Okane ga Nai

rape and slavery *kawaaaiiii* ^_____^



Current Zar note: I eventually branched out from just doing game screencaps to doing them for yaoi as well since a bunch of yaoi is ridiculous. As a warning, if you're unfamiliar with yaoi, it in general plays pretty fast and loose with consent! There is often a lot of "no but yes" on the uke's part and at times it's just flat-out rape. I usually mention if it's rape, but "no but yes" shows up a lot in yaoi so be warned if you are sensitive to that kind of thing! Otherwise it's just something you've got to roll with.

Most yaoi also involves sex so these are DEFINITELY NSFW and are for adults only! As you can probably guess from the subtitle there's a WHOLE LOT OF RAPE IN THIS ONE

I did this LP (?) in 2008! I left my write-up mostly unchanged.




TIME FOR ONE OF THESE AGAIN? HEY WHY NOT

Okane ga Nai is basically everything that annoys me about yaoi/shounen-ai. Every single stupid horrible cliche is in here. It probably wouldn't bother me if like 80% of yaoi wasn't exactly like this. It's not like I'm looking for quality with this kind of thing but I'd prefer something where I don't want to regularly sock the uke in the face for example. It's stuff like Okane ga Nai that makes me

A) Not look for yaoi very often

B) Be unimpressed with what I do find

C) Refer to this kind of thing (aka gay porn) as anything but yaoi if possible so as to avoid any connection to this kind of thing

D) make a :/ face at the screen, with occasional forays into >:|

You know, maybe I'm just weird. Maybe, like many things, Okane ga Nai just isn't for me. But darn it I watched this stupid thing so now you have to suffer too.

Normally I'd link you to where you could download this, but honestly you're better off watching something else that's half-way decent. I personally like FAKE (well, i like the manga better durr durr) or Gakuen Heaven or something, if you're looking.

So what's our premise? I downloaded this completely blind, so I had no idea what I was in for. TO REPLICATE THE EXPERIENCE, I WILL DO THE SAME FOR YOU! YOU'LL HAVE TO CLICK THE CUT TEXT TO FIND OUT!

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Okane ga nai indeed.

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LET'S PLAY MY FAVORITE GAME, SPOT THE SEME/UKE! this man has the lean hungry squinty eyed look of a seme.

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Oh great.

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I'M THINKING SEME ON THIS ONE GUYS

I'M TOTALLY FEELING IT

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sir you appear to be splitting in two, sir?

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RANDOM EVIL WOMAN?

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Money's been shooting all over the place, apparently it's important. I do understand it makes the world go round, but is this really called for?

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I ALREADY FEEL VERY CONFIDENT ABOUT THIS

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VERY CONFIDENT!

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Look at the size difference there. LOOK AT IT. HE'S TWICE THAT KID'S SIZE.

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WANT TO PET PRETTY RABBITS GEORGE

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TOTALLY A SEME GUYS

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wow this looks like an awesome relationship right there

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I will tell you right now, there's absolutely nothing even close to romance in this.

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SOMETHING'S CHOKING ME oh it's just my tie

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ugh

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REFLECTED IN HIS EYES, THAT'S DEEP MAN

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he looks like he's twelve awesome this is just getting better and better

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Anyway enough of that opening song. LIKE ALL SHOWS, LET'S BEGIN WITH A SHOT OF NORMAL PEOPLE THAT WE DON'T CARE ABOUT

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That cat was pretty lazily animated. No really.

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AN OMINOUS PURPLE HOTEL.

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Thanks for polishing the chains Bob I just never find the time anymore

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WE SWEAR HE'S OVER EIGHTEEN PLEASE DON'T SUE US

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what are you on drugs or something what is this

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lol

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Odds that one of these pervy old men will get him? WHAT DO YOU THINK?

