Snatcher

Made by Konami, released in 1994

Appeal to your audience, kill the cute dog



Current Zar note: I did this LP in 2009! I left my write-up mostly unchanged. Graphic animal death in this!




Thankfully, did not encounter any mishaps this time around.

I GUESS

IF WE HAVE TO

Pentagon shaped buildings are big in the future.

AND I'VE BEEN TO ENOUGH TO KNOW!

I would assume "hospitaling".

Hahahahahaha everytime I see illicit it just makes me think of AN ILLICIT AFFAIR and darn it

YOU'RE ALL UNDER ARREST

My bets are on a red herring at this point.

And in the middle of winter! THAT'S ALL THE EVIDENCE WE NEED, TAKE THEM DOWNTOWN

Why if I wasn't looking out for killer robots I'd be giving out some parking violations let me tell you

GET OUT THE WAY *honk honk*

It's clever camoflauge.

Or I dunno, some people down the street. Hey, do you wanna get donuts?

May cause dietary problems.

Well now that you've said that, obviously not.

"Hey, can I open the window?"

"No."

YOU'RE CRAZY!

plz add hospital on facebook

plz

plz

NEO KOBE, HAVE YOU NO SHAME

Obviously no, if you're doubting it like this.

Snatchers don't do well with infra-red.

PESTILENCE. DEATH. I SMELL DEATH HERE.

God Gillian be a big baby about it why don't you

FILTHY, PLAGUE-RIDDEN ANIMALS.

I thought you just said it was animals.

I REMEMBER WHAT THE KEY TO DRAW MY BLASTER IS, I'M SET

A pet hospital.

Intriguing.

DOES THAT LADY HAVE A SHOE FOR A HAT?

shoe for a haaaat

WHY BUY A TAPE RECORDER WHEN I COULD BUY A PARROT I'LL HAVE TO FEED AND TAKE CARE OF FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE AND LISTEN TO IT SCREECHING LATIN SUBJUNCTIVE TENSES IN THE NIGHT

Grandpa

Grandpa

awwwk

Yeah let's look at the peng

wait what

FIRST UNICORNS, NOW PENGUINS NEO KOBE WTF

actually if they bred penguins like this i probably wouldn't mind having one. FRICK.

Does this predate debarking in real life? I'd look it up but I'm lazy.

Dog comes in to wake you in the morning by lying its head by yours and humming softly.

That image is kind of creeping me out, to be honest.

So they're not all kangaroos after all!

Awww, poor pocket kitty.

>:|

THEY DON'T APPRECIATE YOU GILLIAN

YOUR EVERY CURVE

LIKE I DO

I STOLE THIS ONE

IS THAT OKAY?

WHAT ABOUT MISS BOUFFANT-AS-LARGE-AS-HER-TORSO?

OR SHOE FOR A HAT?

shoe for a hat is very suspicious

So they're not elaborate marionettes after all.

THIS IS A CLEVER FRONT FOR A SNATCHER ORGANIZATION

Really?

Wow, Metal, someone's a little cranky today.

THIS IS REALLY TOO MUCH, I DARE SAY

SQUAWK

>:(

wuf wuf

THEY SENSE MY COLD METAL HEART

gizagiza lonely heart

mew

Well maybe you shouldn't shove your tentacle in its pouch. that's what gillian said last night! OH!

FORESHADOWING?

Filthy mongrels, god I hate them all.

SHOE HAT LADY, STAY WITH THE PROGRAM

PLEASE TELL ME THEY DO

OH GOD

Take him to the robovet down the street.

TELL THEM GILLIAN

TELL THEM

*sobs*

Gillian are you paying attention

Man, I've been thinking about being genetically manipulated, but god I hate making reservations.

Not in Genetic Modification Finishing School?

GENE THERAPY CAN'T HEAL A BROKEN HEART

It's hard for me to imagine such a committee existing without a whole ton of people protesting about it. All that name needs is a lightning flash and some maniacal cackling.

Jeez Metal lay off the haterade.

You can say illegal, guys. Underground, even.

SHOW THEM MY I.D, IS THAT WHAT YOU SAID?

Give me that shoehat, maam.

ACCORDING TO MOST DOGS, SURE!

NO, REALLY?!

Metal confirms that it's the wrong hospital.

I GUESS WE WERE BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE, HAHAHAHA!

So let's get out of here.

EMERGENCY PHONECALL!

Mika, you're looking zombielicious today.

Mika says that Katrina called like 30 minutes ago saying that she had something to "give" to Gillian. It better not be her virginity.

BUT THEN it comes out that she sounded afraid and that Alice, her dog, was barking a lot. SNATCHERS!

Frick I don't want to see Katrina again and have Gillian be a pedo nooooooo

I'M NOT GOING YOU CAN'T MAKE ME

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Fine, since you're railroading me into it.

uuuuuuugh you just want to sleep with her gillian you creep

THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH RIGHT BYE

Darn it.

I'd like to leave, personally.

