METAL GEAR SOLID 2: SONS OF LIBERTY: THE KIND OF SHORT VERSION



CURRENT ZAR NOTE: OPENED ON LJ IN 2012.




THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT OF OUR PREVIOUS PRODUCTIONS: METAL GEAR, METAL GEAR 2, AND METAL GEAR SOLID! ALTHOUGH THERE WERE SOME UNEXPECTED DELAYS IN PRODUCTION, WE'VE ALL PULLED TOGETHER TO PRESENT OUR LARGEST PRODUCTION YET: METAL GEAR SOLID 2: SONS OF LIBERTY! THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE AND SUPPORT, AND WE HOPE YOU WILL ENJOY THE SHOW AND GIVE US YOUR CONTINUED PATRONAGE IN THE FUTURE!

THIS SPECIAL MATINEE EDITION HAS NO ACT BREAKS!

KOJIMA: I DON'T WANT TO MAKE A NEW METAL GEAR GAME AND GET TONS OF MONEY FROM MY STUPID FANS. DON'T WANNA.
FINE. FINE! YOU WANT ANOTHER METAL GEAR SOLID? OH, I'LL GIVE YOU ANOTHER METAL GEAR SOLID! I'M ABOUT TO GET META ALL UP IN YOUR FACE, ALL THE WAY UP IN YOUR FACE 'CEPT THIS META GOT FANGS, BABY, IT'S GOT FANGS MADE OF YOU ALL SUCK AND I HATE YOU.
KONAMI: KOJIMA STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF AND WORK ON YOUR NEW BLOCKBUSTER GAME ALREADY, WE GOT YOU SOME NEW BUTT ARTISTS.
:D

--TANKER CHAPTER--

SOLID SNAKE: IT'S TWO YEARS AFTER SHADOW MOSES AND EVERYTHING STILL SUCKS SOMEHOW.

HAL "OTACON" EMMERICH: HEY SNAKE WANT TO FORM A NGO DEDICATED TO DESTROYING METAL GEARS

SURE, NOT LIKE I DO ANYTHING ELSE WITH MY FREE TIME APPARENTLY.

I BROKE YOUR CAMO THINGY

>:\
SO HOW ARE THINGS
IT'S GREAT THAT WE'RE ALL STILL FRIENDS AFTER SHADOW MOSES. :3 EXCEPT MERYL WHO SEEMS TO HAVE MYSTERIOUSLY VANISHED OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH. IT'S ALMOST LIKE MY ENDING WAS CANON INSTEAD OF HERS! HOW WEIRD. ANYWAY OCELOT LEAKED THE PLANS FOR METAL GEAR ONTO THE BLACK MARKET AND THE MARINES ARE MAKING A NEW ANTI-METAL GEAR METAL GEAR METAL GEAR METAL- AN ANTI-METAL GEAR. GO GET SOME PICTURES AND DON'T KILL ANYONE. WE'RE NOT TERRORISTS IF WE CALL OURSELVES PHILANTHROPISTS INSTEAD!
UH HUH. AT LEAST I ACTUALLY STARTED WITH A WEAPON THIS TIME.
HEY YOU BROUGHT YOUR CIGARETTES. YOU AREN'T SMOKING AGAIN ARE YOU >:( I TOLD YOU NOT TO!
I LIKE THEM. >:(
I SAID NO. >:(
>:( THEY'RE SMOKELESS.
IT'S STILL BAD FOR YOU, YOU STOP THAT. >:(
AS FUN AS THIS COMFORTABLE BANTER IS ARE YOU SURE THIS INFO IS LEGIT
HACKED IT MYSELF :3
YOU DIDN'T GET TRACKED DID YOU
OH PLEASE, I'M TOO GOOD FOR THAT. <-- YOUR SELF-ESTEEM'S IMPROVED OTACON
CAUSE THERE ARE BOUNTIES ON US.
GOD YOU'RE SO PARANOID.
ALL THE DEFENSE DOESN'T ADD UP EITHER.
YOU WORRY TOO MUCH. IT'S FINE, IT'S FINE! IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE GOING TO GET TRICKED AND KILLED OR SOMETHING. RECON MISSIONS AIN'T NO BIG DEAL.
:/

RUSSIAN SOLDIERS: SUP MARINES WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A SWIM

MARINES: BLUB BLUB

://///
WHATEVER, NOT OUR BUSINESS, JUST TAKE PICTURES OF THE NEW METAL GEAR AND LEAVE.
FINE, BOSSYBOOTS. :/
YOU LIKE IT.
SHUT UP.

