Snatcher

Made by Konami, released in 1994

The only end, my friend



Current Zar note: I did this LP in 2009! I left my write-up mostly unchanged. Blood and death in this one!




Only 15 hours. Man.

This is a really stupid little detail I've noticed, but when you click the continue game option and it opens your files, it plays this short snip of something like it was starting a song and then stopped, and it sounds JUST like a snippet from Cyborg Blobby.

ooooooh yeah.

Gillian, stop rubbing me on the wall!

And then it turns into a beautiful fresco.

Level-4 hardness, really? That's a hard level of hardness.

Metal ignores Gillian's comment.

IT'S LIKE WE'RE IN AN AIR DUCT OR SOMETHING

I- wait what

what

There was the time that rat died in here, that was unpleasant.

:O

IS IT SNOW-9 well anyway look at this lovely floor

Neo Kobe sure has a lot of sand for a dystopian cyberpunk metropolis.

IS IT THE SAND FACTORY? NO WAIT I GOT THIS

Cleverly hiding their illegal sand smuggling by dumping it inside the Snatcher hospital's air ducts, yes I see.

I dunno, maybe a pen or something.

I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL MOMMY

NOOOOOOOOO

Tee hee naked

Also you mean THE ONE YOU KILLED?

And I guess naked Snatchers just play in the air ducts for fun then, why not.

Yes, I think we established that.

They like dropping out unexpectedly and scaring their friends.

AND ITS PRESENCE IN A SNATCHER HOSPITAL, THAT TOO

Why don't you just say "At least things can't get any worse" Gillian

METAL GOD DO YOU EVER DO ANYTHING

Gillian tempts fate.

Ooooh... kay.

WELL WE'RE DEFINITELY SCREWED NOW. Gillian's about as perceptive as a paper sack.

Well if you say so.

Can you hear my heart beating

Come closer to me lover

OH BOY A SEWER

MY FAVORITE PLACE TO BE IN A VIDEO GAME

#$^#&@

F--- INSECTORS, GUYS

SERIOUSLY

arrrrrrgh

What kills me about these things is that if one shoots you, your screen shakes for a few seconds and you can't fire. Which means if you have more than one on the screen, like so, they can easily chain their attacks so you're just getting pummeled without any way to return fire. SCREWING UP ONCE CAN MEAN INSTANT DEATH

F--- YOU INSECTORS

SNATCHERS ARE A BREEZE COMPARED TO YOU

This part took me a few tries, as you can probably guess.

FINALLY

ON THE BALL

METAL IT WAS HORRIBLE

(metal: you only have one?!)

Nikstlitslepmur: metal activates his video recording system
Nikstlitslepmur: moving into sinister phase two of 'make gillian lonely forever'
Nikstlitslepmur: gillian: FJLKSJLSD MY SINGLE BALL
Nikstlitslepmur: metal: really tell me about it
Nikstlitslepmur: gillian: IT GOT SHOT
Nikstlitslepmur: metal: really so it's not even in optimum condition anymore huh
Zarla: oh godi'm dying
Nikstlitslepmur: gilian: METAL I SWEAR TO GOD GIVE ME A BANDAE
Nikstlitslepmur: metal: for your single injured ball
Nikstlitslepmur: gillian: YES!!!!!
Nikstlitslepmur: the argument just goes on for hours
Zarla: alex is demanding to know why i'm laughing so hard
Zarla: i'mtrying to quickly sum up the metal/gillian stalker relationship
Nikstlitslepmur: their single testicle was shot by a spider robot
Nikstlitslepmur: it crawled out of a hole in an air duct
Nikstlitslepmur: and shot him in the ball
Nikstlitslepmur: he was injured
Nikstlitslepmur: injured bad

NO, REALLY?!

A birthday party, just for me!

Expect a hoverbike to go shooting down here any minute now.

WHAT IN THE WORLD??

Metal explains that it's a Tubeliner. Gillian deduces that THIS AND THE HOSPITAL WERE CONNECTED! DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH GILLIAN.

Metal continues by explaining how the Snatchers used the Tubeliner system to travel outside of the sunlight, and that they must have tracked in sand through the ducts while traveling to and fro.

