Star Control II: The Ur-Quan Masters

Made by Accolade, released in 1992

The VUX and Admiral ZEX



Current Zar note: I did this LP in 2006! I finally just give in and start screencapping everything. I left my write-up mostly unchanged.




There are like...270+ screencaps for this one, as a warning.

You know, I was thinking about how if I kept doing these and no one ever commented, just skimmed over it on friendspages and stuff and I never got another question or comment about any of it for the entire rest of the game, which might take me months to do, I'd still do them. Immersing myself in the Star Control 2 world makes me feel better. It's so familiar, it's so deep but I know it so well, and I've known it for so long. There are so many memories around it. It's kind of like, these posts are inviting people to enjoy it with me, but it's still primarily so I can relive the entire game again myself because I loved it so much.

Anyway, I realized that DOSbox has an ability that'll let me rip sound effects right from that game and by using that, I can get mp3s of the original Hyperspace and Intro music, which I didn't have copies of before. Good stuff.

Hyperspace mp3, cuts off a bit abruptly.

Intro MP3, nothin quite like it. These might be a little skippy at points cause my emulation isn't perfect, but it's better than nothin, if you can't play MOD files.

Waiting around for a VUX to talk too. They come up on you reeeeeeal slow. Their ships are insanely slow. More on them later.

The VUX are one of the original races from the first game. You might notice this during Melee screens. Any species that looks like it's got a fairly detailed captain picture is a new species. There's a pretty big difference in terms of quality between say...a Pkunk captain's picture

As compared to a VUX or Shofixti captain.

Anyway.

One of my favorite VUX quotes ever, haha. I think this is my signature on Deviantart.

Anyway, the VUX are an old race of bigots who hate humans and human-like creatures, which does include the Syreen and the Androsynth. We'll find out more about exactly why as we go along. Their society is hung up on fashion and appearance and they're hugely vain. I think they've been compared to having a kind of Victorian-era mindset. At any rate, they're part of the Ur-Quan battle thralls and gladly enjoy working for them.

Their music is great, it's kind of menacing and weird.

Here's the original MOD
Here's the MP3, very close
Here's the UQM remix, Ultra Gross!! which kinda mellows out the original theme a bit
Acid in the Eye is a very long kind of trancey take on the theme, it runs like ten minutes :o

I made a lot of gifs of them because I love them.

Squiggly squiggly. ANYWAY

heee.

I love that their response has nothing to do with your question.

::insert intense worldbuilding about what kind of skeletal structure a VUX has here::

Curious? A long time ago, the first encounter between a human vessel and VUX ship happened with a certain Captain Rand of the Starship Miwok. I can't remember the VUX captain's name.

Now, the VUX's translation capabilities were well advanced (which in itself is intriguing), which means that when they first hailed Captain Rand, they could understand everything he said. Rand, however, had no idea of this. Therefore, when he saw a VUX for the first time, Rand blurted out the first thing that came to mind. Which if I remember correctly was something like "That's the ugliest freakface I've ever seen!"

This insulted the VUX commander so greatly that, as stated above, it soured human-VUX relations long enough for the Ur-Quan to swoop in and make the VUX Battle Thralls. We're going to be finding out more about this insult as we continue!

Random note, I think a joke among humans and various species is that VUX stands for "Very Ugly Xenoform" which I don't think the VUX much appreciate.

NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER SURRENDER!

Well darn.

As it turns out, Arilou are not really well-suited for VUX ships. VUX ships are extremely slow, but they can turn fairly well. Their main weapon is a highpowered laser, which has a limited range. This means that the VUX has to get in close to be able to use it, and given their speed, this is hard to do. Thus their second abilities - limpets. These little green creatures leave the VUX ship and affix to the opposing ship, slowing them down considerably. The limpets actually have some physiology notes but I'm lazy and don't feel like looking them up. Anyway, fast, small ships can be severely hurt by these limpets, as they hamper both your turning and your speed. Pkunk ships take a HUGE hit if they even get hit with ONE. Limpets I think can also be affected by gravity whip and such, and for small ships with limited range, a good VUX captain can nail them with a few limpets while they dart in for an attack. Eventually, the accumulating limpets will slow the enemy ship down enough for the VUX to swoop in and annhilate them with their laser. And that laser can do some NASTY damage let me tell you. Limpets also last past a battle, so if you're fighting three VUX and you get hit with five limpets in the first battle, you'll keep those five limpets until the end of the melee. If you're playing Super Melee and someone has a VUX who nails your little fast ship with a few limpets and then dies, you're still screwed cause that totally weakens you for future ships.

Fortunately for me, the VUX AI in the game is terrible. A good VUX captain will use a gravity whip to get up some speed, but the VUX in the game always accelerate after you no matter what. This makes them highly subsceptible to BUTT missiles, as we'll see.

