.

Tho why it's shaped like that is anyone's guess. FUTURE TECHNOLOGY I SUPPOSE.


The Dnyarri has some good lines if you keep bothering him. I'll keep bugging him every now and then so I can grab some.

Pfff that's not helpful.


THERE thus why the remix is called that.

Wait til I bring this guy to Starbase!

Since I'm in Quasispace anyway, might as well visit the Arilou.

I wonder if the Arilou are advanced enough so that the Dnyarri don't present a threat to them?

pfff that was a bust.

That little silvery ship is the Utwig Jugger. More on them later. I hit this system mostly for...

Rainbow world!

Not sure why I took this one. Okay, whatever.

There we go. I might as well ramble about it here cause I'm not gonna be fighting the Utwig anytime soon.

The Jugger is one of the better ships in the game if you're a good pilot. Their primary weapon is a five pointed blast from their front end that does a good amount of damage and has fair range. Their primary blast uses no battery. Their second ability is their shield. This shield will protect them against all attacks in the game. What's the catch? This shield will use battery and Utwig battery NEVER comes back. That is, unless you get hit with something while you're shielding. Then the shield will absorb the energy and transform it into battery. What does this mean? Basically, you shield only when your about to get hit or you eventually become a sitting duck. This can be used against you by having ships fake you out until you run out of battery. Most of the time tho, the Jugger is a good solid ship that'll get you out of some tough spots.

Hee hee hee.

We'll learn more about the Utwig later (because apparently they CAN'T STOP TALKING ABOUT THEMSELVES). Their music is rather slow and sad, which is fitting I guess. Similar to the Dnyarri's music, really.

The original MOD
The Mp3, which follows pretty closely
Mediocre remix but I'll include it here anyway
The UQM Remix "Mask of Ultimate Embarrassment and Shame" which is really quite good. Has a sad chorus and people weeping and everything, really nice.
The second UQM remix "The Ultron" which is a bit more determined and not quite so depressed.


That's such a weird way to phrase it. Thanks Captain.


I mean, I guess that was a response.


That's a great saying. I'm adopting that.

I dunno, I'm feeling pretty good.


If by legend you mean "legend of the piece of junk those gullible halfwits the Utwig bought" than yeah I've heard of it.

Too bad not enough to stop it from breaking!

I love the Captain.

I love the phrase "Waves of trauma wash across my being even now."

Might as well pick up another Rainbow World while I'm in the area.


Fun trivia - originally after you visited all ten rainbow worlds, there was supposed to be an easter egg where you went to Groombridge and talked with the creators, but they decided not to go for it in the end. Time constraints, I think.

Hey, check out how hot that planet is!

My lander bravely sallies forth to show you what plumes of lethal fire look like.

WOW that was quick.

Pff screw this, Utwig homeworld here I come.

Or at least, that's what I THOUGHT until I remembered that Zeta Hyades is where their BOMB is, not their homeworld. This is another case of me getting ahead of the game. Ahehehe. Okay off to their REAL homeworld now.

Dang that's a lot of Juggers.



Wow, that's a first.

They're so upbeat.

Heh, crusty.


DID YOU GET IT? I have a sudden intense desire for cookies. Weird.

This is quite true, the Jugger is very effective against the Kohr-Ah for this reason. Not so much against the Kzer-Za cause their fighters are harder to predict and shield against and their blasts go faster, but still. There are few ships that a Jugger can't hold their own against. Well except the Chenjesu Broodhome, whose special ability involves releasing a very fast little thing called a DOGI that drains all your battery. Hahaha. Juggers are sitting ducks against a Broodhome. I'd say Pkunk would be as well but a Pkunk ship can outrun a DOGI. And Pkunk Furys can regain their battery.


I think the Kzer-Za are what distracted them.

Haha, the Captain just kind of ignores them.

Yeah, pretty much.

OH THAT'S WHY okay. I know what that means.