That's why it took so long to find them! Gillian says, although my money is on EVERYONE BEING AN IDIOT APPARENTLY

Anyway, Metal and Gillian romp through the sewer tunnels. WHEEE.

I don't really care, since I'm a robot and don't need food. You, however, will slowly starve to death. Anyway, what's up with you?

PLUTO?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

:O gillian you're so mean

And my heart, longing for yours.

Woah, Ghostbusters flashback.

So did you see Bob about that tire thing?

"idiot" metal mumbles under his breath

Gets great reception.

LOOK UP THERE

And then Gillian punted Metal like a little football.

Actually no, there's just a ladder.

LADDER!!

DUN DUN DUUUN

Anyway, it basically turns out that they had a double-bottomed bathtub that connected to the Tubeliner, and they just drained it whenever they wanted to go anywhere. I KNEW SOMETHING WAS UP WITH THAT BATHTUB.

Let's proceed to poke and prod everything.

Good thing they're not Snatchers! Ha ha ha!

or so we think

THE FUTURE!!!

Gillian develops a phobia of mirrors.

Identification Section. Sounds like an easy gig.

"Well, that's a body. I'm on break."

I WOULD HAVE, IF YOU WOULD HAVE LET ME BACK THEN

Hey, there's that map! I bet I can take that map now.

Fun trivia - You remember how Lisa was all splayed in a provocative pose when I killed her before? In the Japanese version, her boobs popped out of her dress. Apparently the American art team wanted her to die with some modicum of dignity and covered her up. Thank you, american art team.

But just step over those, who cares.

Maybe because SNATCHERS COME FROM RUSSIA GILLIAN YOU MORON, CHIN SHU OH TOLD YOU LIKE TEN MINUTES AGO

WERE YOU NOT LISTENING

WHAT IS THIS, RETROACTIVE AMNESIA?!!

akdghahgja

GIVE IT TO ME GIVE IT TO ME GIVE IT TO ME

but Snatcher wouldn't let me pick it up. BAH.

Except for all the lasers and holograms.

NOT THAT WE'RE DOING THAT

Wow, that was quick.

lol

LIKE MEEEE?

The Snatchers probably laid eggs in there already, so

FINE IF YOU INSIST

NOT BEFORE I PESTER YOU INCESSANTLY

WOOPS MISSING TEXT

Thank you for that informative report.

But I'm interested in you. :)

Well I was already suspicious but that clinches it, this taxi is going to try and kill me in a second.

TO HELL! TO HELL! I bet it's to hell.

Yessssss

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave mariiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaa

A bit late there Gillian, as usual.

Anyway Chin Shu Oh is a royal pansy and goes down in like two shots. THAT WAS... INTENSE??

Apparently, Chin Shu Oh escaped the explosion, hijacked a taxi, drove it over to Freddy's place with the assumption that you would come out there, and waited for you to get in the taxi so he could ambush you then die in two hits. BRILLIANT PLAN, CHIN SHU OH, I SEE NO POINT WHERE IT COULD HAVE GONE SOUR!

Anyway, Gillian says he needs to pay back his debt to random and defeat the Snatcher menace for good. DUN DUN DUN, TIME TO GO BACK TO HEADQUARTERS!

Hello there, Konami building!

UH OH.

HOW DARE YOU.

MAYBE SHE'S IN HER BOOTH GILLIAN YOU DIP

WOOPS lost a word

GEE, I WONDER WHY

NO, REALLY?!

Fine I'll open your dumb booth.

Woop can't find one guess we can't open it oh well

IT'S A SNATCHER QUICK FIRE

Oh yeah, I'd really want to wake up to that staring at me.

Anyway, from my notes here, the Chief is a Snatcher. GASP. Harry put Mika in the pod, EVEN THOUGH SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE A JUNKER, and told her to lock the doors and not let anyone out, and that he was going to go fight the Chief.

Mika tells you to forget about her and go help Harry, so let's go! Also that the Chief is very cunning. Really, Mr. CUNNINGHAM?

There's some really goofy music here playing as well, according to my notes.

FRICK

Well that does it for Harry I guess. DARN IT I WAS RIGHT i was kind of hoping I wouldn't be this time around.