THIS NEW METAL GEAR IS PRETTY HARDCORE.
HOLD ON, MY LADYSENSE IS TINGLING.

OLGA GURLUKOVICH: WE SURE TOOK OVER THIS TANKER.

SERGEI GURLUKOVICH: YUP SURE DID, NOW GTFO.

WHAT NO

YOU ARE PREGNANT WITH MY GRANDCHILD YES

PSSH WHATEVER DAD.

HEY WANNA FIGHT

DO I!

ARGH TRANQ BULLETS MY ONE WEAKNESS

CYPHER: HEY WASSUP GUYS

MAYBE I SHOULDN'T LET THE SPY DRONE TAKE A CLEAR PICTURE OF MY FACE... NAH.

THIS IS PROBABLY A GOOD TIME TO TELL YOU THAT THE PERSON WHO SENT US THE TIP TO COME HERE WAS MY STEPSISTER E.E. I NEVER MENTIONED UNTIL NOW, WHO I KNEW FOR TWO YEARS AND LAST SAW TEN YEARS AGO.
IS THIS MATH GOING TO BE RELEVANT?
TO THE AMOUNT OF DAMAGE I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE, YES.
WHAT
I DID BREAK INTO THE PENTAGON TO BACK IT UP THOUGH. BUT MAYBE I MESSED UP. :(
BELIEVE ME, YOU ARE THE LEAST INCOMPETENT COMMANDING OFFICER I'VE EVER HAD, AND THAT BAR IS SET VERY LOW.

SNEAKIN FURTHER INTO THE SHIP, TUM TE TUM.

HA HA, TRAPPED HIM IN THE LOWER DECKS WITHOUT HIS KNOWLEDGE! OH HEY OCELOT.

REVOLVER OCELOT: HI

YOU AREN'T GOING TO BETRAY ME AND COLONEL SERGEI GURLUKOVICH ARE YOU

NOW WHY WOULD I DO THAT? BY THE WAY, COULD YOU LOOK DOWN THE BARREL OF MY REVOLVER FOR ME, I THINK IT'S DIRTY.

SOMEONE'S BEEN EAVESDROPPING ON OUR CONVERSATION THE WHOLE TIME BTW. SO FOR ADDED SECURITY, I HACKED A RANDOM PUBLIC COMPUTER ON THIS FLOOR, SO USE THAT TO SEND ME THE CLASSIFIED METAL GEAR PHOTOS INSTEAD!
WHAT'S A COMPUTER

MARINE COMMANDANT SCOTT DOLPH: MAN OUR METAL GEAR RAY IS SO AWESOME. RAY IS THE BEST. IT CAN SWIM! AND IT'S GOT A LASER! RAY IS SO COOL.

HI

AW HELL.

I'M TAKING THIS METAL GEAR FOR RUSSIA.

AW YEAH.

JUST KIDDING, I'M TAKING IT FOR THE PATRIOTS.

THE LA LI LU LE LO?

WHAT? NO. WELL, MAYBE.

OMG OCELOT YOU BETRAYED ME! YOU'RE STILL IN CAHOOTS WITH SOLIDUS AREN'T YOU! HOW COULD YOOOOUUUUU

I LET MY BULLETS DO THE TALKING.

WAIT I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING BLARRRGHHH

HEY WHO WANTS TO GO FOR A SWIM? EVERYONE? GREAT.

TANKER: AAAA EXPLOSIONS WATER AAAA

OCELOT!!!!!

HMM? ARGH MY RIGHT ARM AAAGH

LIQUID SNAKE: HELLO, BROTHER!

WHAT

IT'S ME, LIQUID! REMEMBER HOW OCELOT GOT HIS HAND CUT OFF? WELL THEY GRAFTED ON THE ARM FROM MY DEAD BODY AND NOW I LIVE ON! IN THIS ARM!

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

GET OUT OF MY HEAD, CHARLES LIQUID! I'LL CHEW MY ARM OFF IF I HAVE TO!

YOU'RE DROWNING IN TIME! BECAUSE BIG BOSS WAS OLD WHEN THEY CLONED HIM, OUR AGING PROCESS AS CLONES IS ACCELERATED! YOU'VE ONLY GOT A FEW YEARS LEFT!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT

I'M RIDING THIS METAL GEAR ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK, BUT I DO HAVE A CASHIER'S CHECK MADE OUT... FOR YOUR FACE! IT'S FROM RAY'S GIANT WING ARM!