Hehehe PukYor.

Thintho to the rescue! Flawless victory!

Flawless victory!

Flawless victory! Spathi ships ROCK.

What the rainbow world what

Pfff not enough VUX for me to bug here. Let's go to their homeworld.

Dum de dum

WOO

I love how creative the VUX's varied death threats are.

Dang. A teleport out later...

I like that phrase.

I thought there was a follow up to this that went "AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH" but I guess not.

Dang.

I ran into a planet here. :(

I think I ran into a planet again and then into the laser for a few seconds.

Pfff barely worth my time in terms of RU.

Neat thing I didn't know about until now - you can assign crew from your main ship to your fleet if they're running low. Heh, I used this to get Thintho back to snuff.

I actually triggered some weird kind of glitches. I had no fear of the VUX ships cause Spathi ships totally whupped them, so as a result I'd fly straight into them. After a battle or an escape, you flicker for a few seconds which usually gives you a chance to try and get away from a bad situation. In this case, it got an Intruder kind of stuck in my ship. I flew around for a while until finally it realized it was there and kicked up the conversation.

Four this time, eh?

Faceless?

GOD I LOVE THIS GAME.

Thintho come to mah aid

BAM

BAM

Stupid planets.

Five this time, eh?

I think this was the last thing the insulted me with for a while. :O

CAUSE I LIKE YOU :(

Thintho becomes my designated VUX killer.

ZEK! Not quite ZEX.

Hehe YUK. Also he zapped me with his laser for one crew. ONE CREW. The AI can be eerily accurate.

There, I managed to get a shot of a BUTT missile! Little purple thing.

Heh, PUZ.

Where on earth did the Captain get that?

I WON'T GIVE UP

Heh, ZUP and VIP.

At least I'll have some cash after this, tho I don't need it at all.

GETTING CLOSER!

I have, like, no respect for AI VUX ships now. I know if I meet a VUX I can just push it right over.

DARN IT!

Hee, FUP.

Eloquent, Captain.

FORGIVE MEEEE

Hehehe ZIT.

YUK!

Darn it, I got pegged that time.

I suspect there's some deeper reason for their refusal to forgive me! What do YOU think, audience?

Anyway, went and pestered them at their home planet again.

Hee hee, feeding orifice.

HOORAY

I think I picked up some vocab from this game when I was younger.

A variant on this made it into SC3!

Creator? Are VUX religious?

Waa. Why won't you love me, VUX.

Believe it or not, in the process of doing this, I completely cleared out their entire system of random floating ships. WOO.

Leave and come back in and presto!

Another one of my favorite VUX exchanges.

ORZ WHAT

God Spathi ships rock.

<3

Stupid planets.

I love this game so much.

Bad run on my part here.

Alright, enough of pestering normal VUX. Let's go visit ZEX!

God I love ZEX SO MUCH AGH

I MADE GIFS JUST OF HIM

Anyway.

enjoy. snerk.

Aww ZEX.

Expand it indeed. I KNOW WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME ZEX.

I picked up "repartee" from this game, I'm sure of it.

I don't particularly think of that as a question worth any kind of compliment, but ZEX is just trying to butter the Captain up.

Some small part, yeah right. ZEX was the reason that the VUX weren't totally annhilated in the war. When the VUX were pressed into the first war by the Ur-Quan, they were outclassed in terms of numbers, technology, strength, and logistics. ZEX was an absolutely brilliant military tactition, perhaps the best known space had ever seen. He came up with several manuevers, such as the Fortress Square and Dynamic Triangle, that maximized the Intruders benefits and abilities. He found new paths and unique ways to attack and surprise enemies through hyperspace, and used the VUX's natural skills at abstract mathematics and other things to their advantage. It was because of him that the VUX won victory after victory over the Alliance of the Free Stars. He was completely brilliant and without him, the VUX would probably not even be considered of note, maybe even extinct. They owe their continued survival to ZEX.

I like that ZEX is modest though. Unless he's trying to underplay it to try and appeal to the Captain, which I wouldn't put past him.

You see where this is going, right? RIGHT?

I picture ZEX giggling and it makes me smile.

PAUSE MUST BE ADDED FOR EFFECT

For reference, Vega was near where the Slylandro homeworld was. Procyon is way over near the Pkunk. That's a HUGE AMOUNT OF SPACE.

No, I couldn't tell at all.

HINT HINT I bet he secretly wants the Captain to ask for some kind of sexual favor.

Not quite sex, but still interesting!

Uh...not really. You flatterer, ZEX.

I know exactly what constellation he's talking about and where the creature is.

You think I'm making up all this ZEX-wants-to-get-in-the-Captain's-pants stuff? THINK AGAIN.

I wonder if there are other VUX who feel like ZEX does. I'm sure there must be somewhere. They're probably in his personal fleet and the crew on his ship.

