The Starcon2 Secret Theater

Pranked!



Current Zar note: The Secret Theaters are really more like a fanfic done with fake screencaps, a sort of multimedia fanfic if you will. So it's not really a true screencap adventure exactly, but it IS told through screencaps, so this seems like the right classification for it. They're called Secret Theaters because in one of the fancy versions of MGS2, I forget which one, there was a "Secret Theater" that'd let you mess with the cutscenes in the game and replace one character with another to great comedic effect, haha. I did this installment in 2006.

This installment has nothing to do with ZEX! I KNOW, RIGHT? Just some good ol-fashioned Umgah hijinx.




THIS CAN ONLY LEAD TO GOOD THINGS!

So let's assume you're stupid curious enough to go check it out...

I didn't anticipate this, but the Umgah font is kind of strange. It's kind of thick and stumpy. In the game, it has a one-pixel black border, which looks rather thin. I tried to replicate this in any number of ways, but the border was always too thin or too thick. Eventually, I settled for too thick by one pixel. HOPEFULLY NO ONE CARES but basically, if you do put these next to actual Umgah screenshots you could see the difference.

THIS SOUNDS SUSPICIOUS, DON'T YOU THINK?

STOP THIS NONSENSE IMMEDIATELY.

DO YOU REMEMBER SPIRIT ANIMALS, CAPTAIN? DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOUR SPIRIT ANIMAL LOOKED LIKE?

I can't help it if your head has funny bumps that make the scissors go screwy.

BURN

TAKE IT OFF, TAKE IT AAAAAALL OFF

Captain, overcome in a rush of indignance and testosterone, whips off his shirt without a care in the world, much to the open-mouthed confusion of his crew on the bridge.

THEY'VE GOT A POINT, CAPTAIN.

Captain: HA I WIN ::whips off clothes entirely::

Bukowski: Hi I just came in to give my report CAPTAIN OH MY GOD WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING

Captain: WINNING. :D

And then the Umgah would leave the conversation! HMM!

We still have some options to explore!

THEY'RE A BIG FAN OF YOURS, CAPTAIN.

They think that already. No wait, they just think the Captain's a tactless dullard.

CAPTAIN BRINGS THE SMACKDOWN

It's definitely out there.

THE GLOVE IS THROWN DOWN.

I like having the Umgah use random big words.

And then they'd attack you. :O

SO let's say you went with the first option and the Umgah left peaceably after you got naked. WHAT HAPPENS? Let's report back to Starbase first!

UH OH

What could it beeeee

Hayes just loses it entirely.

Admire my sexy body? :<

Hahahahahahahahhaa I can only imagine.

THE CAPTAIN HAS NO SHAME, THAT'S WHY. FRUIT LOOPS.

Pff, I bet ZEX bought most of the copies anyway.

After the conversation was concluded, Hayes retired to his room to drink heavily and wonder what sick God had made an impetuous 19-year-old the only savior of the galaxy.

Heh, there's more coming up actually, involving how normal VUX society reacts to what the Captain and ZEX have been up too. IF YOU GUESSED IT INVOLVES VIOLENCE, THEN YOU WOULD BE CORRECT SIR. YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE!

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