BLUB BLUB

I'M SORRY I WAS PLAYING ZONE OF ENDERS, WHAT'S GOING ON? OH SHI- SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEE

BLUB

JUST AS PLANNED. EVEN GOT A PICTURE OF SNAKE ON THE TANKER, THE STUPID IDIOT. NO MORE METAL GEAR FOR THE MARINES, EH MR. PRESIDENT? HA HA HA! AH, WE'RE ALWAYS LAUGHING YOU AND ME.

BLUB

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

PLAYER: WOW WHAT AN INTENSE AND MYSTERIOUS CHAPTER! I HOPE SNAKE IS OKAY! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT THE REST OF THE GAME IS LIKE!

--PLANT CHAPTER--

COLONEL ROY CAMPBELL: HI IT'S ME AGAIN. HEY SNAKE, YOU REMEMBER HOW THAT TANKER EXPLODED TWO YEARS AGO
SNAKE?: I'M CLEARLY NOT SNAKE BUT YES.
TERRORISTS BLEW UP THE TANKER TO SPILL OIL INTO THE RIVER SO THEY BUILT A CLEAN-UP FACILITY OVER IT CALLED BIG SHELL. IT'S SO ORANGE. ALSO SOME NEW TERRORISTS JUST TOOK IT OVER.
YOU DON'T SAY.
IT'S A GROUP OF PSYCHOS WITH SUPERNATURAL POWERS CALLED DEAD CELL. THEY WANT EIGHT KAJILLION DOLLARS OR THEY'LL BLOW BIG SHELL TO KINGDOM COME. ALSO THEY HAVE THE PRESIDENT. SO SNEAK ON IN THERE.
THIS IS JUST ALL JUST LIKE MGS1 EXCEPT SOMEONE ELSE DID IT BEFORE ME AND BETTER. <-- YOU BETTER LIKE THIS THEME BECAUSE YOU ARE GOING TO BE SEEING IT A LOT.
ANYWAY LET'S CHANGE YOUR CODENAME FOR DUCKS. HOW ABOUT RAIDEN? YOU ALREADY BEAT THIS GAME IN VR MODE LIKE A HUNDRED TIMES SO THIS SHOULD BE NO PROBLEM.
RAIDEN: I FEEL LIKE A LEGENDARY MERCENARY!

SEE, THAT'S YOU, PLAYER! YOU'RE A NOOB IF YOU THINK VR MAKES YOU A HERO! I'M TALKING TO YOU! RAIDEN IS YOU!

>:/

ALL THE GUARDS KEEP GETTING KNOCKED OUT BY SOME MYSTERIOUS STRANGER BEFORE I CAN GET TO THEM. HEY, THAT'S MY ELEVATOR! COLONEL, SOMEONE ELSE IS DEFINITELY HERE.
NOPE. HEY, TOUCH THAT COMPUTER FOR YOUR RADAR.

AAAAAAAAAUGH

HAHAHAHA I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT, YOU ARE SO GULLIBLE. BY THE WAY YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S GOING TO SAVE YOUR GAME.
WHATBASFJAHFAHFT ROSE NO YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE INVOLVED
ROSE: I'M PART OF IT NOW WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. I'M AN INTELLIGENCE AND INFORMATION ANALYST!
THIS IS STUPID NO I REFUSE GET OUT OF HERE
TOUGH NOOGIES.
WE LEARNED FROM THE SHADOW MOSES INCIDENT THAT YOU NEED A REASON TO LIVE, SO SUCCEED IN THE MISSION OR YOU'LL NEVER SEE ROSE AGAIN. NO PRESSURE.

SO JACK DO YOU KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS TOMORROW?
WHY DO I HAVE THE FEELING THIS QUESTION IS GOING TO HAUNT ME?
I GUESS YOU DON'T REMEMBER IT, OH WELL, THAT'S FINE, IT'S NOT LIKE IT WAS IMPORTANT TO ME OR ANYTHING, YOU GO ON WITH YOUR LITTLE MISSION AND I'LL JUST WAIT FOR YOU TO REMEMBER WHAT TOMORROW IS, BECAUSE IT'S IMPORTANT. BUT NOT IMPORTANT TO YOU, I GUESS! BUT THAT'S OKAY, I KNOW YOU'RE SOOOOO BUSY WITH YOUR MISSION. I DON'T CARE THAT YOU DON'T REMEMBER WHAT TOMORROW IS! REALLY! IT'S FINE! IT'S NOT IMPORTANT IF YOU DON'T REMEMBER! I'LL JUST SIT... AND WAIT... HOPING YOU'LL REMEMBER... BUT IT'S FINE.
NOW I REMEMBER WHY I NEVER CALL YOU.

