Snatcher

Made by Konami, released in 1994

Wilkommen Bienvenue Welcome



Current Zar note: I did this LP in 2008! I left my write-up mostly unchanged.




LET'S SEE WHAT GILLIAN IS UP TO! Last time we checked in on him, he was going to a nightclub. A nightclub suspiciously called... Outer Heaven. IS BIG BOSS INSIDE? WILL WE KILL HIM WITH ROCKETS? ARE WE EVER GOING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO GIBSON? LET'S FIND OUT!

I can't believe I've only played this for five hours, it feels so much longer than that. Well, I guess not playing each new chunk until I post the caps for it so I can be continually surprised DOES take a while.

BUT IT IS A BETTER EXPERIENCE FOR ALL I THINK

That's right, I was being assaulted by a wolfman, now I remember.

OH GOOD, I ACTUALLY THOUGHT HE WAS A WEREWOLF FOR A SECOND THERE

ROAMING THE STREETS, DOING THINGS

What does? What are you talking about, Gillian

"Come see her step daintly onto yards and yards of velvet! For the obscure fetishist in you!"

[insert some topical joke about marilyn monroe here]

WHAT A LIVELY NIGHTLIFE no actually i was just looking at random things and being lazy about capping as usual

THIS "DISGUISE" CONCEPT SOUNDS INTRIGUING... BUT WHAT PURPOSE COULD IT SERVE ME, AN UNDERCOVER INVESTIGATOR?

"GET IN! GET IN!"

"NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

I always picture Gillian just sexually harrassing these people.

It's a good thing you climbed up on his face to check, Metal!

Unlike you, a professional dork.

yeah it's really doing some amazing stuff

Oh yeah, occasionally the barker will sneeze randomly. I'm not sure why. :O SNOW 9??? But Metal can still call from here. BIZARRE.

Not 360, that'd be ridiculous.

WHY, MAKING WHIPPED CREAM WILL BE A SNAP WHEN YOU ALREADY HAVE FLUFFY WHITE PEAKS LIKE THAT! NOW JUST PIPE THEM INTO THE CREAMPUFF AND YOU'RE SET!

that still sounds dirty

our matrons are requested to wear masks and makeup

WHAT IF I JUST PUT A HAND OVER MY FACE

DOES THAT COUNT

HEY OW

Adult is my favorite show.

Replacing boredom with the profanity of your choice makes this sentence much more interesting.

Anonymity, lots of people and drugs, no one will ever know what you did here. Except us.

IT'S NOT ILLEGAL IF TWO PEOPLE LOVE EACH OTHER

Like policemen but they don't really count

HMM

HERE, LET ME SHOUT IT FOR YOU JUST IN CASE YOU COULDN'T HEAR

OH HELLO OFFICER

MAYBE I WILL

i'm so prepared, guys

What kind of tricks? Like she walks out on stage, waves, and then walks off all THANK YOU GOODNIGHT!!

I NEED TO TELL EVERYONE

HMMM

I don't fear the sun, I'm a werewolf

sir are you propositioning me

i'm just a doorman

I can feel the sarcasm bleeding off this.

I WILL TAKE THIS WARNING TO HEART SIR

doink doink doink

I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE KOJIMA

there's that guy, sparkster or whatever, and those two guys from contra! Hahahaha. I think those two guys in front are from Castlevania, i think one's got fangs. Not sure who the dorks on the left are.

For those curious, showtime consists of that lady flopping around madly on the stage.

WHAT AN AWESOME PARTY YOU GUYS

NEEEEEEEEEEEEERR

It's a bustling market.

HA I WAS RIGHT IT WAS THE TWO DUDES FROM CONTRA HAHA

goemon and ueda, alright whatever

I have never played Sparkster, but I know what he looks like. :B

NEVER PLAYED THIS ONE EITHER although i have some neat remixes from it

TRUE/FALSE??

Is Goemon still around? I really have no idea.

Well that'd explain it, never heard of that.

That's weird, I have no memory of this happening. MAYBE IT DID THOUGH, HECK, I DUNNO

IT SOUNDS PLAUSIBLE

Did it?

Really.

I LOVE POINTING FIGURES AT PEOPLE

IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE PYRAMID HEAD PLAYING WITH SOME MANNEQUINS

MY GAMES DON'T KILL PEOPLE OR INSPIRE THEM TO SLEEP WITH 14 YEAR OLDS

GET AWAY FROM ME

Hee hee, I DID play Contra.

Kojima: lol

Kojima: lolol i need to explore this in the future

over and over again

BUT THERE ARE TWO OF THEM

Haha, I was right, Castlevania! Although to be fair when I think of Konami Castlevania tends to come to mind, along with like, DDR and Gradius and Metal Gear.

COUGH

hahahahahahahahaha I FEEL YOUR PAIN, GILLIAN

Kojima throwing his NES controller through his window in rage as another flying medusa head knocks him to his death.