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buy him please he's leaking uke all over the floor

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oh floor, you're the only one who understands me *_*

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GASP

so anyway we're then treated to a flashback, because god forbid there be something like this where the two characters haven't previously met or were childhood friends or something

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Sadly, the uke did not sock him in the face and leave him crying in the rain here, although that would have been pretty satisfying.

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OR AT LEAST SOMEONE SMEARED MUD ALL OVER YOU FOR SOME REASON

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durr?

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~*~*~BARF~*~*~

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umbrella ella ella

eh eh eh

You know what, this just reminds me to never do anything nice for anyone, because apparently that's enough to make people love/stalk/rape you forever.

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RIGHT ONTO THE MOLESTATION THEN

also god that size difference is unsettling. he could crush his entire face in his hand.

So anyway, Seme tries to give uke a kiss. I'd use their names but if some wizard imbued with magical linguistic powers came and gave the words "seme" and "uke" form and life, they would look exactly like these two. UKE WILL HAVE NONE OF IT meaning he makes an obnoxious sound and rolls over.

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you have a lot of eye wrinkles sir

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man that can't be healthy

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I feel the waves of kawaii assaulting me. I feel nauseous.

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Where do these people shop? Not only is that bed ridiculously huge, but they apparently also specialize in Ludicrously Puffy Comforters (white).

Anyway, seme is all HEY THEY DRUGGED YOU REAL GOOD (i was right??) WANT ME TO CALL A DOCTOR and the uke is all NO I'LL BE OKAY *_* SORRY and the seme, much like me at that point, was all wtf what are you apologizing for. He goes to get him some water.

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GASP. Actually uke just has to right at that moment tell him thanks for buying him. That was a real sweet gesture there guy, thanks for that.

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Not from that pink spider that's crawling over your chest there, sadly.

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Hey, seme has the same ridiculous hip-shoulder ratio that Harry did! Ha ha.

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WE SHARED AN UMBRELLA THAT MEANS WE'RE MARRIED

so anyway seme is all DONT YOU REMEMBER ANYTHING

and the uke is all I remember being drugged and thrown in a car OH NO MY COUSIN WHAT HAPPENED TO MY COUSIN

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See, the giant clothes make him look weak and vulnerable. In case that wasn't clear enough already with his big gooey eyes. Just making sure.

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His hand could crush his head like a grape. I'm not comfortable with that.

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TWICE HIS SIZE.

Anyway basically the uke is all MY COUSIN I HAVE TO SAVE MY COUSIN and the seme is all >(

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YEAH GOD YOU GAVE ME AN UMBRELLA LIKE THREE YEARS AGO THAT'S WAY MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR COUSIN WHO MAY BE DEAD OR IN A DITCH SOMEWHERE GOD WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU

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Durr durr

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The money business. That's a good business. I understand it makes a lot of money, that business.

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KEEP THIS IN MIND THE NEXT TIME YOU'RE BEHIND ON YOUR MORTGAGE PAYMENTS!

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waa waa bickering arguing god look how tiny he is, ugh

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THEY NEVER DO MEAN THINGS TO EACH OTHER

NEVER!!!

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Awesome thanks I really needed the uke to look like he's five that's perfect really thank you

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THE MARKET FOR IT IS VERY STRONG RIGHT NOW, I RECOMMEND INVESTING

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I see this relationship is already off to a controlling, possessive, perfect start!

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Uke has the most annoying voice imaginable, and he says this in quite possible the wussiest way ever.

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YOU CUT ME WITH ONE OF YOUR LONG FEMININE NAILS

OH THE PAIN

jesus

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Odds that saying this will lead to rape

calculating

results: 100%.

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BOUT TO GET FIVE ACROSS THE FACE

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Oh wow, he just touched his own face, huh. Well whatever.

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WE SHARED AN UMBRELLA ONCE IT'S LIKE WE'RE PRACTICALLY MARRIED!!!

it's sad how predictable this was.