Okay, there's a theory that the Utwig are actually the Faz, a Sentient Milieu race that was slave shielded by the Ur-Quan like thousands of years ago. The guess is that over time the slave shield broke down. Mostly just cause their homeworld is called Fahz. There's not a lot of proof for it.

This could be about the slave shield falling, or just a metaphor. It's up in the air. I'm leaning towards metaphor though.

Of course it was.

I like picturing the Captain dozing off through most of this and waking up just seconds before.

Hahahaha yeah right.

With a bunch of suckers!

I dunno what happened with the text here. Weird.

Daft. Weird word choice.

I'm sure I would.

We'll learn more about the Druuge's deal with the Utwig as we go on.

Not to be picky, but given their anatomy, I don't think the Druuge CAN dance.

They'll testify alright.

Picturing the Captain just reading a magazine and looking up occasionally.

There were TWO shooters on the grassy knoll!

Remix title!

Hee hee. Lewd Monocle.

What, just in case someone walked in on them? Maybe their bathrooms work differently than ours.



Haha, I knew Zeta Hyades rung a bell in my head for a reason.


Came back to bug them and this was all they said. Boo.

Oh well. SUPOX TIME.

We'll be seeing more of the Utwig later after I fix their Ultron (Of course I'm going to fix it, haven't you ever played a game like this before?) so I'll try and find some quotes we won't see later.

Just go away. Leave us to ponder our grief.

Yagh! Your attitude toward us is not acceptable!
We apologize for having to deal with you this way but
since the loss of the Ultron, we have no choice.
As we prepare to die, so should you.

You have caught us in a private, dark moment.
We must guarantee your silence with your complete and total destruction.

Attention alien vessel: this world is under the full jurisdiction of the Utwig Proctorate.
We extend a subdued but civil greeting.

You have arrived at a most inopportune time.
Collectively, our species is dealing with a great remorse.
Nevertheless in order to foster a spirit of interspecies good will
we pull ourselves from our intense cycle of self-analysis
and offer this greeting which, we hope, will suffice.

Oh, woe! We find your presence here disconcerting.
In order to deal with the situation in such a way that we maintain some semblance of authority
we are forced to deploy our forces against your armada.
Prepare yourselves for battle.

In a fit of depression I find it necessary to vent my irreconcilable frustration on you.
I normally do not engage in such fervent activities
but I now find myself inspired to do my best to annihilate you with expediency.

You disturb our routine of eternal grieving
yet we extend to you the courtesy of acknowledgment.

I am so depressed. You can try to cheer me up if you wish.

~This line, to me, always seemed to sum up the Utwig entirely.

You have angered the spirit of the Utwig.
Although depressed almost to the point of inability to perform any actions whatsoever
we find within ourselves the verve required to engage you in a duel to the death.
Indeed, we will find satisfaction in your demise or in our release from our mortal burden.

Attention! Offending vessel! Your presence here is deeply appreciated!
You have stirred us from our depression-induced apathy
to the point where our desire actually registers as a sensation!
We look forward either to finding personal release in the netherworld
or obliterating you successfully.
We thank you for this opportunity!

Captain: This Bomb is pretty dangerous and you guys are crazy. I'm getting out of here!
Utwig: Ha ha, don't worry. Hey! I laughed! How could I do that?
Now I sink into a depression that leaves me speechless.

~hee hee. Since when I go to get the bomb later the Utwig will be gone, I'll throw up a few quotes from the Utwig that protect it.

The Bomb may have been left here by mistake.
We suspect that if activated, it will turn this entire planet
into nothing more than an expanding mass of tiny dirt clods.
We Utwig have considered carefully that perhaps it would be best to use this device
to put us out of our collective misery.
Although this may sound extreme, I will point out that our mishandling of the Ultron
is a disaster of epic proportions.

Captain: Just because you busted your Ultra-thingy, don't be a bunch of cry-babies!
Utwig: Gah! Now you've really done it!
Your blatant transgressions have me hopping mad!
Hop hop hop! Okay, that's it! Put up your dukes! Nobody makes fun of the Ultron!

~Hahaha this is the most worked up they get, I think.

Next up, the Supox!

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