I like the idea of him saying "they are forced to regurgitate" really quickly.

Long-term relationship. Uh huh.

HERE HERE IT IS

SEE? SEE?

Captain's on to you, ZEX.

And if that involves sexing up humans then SO BE IT

I really wonder how the decision to kick him out went down. Supposedly the Ur-Quan primat was involved.

He wants the Captain so bad. So bad.

I saved before I talked with him, so I decided to experiment with some different dialogue options.

ZEX just haha you cute idiot

Why on your part, ZEX?

SEX

You know, me and my fleet could totally kill you, JUST SAYING, you know, for no reason, just saying

::cough::

He's not lying. Actually no wait, he is lying about the warp nullificator. I didn't know that until I died on purpose.

NO JUST KIDDING

I killed some ships, then teleported Thintho out cause I got bored.

Then I realized I could show you the laser by dying on purpose! You see the small green dots near the laser? Those are limpets. That laser can do a LOT of damage REAL fast.

There, on my ships status screen you can see some dots on my ships profile. Those are limpets. Anyway, loaded my game.

IT'S CANON. HE WANTS TO DO YOU, CAPTAIN. Or heck, even just have some kind of romantic relationship with you. ZEX seems like he wouldn't be entirely opposed to romantic ideals. HE LOVES YOU CAPTAIN.

Not satisfied, I left and came back. ZEX TALK TO ME MORE

So much love. It's just like awwwwwwww. He really seems genuinely happy to see you again.

Inspire you. Right.

Then it goes into the whole thing again. Smooth-skinned friend, hee.

Left and came back again!

ZEEEX <3 <3 <3

Leave, come back again.

He wants you so bad. So bad.

So anyway, next stop, ZEX's beauty! God I hope it doesn't murder me horribly.

VUX quotes! I got most but not all. We'll see more of ZEX when I return with his creature.

Captain! You escaped after all! How remarkable!

~I'm assuming this is after you run away from ZEX in battle.

Human... we should be friends, not enemies!
The scope of our relationship can grow as close as you wish.

~Close you say

Captain: You lied, Admiral ZEX!!! There was no `warp nullification field'! Cheater!
ZEX: Yes, I lied.
Surely, if a small falsehood can prevent hundreds of unnecessary deaths, this is acceptable.
Unfortunately, you saw through my falsehood and no doubt lives were lost.
Let us cease this mindless aggression, before it is our undoing.

~Awww ZEX. He really doesn't want to fight you. I'd like to think not ENTIRELY because he wants to bone you.

Captain: We have no fear of any of your `devices'. Now we kill you!
ZEX: Unfortunate. Dreary... and unfortunate.
Captain, even without such a device, you must understand the overwhelming forces I have at my command!
You cannot beat me here. It is impossible.
But... if a fight is what you demand, so be it.

~Dreary? Weird choice of words. Just signing off with a sigh.

More normal VUX quotes.

Welcome back to total annihilation, where, as they say
once is silatious, twice is phlagrant melons
but the third time is when it really hurts.
Please stay seated until your vessel starts smoking
then feel free to dash your head painfully against the floor.

~I love how little sense this makes.

Congratulations for exhausting the VUX vocabulary of greetings to despicable life-forms.
May we take this opportunity to lock our femoral scrapers onto your ship
and to wish you an unpleasant afterlife.

Captain: Grotesque squids! Your insolence shall be your death!
VUX: You are the most vile, repulsive creature I've ever seen!
Did you know, your vomit-meter rating would be AT LEAST 96?
You bloated bag of protoplasm! You worm!!!
Watch everybody! We're going to kill the repulsive little monster now!

~I wonder if bloated bag of protoplasm is a direct reference to Ren and Stimpy? It wouldn't surprise me.

Look at those yellowish-white hard things in your mouth!
How do you keep from biting off that pulpy organ... Gross!

Yuck! Don't show your tongue like that. It makes me sick.
You are just as gross as those Androsynth from Eta Vulpeculae!

Forget it, human. We can't think straight when we have to look at you.
If you're lonely, go to Alpha Cerenkov and talk with that pervert, Admiral ZEX.

~Hee.

Captain: You are just a bunch of bigots. I thought you were better than that.
VUX: This IS embarrassing. We pride ourselves on being rational!
But you are so disgusting that we feel we just HAVE to kill you!
Like right now!

Captain: This has been useless. Goodbye.
VUX: Human, based upon our commitment to the Ur-Quan
and your general disgusting demeanor, we have decided to blow you to bits.

~Something about how frank this is cracks me up.

Wait! I have one last thing to say
Die!

For the good of the whole, I will now erase your putrid presence.

We have no choice. You are too wretched. We shall eliminate you.

Next up, ZEX's Beauty and the Shofixti Maidens!

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