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You know I see this a lot, and I have a hard time believing that if someone really, REALLY wanted to break free from a hold like that, they couldn't. Not to mention I bet it'd be hard to hold onto someone that way for a while BUT HEY WHO CARES

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Those nipples are upsetting.

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MY GOD WHO SAW THIS COMING?!?!!

the most inappropriate music plays during this sequence. it's actually kind of hilarious.

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I HAVE NO IDEA!

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What a fine upstanding gentleman.

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Forget what? What? Why is everyone in yaoi a rapist psycho?

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ISN'T THAT CONSIDERATE OF ME REALLY IT'S NOT RAPE IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT GOD STOP CRYING

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lol you're going to need some new sheets, if you don't slide off of them halfway through

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IT'S THE SWINGING SEVENTIES

MOLESTATION AND FINGERING YEAH

BELLBOTTOMS

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I missed him going "No more" here but I'm sure you've already got that impression. Also I have to mention that this uke makes the most irritating sounds known to man. These aren't your typical uke whimpers or whatever, this is this horrible scratchy sound like a dying cat that make me want to sock him in the face to make him stop.

As a sidenote, what an awesome expression to look at while having sex, it makes me feel so comfortable and happy.

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Yeah, THAT'S the weird part.

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I cut some random dirtytalk in here, you're typical BUT YOU'RE TURNED ON YOU LIKE IT YOU LOVE IT YOU WERE ASKING FOR IT REALLY IT'S NOT RAPE talk so you're not missing much.

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but we cut that

no seriously they did cut that. I'm not sure why. I guess it'd ruin the seme's ~fearsome image~.

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INVISIBLE PENIS

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hey he's got semen on his fingers

DO IT

DO THE FINGER THING

I KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO

YOU ALWAYS DO

you can't call yourself a seme unless you do.

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being a rapist and all, i guess that's part of it too maybe.

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YOU WERE ALWAYS CRYING, I DUNNO, THEN THE SKY SET ON FIRE? AND THERE WERE LOTS OF PENNIES- MY DREAMS ARE KIND OF WEIRD, NEVER MIND.

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Oh fingerthing. Every single time.

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god can't you wear a paper bag or something

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I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE SO TENSE, IT'S LIKE SOME GUY YOU DON'T KNOW TORE OFF YOUR CLOTHES AND IS RAPING YOU OR SOMETHING

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Thanks, that's just what I wanted to see.

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Even the seme really has no explanation for this.

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I'D SAY YOU KIND OF SCREWED UP

JUST A LITTLE BIT THERE

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going to eat your brains

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HAHA WHAT A CHARMING SCENE

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He daubed blue paint on him, the monster.

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OH YOU HAD TO BRING UP TETSUO AGAIN

Anyway, Seme gets all >( again at this talk of his loser cousin, and tells uke that he owns him now. LIKE PROPERTY!!! And he'll never let him go because he owes him 200 million dollars.

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Isn't this relationship awesome guys

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sorry i didn't see any rejecting back there just a ton of raping and you having bipolar moodswings

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STOP IT GOD I'M GOING TO BE SICK

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is all yaoi just totally insane

is that it

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Anyway, Seme goes to work at his money business and thinks about what happened. That uke made him rape him. God.

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This dork is here to talk about something, or whatever. This is not important or interesting.

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OH WOAH YOU'RE A MAN :O

i really thought you were a chick from the opening shot huh. More on this in just a second.

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Seme and Twin1 ignore her, even though she has increased the sass level in the room ten times already.

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Current Zar note: "okama" is a controversial and complicated Japanese slang term - Mato wrote more about this on Legends of Localization which I'd recommend reading. As he puts it...

[...] okama can refer to a bunch of different things, including homosexual men, transgender women, and crossdressers.

So it doesn't have a one-to-one translation, which makes the situation around her even more fuzzy. Crossdresser, transwoman, flamboyant gay man? Gay crossdresser? Who can say.

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SASSY!

