The Starcon2 Secret Theater

EWW EWW EWW



Current Zar note: The Secret Theaters are really more like a fanfic done with fake screencaps, a sort of multimedia fanfic if you will. So it's not really a true screencap adventure exactly, but it IS told through screencaps, so this seems like the right classification for it. They're called Secret Theaters because in one of the fancy versions of MGS2, I forget which one, there was a "Secret Theater" that'd let you mess with the cutscenes in the game and replace one character with another to great comedic effect, haha. I did this installment in 2006.

This installment doesn't actually have any sex in it lol.




SO this is only triggered if you go back and have sex with ZEX a second time. YOU HAVE TO GO FOR IT TWICE, WILLINGLY.

HMM. WHO COULD THAT BE? IT'S NOT ME, THAT'S FOR SURE.

SAFE SEX CAPTAIN I mean what

ZEX is a geeeeeniuuuuuussss <3

Mercy. :O

SO let's say you went into VUX space to see if this was true, or just accidentally ran into a VUX ship heading to see ZEX, or, like me, love pestering the VUX for absolutely any reason whatsoever, and thus jumped a random VUX lurking around in say, Alpha Luyten.

I hear this spoken with the deepest loathing, hatred, and disgust.

Captain: NOPE. :B

Heh, misshapen.

Captain: I KNOW NOTHING.

And then they'd attack you, so you'd have to go find another VUX ship to harrass. LET'S KEEP EXPLORING THE OPTIONS!

Oh Captain. You really think that would work.

I bet with those arms it wouldn't be that hard.

COOTIES

And then they'd attack you. IF THIS REALLY HAPPENED, YOU WOULD HAVE TO FIGHT A LOT OF VUX SHIPS TO GET ALL THE DIALOGUE OPTIONS.

I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. WELL, THE FIRST TIME. THE SECOND TIME I WAS KIND OF- LOOK, IT'S COMPLICATED.

This is a direct reference to that one line from SC3 about ZEX. I can't help it. Just how hateful DOX sounds when he says "that MONSTROUS PERVERT, ADMIRAL ZEX" makes me laugh too hard. I should have worked "that wicked ZEX" in here somewhere too. Darn! Maybe next time.

Uh oh!

IT ALSO DOESN'T MAKE ANYONE A XENOPHILE OR ANYTHING. CAUSE I'M NOT.

And then they'd attack you again! Let's keep going.

The Captain asks with forced non-chalance.

Oh noes! D:

I have to admit, "his human consort" made me laugh so hard. It just brought to mind images of court concubines and hahahahahahahaa excuse me

IT'S TRUE.

And then they attack you. STILL GOING THOUGH.

NOT THAT THE CAPTAIN KNOWS ANYTHING OF VUX LAWS, HE JUST ASSUMES THERE ISN'T ONE ABOUT SEXING HUMANS.

Hahahahaha I'd like to see the battle for that. GO QUIETLY INDEED.

DESTROYED, DESTROYED BY HUMAN-VUX SEX

Sadly, this VUX has a point, except for most of the VUX with ZEX at Cerenkov.

The Captain: >O

And then they attack you again! :D

HE'S DEPRAVED ON ACCOUNT HE'S DEPRIVED

And then they attack you!

So let's say, if this actually happened, you wanted to keep talking with the VUX. You'd get different greetings from them each time, so I whipped a few up!

THE CAPTAIN, ALWAYS ON THE LOOKOUT FOR SOME QUALITY TAIL

Another!

And another...

And the last one I did.

I'm hugely amused by the idea of them referring to the Captain as ZEX's human. I don't know why.

I didn't do anymore, although I probably could.

IS ZEX OKAY? WILL WAR RAVAGE THE VUX SECTOR? WILL ZEX BE TAKEN TO STAND TRIAL? WILL THE CAPTAIN HAVE TO STAGE A DRAMATIC RESCUE? WILL ZEX BE EXECUTED? WILL HE BE PERFECTLY FINE AND HIM AND THE CAPTAIN CONTINUE TO HAVE SEX UNTIL THE GAME IS OVER, FIE ON WHAT THE OTHER VUX THINK? FIND OUT NEXT TIME!

Actually, the next little Secret Theater installment will probably be various race's reactions to that vid the Umgah made, BUT SOON!

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