I missed it here I think, but Gillian went THAT HAT... HARRY! like somehow his hat is more identifiable then his rapidly cooling corpse over there.

Harry honey I'm over here.

Anyway, Harry's dying and such and he tells you that he saw the Chief messing with your Turbocycle and the picture in his office and JUST THEN figured out that he was a Snatcher. Junker's filled with some pretty dim bulbs, apparently.

But anyway, Harry confronted him about it and the Chief presumably shot him, or clawed him, or punched him really hard or something. Gillian asks Metal how Harry's doing.

Metal says he doesn't want to say, but basically Harry's dying. I can imagine Metal being upset that his creator is dying. :< He says there's nothing you can do.

Gillian tells Harry that he'll be okay, and since he was working so hard he should take a nice vacation anyway. Aww. Harry however knows he's going to die and tells you you're a good kid, and he really felt a connection with you like he could talk to you and stuff. Apparently Harry wasn't real good at talking to people.

Here, I'll do script format from here.

Gillian: HARRY NO, WE'RE GOING TO GO GET DRUNK TOGETHER, REMEMBER? HANG ON
Harry: Yeah, that's right... you and me and Jean... all together (as a sidenote that's like the saddest line ever :< Gibson/Harry otp)
Metal: But Jean's-
Gillian: SHUT UP
Harry: I've lived my life alone, I never knew my parents or my family, I was always so stubborn and glued to my research, I never really trusted anyone, that was a mistake.

Well, you trusted the Chief, and look where it got you! OH!

Harry: After Jean died, I felt it... real human warmth and compassion (??? was Gibson blackmailing him or something?), I just wanted to get along with everybody, I didn't need a Nobel Prize. I've been searching for something I've lost, but I'll never find it now it looks like.
Gillian: ;_;
Harry: Looks like it's up to you now, I'm finished. Don't forget this old grouch, okay? Believe in yourself. You're... the last... Junker...
Gillian: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY *cradles his head in his lap and cries to the heavens*

And poor Harry dies. :< Oh Harry. I'm sorry for pawing at you while you were mourning for Jean.

Anyway, Gillian tells Metal that if the Snatcher kills him, Metal has to take Mika and run, and also blow up headquarters. I guess the rest of the building is empty or something.

For added fun, here's the audio for Harry's death scene! Man this is turning into a "rocks fall, everyone dies" type of ending isn't it.

LET'S FIND THAT SNATCHER! I'm assuming that it's in the Chief's Office, so I'm not going to go there.

JORDAN SECRETLY A SNATCHER ALL ALONG

well whatevs LETS GET SOME EXPOSITION

YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!!!

Wow he really did.

WELL SINCE WE'RE HERE AND ALL

NO I WANT TO PRACTICE

Why do you make me do these things, Gillian. You know I don't like it.

PULSE-POUNDING ACTION!!

Well, if I HAVE to go to the Chief's Office.

THE ROBO SOFA

OF COURSE

wtf

where is this frigging snatcher

KOJIMA YOU AND YOUR LOVE OF BACKTRACKING

SOMEDAY I SWEAR TO GOD

Fine I'll go here first this time, whatever.

UH OH.

Clamato!

I have no idea what it could be!

BUT WHERE COULD THE DROPS BE COMING FROM?

Or tomato juice, one of those.

IT'S LIKE IT APPEARED OUT OF NOWHERE! I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THESE DROPLETS COULD BE COMING FROM!

Let's not look up at it or anything.

Yup. Fish are really biting today.

I'VE GOT EM THIS TIME

Alright alright enough of you two standing around stupidly staring at a growing puddle of blood.

IF YOU SKITTER TOWARDS ME WITH YOUR HEAD FLIPPING EVERYWHERE I SWEAR TO GOD

Yes, may I help you?

Cunningham hits the lights! DARKNESS ENGULFS US!

Turn on the emergency tanning booth!

Chief giggling madly as he scampers down the corridors.

Well dang.

No?

Oh hey, new option! Let's go with that.

Hey, the shutter's up! Wait.