As a sidenote, the fact that Gillian is a video game dork amuses me way too much.

IT AROUSES MY CIRCUITBOARDS SOMEHOW

PERHAPS THE SAME COULD BE SAID OF ALL RELIGIONS

YOUR WORDS ARE AS EMPTY AS YOUR SOUL

no wait that was richter

move your body

everyevery body

move your body

come on now everybody

Sparkster will cut you man

cut you like a b----

I like that Sparkster is still smiling while I grope him.

83

Ueda kind of looks like he's about to shoot me.

DON'T MAKE US PUT IN THE CODE

We're trying to have a romantic dinner here okay

hahahahahaha

I've never heard of that but as a wild guess I'm going to say it's a shooter.

CHICKS DIG MY VIDEO GAME TRIVIA

(call me)

Sir please take your hand out of my pants

Just your average everyday penis.

WHAT WOULD MAKE YOU SAY THAT

PICKY PICKY

I was wondering why she'd be dancing here if she's some huge star. I GUESS SHE'S NOSTALGIC FOR HER EARLY DAYS AS A POLEDANCING STRIPPER, BEING HARRASSED BY THE SHIP FROM GRADIUS AND A GUY WITH A BANDANNA

Darn it this is making me hungry

HEY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING??

WHOOPS

THIS IS KATRINA ALL OVER AGAIN

FINE I DIDN'T WANT YOU OR YOUR CRUMMY CLUB

I'LL GO SOMEWHERE ELSE

Darn it, edge of the screen trick doesn't work here.

Did I mention the potluck next week? You have to bring something, now that you're a member.

Make sure it's vegetarian.

NO, NEVER!!

DARN IT

big boss keeps his strip clubs under wraps

HAW HAW HAW

And then Harry punched Gillian right in the face.

Great ducking out of here to try and avoid anymore unsettling pedophilia vibes thanks

FINALLY

Haha, that's interesting that he won't tell me about the buffalo anymore. HE'S ON TO ME.

OKAY THIS TIME I WON'T SCREW IT UP

>::|

I see the manager still doesn't care about that at least.

PERHAPS I WILL TALK TO HER THEN

wow that looks kind of uncomfortable

Because i've killed men for that you know

HUGE, GLISTENING EYES

AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE

wow

I'M THE ONLY ONE YOU NEED, GILLIAN.

little does gillian know that all metal wants... is him.

OH SNAP

GILLIAN WHY ARE THERE SCUFFMARKS ALL OVER MY PRIZE ROBOT

i have no idea chief

WE'RE SO HORMONAL LIKE THAT, SORRY

Who knew that being assigned to Gillian would give Metal an irresistable urge to grope women?

I THINK JOKE IS A BIT CHARITABLE, REALLY

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DISAGREE WITH ME

GOD WHAT KIND OF MINDREADING MAGIC ROBOT ARE YOU

Oh Metal.

Haha that was straightforward enough.

Although I have a feeling that everytime we come back here during the game she'll still be dancing here.

HAHA BURN

oh god am i going to console her or smell her again oh god

Oh. Well that's refreshingly harmless.

YOU NEVER GIVE ME SWEET KISSES, GILLIAN!!!

i'm going to come after you when you sleep

Bad dog.

Hahahahaha Isabella you know the score

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURN

ICE COLD

Metal rolls his little robot eyes.

YOU OLD GEEZER

HAHAHAHAHA

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Nah

DUN DUN DUUUUN

Wow, with that available, who'd use sunscreen?

GIBSON D: JEEZ

...why?

OOO OOOO

THIS SOUNDS LIKE FUN

Despite the fact that this was obviously telling me to write this down, I did not write it down and promptly forgot most of it. WOOO

Gillian are you bored already

AT A JAUNTY ANGLE?

NICE TRY, GILLIAN

uh huh

BUT FIRST LETS PESTER THE CAMEOS!!!

... that's a bottle of sunscreen.

I SEE SOMEONE WAS CUTTING CORNERS

Who knew Seinfeld was a fan of Goemon?

what

IT'S NOT...?

i didn't mean to interrupt you in the middle of your blowjob sir

WHAT IS A MAN? A MISERABLE LITTLE PILE OF SECRETS!

YEAH WOOOO

god i'm hungry now

I'M NOT YOUR NANNY, GILLIAN!

I assumed this would be another Space Quest type thing where getting drunk gets you information. Also HEY WHY NOT

YOU ARE EMBARRASSING ME

Awww he doesn't even throw up or get dizzy or get mugged or anything what a ripoff

This seems unsettlingly threatening to me.

You won't like me when I'm angry, Gillian.

OH WOOPS

YOU COVER IT

WITH YOUR ROBODOLLARS

I NOT LIKE YOU DRINKING GILLIAN

I NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL

GOOD TIMES, GOOD TIMES

LET'S GO MAKE A MONTAGE!

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