Anyway, mystery person (what to call her...Ruby? After that guy in the 5th Element, sure) demands coffee.

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HA. HA.

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uh

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I like you, Ruby. You should ditch these losers.

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I am intrigued by the twins who don't like each other. Hmm.

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I'D PRETTY MUCH AGREE WITH THAT, GIVEN THE RAPE AND ALL.

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ISN'T HE SO AWESOME GUYS?!?!

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such a fine man

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*laughtrack*

but no seriously there was a pause here as if they expected a laughtrack to come in. uh.

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SIR EXCUSE ME I BELIEVE YOUR FACE IS TILTED? SIR?

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the girliest little thing ever. how anticlimatic.

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Haha I want more of you twins that don't like each other.

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THIS TIME I'M NOT GOING TO RANDOMLY START RAPING HIM

I THINK THAT'S WHERE I MADE MY MISTAKE LAST TIME

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sir your neck is too large we have to return it immediately

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I often find myself taming squirrels through rape, so I sympathize with you immediately.

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Could just walk right over there and eat his entire body, no one would know

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WAY TO BREAK THE GLASS

chances of uke cutting himself on it: 100%

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IT WAS LIKE I FELT COMPELLED

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basically a living comforter

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GEE, I WONDER WHY.

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Ah yes I see your point there that WHAT THE $^@#

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Chances something like that will happen again: 99%.

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I CAN'T KEEP UP WITH THE CONSTANT UNEXPECTED THRILLRIDES HERE, GUYS!

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a what now

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i'm going to see this in my nightmares, over the edge of my bed staring at me asking for its tailypo or something.

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That room is the size of a living room, and that bed is for at least twelve people.

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what kind of uke would he be if he wasn't sickly and adorable aaaaall the tiiiiime

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YOU UKES ARE RUINING THE MEDICAL BUSINESS

Anyway at this point Ruby calls Seme but he yells at her and hangs up.

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If there was some kind of spin-off featuring Ruby and the Twins who don't like each other and they had wacky adventures together, I would totally watch that. I wish I was watching that right now rather than this, come to think of it.

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No, that's not good enough. To the lions with you.

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Except... it wouldn't? What?

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I HAVE NO IDEA

Anyway seme runs off to the kitchen.

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HAHA SEME CAN'T COOK THAT SO WACKY AND ENDEARING TOTALLY MAKES UP FOR THE RAPE AND ALL

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You have to eat something before you take your EXCEDRIN BRAND PILLS.

excedrin!

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This totally makes up for you bruising me all over and everything

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That and the rape of course BUT HEY THAT'S IN THE PAST

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wow the fact he lightly scratched himself making me soup totally makes up for how he forced me to have sex with him and is demanding that i pay him 200 million dollars

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seriously like a bag or a mask or something

anything

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He's not abruptly throwing me on the bed and raping me for not remembering when I sold him those shoes five years ago and smiled at him god i just don't understand him at all

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ugh stop that immediately

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LOOK GUYS THEY'RE ~CONNECTING~

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After you told me my cousin would be better off dead and hated me, that was uncalled for

Anyway, the phone rings. DUN DUN.

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I CONTROL YOUR LIFE NOW

ME

ME

ME

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Wow that's the first initiative I've seen the uke take.

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DUUUUUUH

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seriously you could kick him in the face or the side there's absolutely no way you couldn't escape from that if you wanted to.

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Seme doesn't, of course, and hangs up.

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NUUUUUUUUUU

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This relationship is off to such an awesome start.

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Please cry some more please never stop crying it's great

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Ruby you can dance you can get out of here

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I'M YOUR FAMILY NOW

THE RAPE FAMILY

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With a psycho rapist murderer? Probably.

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wtf okay sure

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Not sure what brought that on but okay.

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DIRTBAG COUSIN WHO SOLD YOU AS A SEX SLAVE VS. BIPOLAR POSSIBLE SOCIOPATH THAT RAPED YOU

THAT'S A HARD DECISION

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Trying in vain to look the least bit masculine and failing.