MIKA?!

bink

oh GDIT MIKA

To my utter bafflement, Mika says that she let the Chief out (I think, if I remember right, because she was scared? or something) EVEN THOUGH HALF HIS FACE IS OBVIOUSLY A SNATCHER FACE AND SHE KNOWS HE'S A SNATCHER and then, presumably, stood there stupidly, overcome by her ovaries demanding she fulfill her destined role of damsel in distress, while he chained her up and also took off her undershirt. WHAT KIND OF AN IDIOT IS MIKA?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS? WTF. THIS IS RIDICULOUS. WHERE DID THESE CHAINS EVEN COME FROM??

Kojima. >:(

Chief mocks you and tells you not to shoot, since you'll shoot her, while Mika tells you to shoot. I think. My notes at this point just read DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRR MIKA and SHOOT DON'T SHOOT so I don't know.

Gillian and the Chief play a rousing game of peekaboo.

WOOPS

Well that's done anyway.

HE'S DEAD JIM

I think Gillian says something like SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG, RANDOM. BUT THIS MAKES US EVEN. hahahaha.

THANKS FOR NOTHING MIKA, BY THE WAY.

IT'S NOT OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEET the chief screeches from his jeep as it crashes into the snow. Wait, wrong game.

Metal reassures you that the Chief is about to die, so nyah. Anyway, the Chief basically rains on your parade and tells you what I've suspected all along - that there are tons of Snatchers all over the city in tons of different places, the hospital is just one of many, and that you'll never stop the Snatcher menace because you're just one man against a hundred death robots. See, this was what I was worried about the first entry of this. Gillian is somehow shocked by this revelation, but determined to destroy the Snatchers anyway.

>:(

The Chief tells you that they have comrades all over the city and that they're moving into Phase 2, enlisting the help of Professor Lorraine (?), and that your existence is meaningless unless you get your memory back. I didn't know you cared, Chief.

Mika weeps like the hysterical, over-emotional women she is while Gillian stares dramatically out the window. Thanks for that, Snatcher.

WHY DO SO MANY GOOD PEOPLE HAVE TO DIE Mika wails. MAYBE BECAUSE YOU LET SNATCHERS IN AND OUT OF YOUR BUILDING WITHOUT SO MUCH AS ASKING FOR ID, MIKA YOU MORON?

Gillian says that he made a promise to Harry and Random to kill all the Snatchers, and even though the city is full of them, he won't stop fighting!

THIS FIGHT IS JUST BEGINNING

And the audio for this scene, for those curious!

And then suddenly, a telephone call from Jamie!

You're looking well.

Script format again!

Jamie: MY MEMORY CAME BACK GILLIAN IT ALL CAME BACK!
Gillian: Who are we?!
Jamie: It's terrible what we've done! I can't tell you over the phone! I would have been better off NEVER REMEMBERING!!!
Gillian: WHERE ARE YOU?
Jamie: I'm sorry, I can't tell you! They've taken our boy hostage! Prof. Madnar is here too! I'm so sorry!
Gillian: what

Snatcher: WE HAVE PROF. LORRAINE. WE'LL ONLY REQUIRE HER COOPERATION FOR A SHORT TIME HERE AT THE KREMLIN!!!

DON'T INTERFERE... PROFESSOR SEED

OH BOY, YOU MEAN I GET TO RESCUE MY USELESS FEMALE LOVE INTEREST FROM THE HANDS OF AN EVIL ORGANIZATION?! MY HEART IS RACING! I NEVER GET TO DO THAT ENOUGH IN VIDEO GAMES!!

And the audio for the obligatory kidnapping! It plays that awesome guitar riff in the background I like wheee.

Yeah alright.

FUN TRIVIA - Apparently this game was too huge when it came out, and the last disk with Act 3 on it got cut for budget reasons. Kojima was very upset about this. IF THE GAME JUST ENDED RIGHT HERE, I'D BE PRETTY UPSET MYSELF. THIS ISN'T AN ENDING. IT'S A CLIFFHANGER. Whoever got the first version must have felt profoundly ripped off at this point.

Later on they rereleased it with Act 3. BUT PRETEND, IF YOU WILL, THAT THIS WAS THE END. HOW LAME WOULD THAT BE?

But the real end is STILL TO COME! Dun dun duuuuun

Previous | Next | Index