If I loiter around outside, maybe Katrina will get killed and spared further ogling.

MAYBE IT'S GIBSON

COME BACK AS A SNATCHER

Press A, right.

Subtle Snatchers.

WELL I CHECKED IT OUT TIME TO GO HOME

noooooooooo

COULD SOMEONE HAVE BROKE IN

OR IS KATRINA PLAYING A YOUTHFUL PRANK??

Nothing yet. Hmm.

Run away, Katrina, run away

So that accounts for the voices then.

SHE'S PROBABLY NOT DEAD

MAYBE

Gibson loves Planet Earth, watches it all the time.

HOW CAN YOU CONFUSE A WINDOW FOR A SHELF

WHAT

How is that

You know what nevermind.

WOW I THOUGHT THAT'S WHAT IT WAS BUT I DIDN'T THINK IT'D EVER BE SIGNIFICANT

huh

Why on earth would you make a musical model of your house? Gibson you had some weird hobbies.

Editors: YEAH THIS LOOKS GOOD GIVE ME ANOTHER HIT OF THAT BONG

Oh no wait there she is over there, never mind.

What a freak.

maybe the snatchers gave it to him as an anniversary present. too bad gibson forgot! he brought his own death on himself

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

SEARCH THE HOUSE

I GET IT NOW

IT ALL CLICKS INTO PLACE

OOOOOOOOH.

No we don't, let's just go home okay.

I missed a shot of Gillian all MY GOD HOLMES but eh you'll live

NO!

Awww, poor old computer.

YOU DID YOUR JOB WELL, LITTLE COMPUTER.

Clawmarks on the wall! SNATCHERS HAVE UNFOLDABLE FINGER CLAWS

Or maybe they were looking for the bathroom and were easily frustrated, who can say.

Let's give it a proper burial in the backyard.

Why would Snatchers have claws? Unless they carry Freddy Krueger gloves around to feel good about themselves.

THEY SEEM TO BE SOMEWHAT INCOMPETENT, SO IT DOES FIT!

Were-Snatchers.

Oh god she's dead.

ALICE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Like those little electric collars we have nowadays! Maybe she just slipped it off and ran away. :<

ALIIIIIIIIIIIICE

Maybe she was the one that clawed up the sofa

yeah that's it

Am I going to get jumped

frick

D:

WOOPS TEXT MISSING

SHE'S OKAY

SHE'S JUST

RUN OFF SOMEWHERE

SHE'S ALRIGHT

I ended up wandering quite a bit trying to trigger whatever happens next. Darn it Snatcher.

That's why you should stop suggesting stupid things, Gillian.

Stop being so stupid.

Stop crying.

HA IN YOUR FACE

By the way, memories. All alone in the moonlight.

BUT WHAT ABOUT ALICE

WAY TO LEAVE YOUR DOG BEHIND

WTF KATRINA >:(

ALIIIIIIICE D:

Finally after wandering around for a while

I THOUGHT WE DETERMINED THAT SNATCHERS WERE HERE A WHILE AGO BUT OKAY

I DETECT MOTION, GILLIAN!

ALICE ARE YOU OKAY DID YOU JUMP THROUGH THE WINDOW TO FIND ME PLEASE BE OKAY

D:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Basically the convo here reiterates that Katrina must have found something important and made a run for it. WAY TO LEAVE YOUR DOG BEHIND KATRINA

OH SURE SHE'LL BE FINE, WHAT'S A FEW KILLER ROBOTS

>:( >:( >:(

I bet she's at my apartment god D--- IT SNATCHER

Oh had a dead dog thrown at me nothing unusual

OH THAT'S REAL HELPFUL MIKA

YEAH WHATEVER

i gotta go

I systematically destroyed them all.

Ha ha ha ha.

I know this because I stalk her regularly.

GOD SHE IS AT MY APARTMENT

SNATCHER >:(

Why does everyone care so much

Was she a regular feature at the Junker potlucks

Oh yeah, that.

Well YOU can, I'm going to quietly hope I never see her again.

IS SHE UNDER YOUR DESK

eeew chief

We've done nothing to show you that in the game so far, but please believe that it is true!

And then you'll be arrested for statutory rape.

And if you touch her Gillian, I will kill you.

Harry secretly hiding Katrina in a back room away from Gillian's pedo claws.

IF YOU TOUCH HER

I SWEAR, GIBSON WOULD NEVER FORGIVE ME

What really

Fine, whatever.

Thankfully they replaced the irritating music here with Katrina's theme, which made this much more tolerable.

Let's just give up, it's too hard.

IS THIS REALLY THE TIME, GILLIAN?

why don't you ever buy me clothes gillian

ugh, if I HAVE to

FINE FORCE ME DOWN A DEADEND SEE IF I CARE

OH RUB IT IN MIKA

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO metal why the third person

COMING UP NEXT: GILLIAN IS JUST AS SKEEVY AS YOU'VE COME TO EXPECT uuuuuuuugh

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