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He kind of looks like Machi Tobaye. Now there's a thought I did not need.

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You can't rape him through a car door or when it's in motion, just making sure you know

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what place what where is he going what is this

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A DUN DUN

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what what the heck what kind of weird psycho plan is this

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oh neon city, you know not what dumbness you hold.

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THE END

APPARENTLY MAYBE THERE'S A SECOND EPISODE OR SOMETHING BUT SOMEHOW I CANNOT BRING MYSELF TO CARE!!

and just for the heck of it, my notes while taking caps

blah blah human auction

announcer: LOOK AT THIS HOT BOY HERE FOR THE PURCHASE BLAH BLAH

uke: *_*

announcer: HE'S PROBABLY A VIRGIN I DUNNO WHO WANTS TO PAY 50 MILL

Perv: ME
pERV2: NO ME

Seme: ME. I HAVE MONEY. HERE.
money: lol hi

FLASHBACK??

seme: ow
uke: umbrella ella ella eh eh eh
seme: I HAVE TO STALK YOU NOW FOR YOUR MOMENTARY SHOW OF KINDNESS
uke: *_________*
god barf

seme: *molests while kid is asleep*
uke: nuuu
seme: oh hey you're up
uke: irritating noises
seme: they drugged you up real good should i call a doctor
uke: i was just drugged out of my mind no i'll be fine sorry
seme: sorry wtf i'm getting you water
uke: *grab??*
seme: what
uke: thanks
seme: whatever
uke: you saved me *_____*
seme: uh huh
uke: you're just a stranger too that's awesome
seme: A STRANGER WHAT I AM NO STRANGER BUDDY YOU GAVE ME YOUR UMBRELLA ONCE

uke: OMG I WAS KIDNAPPED WHERE'S MY COUSIN OH NO I HAVE THE VAPORS AFALL
seme: wtf
uke: sorry
seme: >(
uke: MY COUSIN IS GOOOOONE
seme: I SAVED YOU WHAT ABOUT ME GOD YOU'RE SO INSENSITIVE by the way your cousin was a prick
uke: what
seme: he stole money from me. the prick.
uke: nuu it can't be truuu
seme: he sold you to pay off his debt
uke: SO HE IS SOLD ALSO?
seme: wtf no he sucks what's wrong with you maybe we can cut out his eyes though or something
uke: NOOOO
seme: WHY DO YOU CARE HE'S A JERK
uke: HE'S MY FAMILY
seme: HE HATES YOU
uke: NOOOOO
seme: I CONTROL YOUR LIFE NOW
uke: WAAAAA
seme: HE'S BETTER OFF DEAD
uke: NOO *extremely wussy, scratches him*
seme: >(
uke: YOU SUCK
seme: HOW DARE YOU *rape*

*completely inappropriate music plays*

seme: SEE I'M BEING REALLY NICE ABOUT THIS RAPE THING
uke: *extremely irritating noises*
blahblah OMG WHY AM I RAPING HIM EVEN I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M DOING THIS

uke: waaaa
seme: eh
uke: i need to save my cousin
seme: >( i'll let you go when you get me my money
uke: i don't have 200 million dollars wtf
seme: I'LL PAY YOU TO HAVE SEX
uke: D:

seme: *works*
boring
twins: weird relationship
dragqueen: SASSY!!!!
seme: I AM OVERFLOWING WITH GOOD WILL WHY WON'T HE TRUST ME
twins: you're crazy

lol seme can't cook isn't that wacky and endearing totally makes up for him being a rapist and all

And then I just took caps and didn't make anymore. :B

I'm thinking of maybe doing Ai no Kusabi next, since that's just mindbendingly ridiculous and Bladerunner-esque and hilariously 80s, but there's also the second Haru wo Daiteita thing, but I dunno.

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