Snatcher

Made by Konami, released in 1994

I'm going to open up a nice pie place here



Current Zar note: I did this LP in 2008! I left my write-up mostly unchanged.




A short one this time since I wanted to get through Outer Heaven in one go. :B

Anyway, last time we visited Snatcher, I went a cameo restaurant, spent a ton of money, and found a stripper who gave me information! It's like an episode of CSI.

I'LL HAVE YOUR BADGE SEED

Actually I went back and the Chief totally chewed me out about spending all that money. WOOPS.

HOW'D YOU DISCOVER MY TERRIBLE SECRET

...METAL >:(

YOU MADE ME DO IT GILLIAN

YOU MADE ME DO IT

Anyway let's get to work!

Ooo, this looks like it'll be fun. Especially since I can't remember what that stripper told me.

That's a real buttface 6 has goin on there.

That's pretty boney right? Yeah alright.

3 is making me vaguely uncomfortable.

YEAH ALRIGHT

You're a terrible investigator Gillian. WAY TO NOT TAKE NOTES OR ANYTHING

DON'T LOOK AT ME

I'M JUST THE PLAYER

He had a backwards L for a nose, that'll make him very identifiable.

HALF MAN, HALF CAT

As opposed to hair that just stays straight up all the time

LOOKS PRETTY FLOWING TO ME

:B

LEECHBOY KILLED THOSE MEN

AND I HAVE PROOF

:>

He was a real monkey of a man.

Hitler did it.

|>

uh

i like watching you sleep

come closer

VOTE FOR ME IN THE NEXT SENATORIAL RACE

I wouldn't trust this guy, I think he'd have something terrible in mind.

Alright, that looks kind of close to a real person now.

GOOD ENOUGH

What?!

Frick I thought I had it there.

Fine, be that way.

Member of an 80s band that broke up and dissolved into drugs. Now lives in Germany with his lifepartner, Eloise.

Any of you kids know where you can score Uncle Elmo some good drugs

SARAH CONNOR?

Your boss that likes leaning over your desk to look down your blouse a bit too much.

Joey you're too old for the gang, get out

DARN IT

I WANTED TO HUNT POMPADOURS

what seriously

wow

You did something a grade schooler could do! I'm so proud of you.

This guy kind of looks like Robert Hammond.

I instinctually dislike him

I'MA TAKE A WILD STAB IN THE DARK AND SAY THIS IS THE GUY

HIS WIFE WAS SNATCHED OR SOMETHING

HOLDS A GRUDGE

SOMETHING ALONG THOSE LINES

I don't think that montage looks like either of them personally.

ALSO KNOWN AS A "DRAWING". PEOPLE USED TO DO THAT IN THE PAST. WHAT SAVAGES.

YEAH NOW WE'RE GETTING SOMEWHERE!

CLOSE TO GETTING MY HEAD TWISTED OFF BY A PSYCHO ROBOT BUT SOMEWHERE!!

I made it with Jordan

look nevermind

THANKS I COMPLETELY FORGOT

Hmmmm.

That's reassuring.

Stay in school, kids.

:O

Huh.

But you just

nevermind

If you'd take Dracula's wiener out of your mouth for two seconds simon

NO FUNNY BUSINESS HERE

Thank god I don't have limited money, I hate feeling paranoid about stuff like that.

SHE'S PROBABLY FORGOTTEN HE'S DEAD BY NOW!

Pfff thanks for nothing.

ON SEVERAL RECOMMENDATIONS, I DECIDED TO CALL THE LOVELINE AGAIN!

Vagina.

durrrr

I have to interject here just to say the "My god it's true" line cracks me up because I hear it delivered in this quick nonchalant way.

OH KOJIMA ♥

Jamie it's three in the afternoon.

Oh yeah this. I got caught off-guard by different dialogue here so didn't get the intro to this conversation sadly. It was something like I LOVE YOU

I CAN'T DO THIS RIGHT NOW GILLIAN

WHY NOT

YOU'RE A LIAR

or something along those lines anyway

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

YOU HAVE AMNESIA, RIGHT?

RIGHT?

teach you a lesson, Gillian, about looking at other women

because i'm the only person you'll ever need

you have to learn sometime gillian

I don't want to hurt you but you need to understand

JAMIE NO METAL'S JUST TRYING TO GET INTO YOUR PANTIES

SOMEHOW

It'd be great if she just hung up, but she did not.

No it's my new boyfriend, I wanted your opinion on how he should do his hair.

EH WHATEVER LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD

Because it has the virtue of being first on the list.

I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO HIS HOUSE

WHAT A RIP OFF

I'm sure the bums are just visiting.

AHA I KNEW WE'D MEET THEM SOMEDAY

SHARE SOME WATER WITH ME

What a vague answer. GOOD THING I ALREADY LOOKED IT UP!

Also awesome abstraction of them as a problem rather than people, METAL YOU ARE FULL OF SLY COMMENTARY

Homeless people love fire!

What with their... not doing anything.

THOSE STUPID POOR PEOPLE

THEY'LL BE SETTING EACH OTHER ON FIRE NEXT

What modifications and what building codes

you know what nevermind

AND WITHOUT THAT HOW CAN WE SEND CHAIN LETTERS?!

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURN

someone's a bit bitter about having to molest a hobo

Why would you give a robot the sense of smell

that seems cruel

THEN YOU, ME, THE MENU OPTIONS

THEY'RE MADMEN I TELL YOU

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Gillian this is a good way to get yourself shanked.

FINE MAYBE I'LL ASK YOU LATER AFTER I'VE MET HIM AND THEREFORE TRIGGERED THE INFORMATION

OR SOMETHING

Duh Gillian.

And so he decided to be a homeless person? OKAY, SURE.

BY THE WAY DID YOU SEE ANYTHING ABOUT THAT

Will I actually be able to do this? I guess we'll find out later. :O

KOJIMA THIS ISN'T FAIR

I CAN'T RESIST AN OLD PERSON

much less an old person in trouble :<

IT IS MY SWORN DUTY TO HELP THIS POOR OLD MAN

hahahahahaha

WHATEVER I GOT AN OLD MAN TO SAVE

This dramatic sad music starts playing here.

I actually did feel very accomplished after doing this. KOJIMA YOU'RE EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATING ME

BUT I CAN'T REALLY COMPLAIN

unless like the old guy suddenly dies or something

THEN I WILL NOT BE HAPPY >:(

WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH IVAN? I GUESS WE'LL FIND OUT NEXT TIME!

My guess? He's dead.

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