ALRIGHT, I SNUCK IT ON UP TO THE ELEVATOR, TIME TO FINALLY REVEAL MY FACE!

??

SURPRISE! I'M BEAUTIFUL! LOOK AT MY FLOWING GOLDEN HAIR AND MY BOYISH GOOD LOOKS! BY THE WAY I'M THE MAIN CHARACTER FOR THE REST OF THE GAME.

FANBOYS:

THE TERRORISTS CALL THEMSELVES THE SONS OF LIBERTY, AND THEIR LEADER IS SOLID SNAKE. BUT IT CAN'T BE BECAUSE SNAKE DIED TWO YEARS AGO ON THE TANKER. HOW MYSTERIOUS. ANYWAY THE SEAL TEAM IS ALSO THERE, DON'T MESS WITH THEM. THEY DON'T KNOW WE'RE HERE BECAUSE THIS IS A SUPER TIP TOP ULTRA SECRET MISSION. WE DID HACK INTO THEIR TRANSMISSIONS THOUGH, HERE YOU GO.
SOUNDS LEGIT

SEALS: WE GOT THE PRESIDENT OH NO WE'RE DYING OH NOOO AAAAAA

BETTER GO CHECK IT OUT!

SEALS: HELP WE'RE BEING KNIFED AAAAA

VAMP: BALLET!!!

HEY WHAT'S GOING ON IN THIS THREAD

NOM NOM BLOOD. TIME TO CUT MYSELF. I DON'T KNOW WHAT "SUBTLE" MEANS.

WHAT

YOU LOOK DELICIOUS, CMERE

SEAL: GET OUT OF THE WAY YOU IDIOT!

PLIÉ! CUT YOUR ARM, HAHA! LET ME HOLD YOU.

BLARGH

YOU SMELL FAMILIAR!

WHAT IS HAPPENING

WELL GOTTA GO

IROQUIS PLISKIN: HI I'M SOLID SNAKE- I MEAN, IROQUIS PLISKIN. COUGH.

SOUNDS LEGIT!

WEIRD THAT YOU'RE WEARING FOXHOUND GEAR SINCE FOXHOUND WAS DISBANDED AFTER I KILLED ALL OF THEM. I MEAN, AFTER SNAKE KILLED ALL OF THEM.

THIS IS MY FIRST REAL MISSION, BUT I'VE DONE EXTENSIVE VR TRAINING!

WAR AS A VIDEO GAME, THAT'S DISGUSTING.

I'M TALKING TO YOU, PLAYER! GET IT!?

>:/

SO WHAT HAPPENED
EVERYONE'S DEAD EXCEPT FOR THIS ONE GUY WHO SAW MY FACE. ALL OF IT. EVERY BEAUTIFUL INCH.
GDIT RAIDEN.

WHAT WAS THE DEAL WITH THE BALLET KNIFE VAMPIRE

OH, THE EX-PRESIDENT MADE A SPECIAL UNIT OF PSYCHO WEIRDOS WITH BIZARRE POWERS CALLED DEAD CELL. THEY WERE MEANT TO SIMULATE TERRORIST SITUATIONS BUT SOMEHOW THEY BEGAN TO ACTUALLY ACT LIKE TERRORISTS AND WENT OUT OF CONTROL. NO ONE SAW THAT COMING!

AND THEIR LEADER IS SOLID SNAKE?

NOPE, HE'S DEAD. SURE IS DEAD, THAT SOLID SNAKE. REAL DEAD. AS A DOORNAIL. YUP. WEIRD THAT YOU WEREN'T BRIEFED ON ANY OF THIS AND WERE SENT IN ALONE.

MAYBE

RADIO: HELP OH GOD WE'RE DYING BLAAARGH

I GUESS WE SHOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT.

YEAH, MY ARM GOT CUT UP PRETTY BAD? SO... I'M JUST GOING TO... TAKE A NAP OVER HERE. K.

ZZZ... MERYL... LIQUID!!!... ZZZ...

SO... ADORABLE....

HEY DO YOU KNOW WHAT DAY TOMORROW IS?
WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL ME?!
NOPE! IT SURE IS IMPORTANT, TOMORROW. REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME. REALLY IMPORTANT. BUT YOU NEED TO FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF. BUT WOW, IT SURE IS IMPORTANT TO ME. AND YOU CAN'T REMEMBER IT AT ALL? WOW, YEAH. BUT THAT'S OKAY.
LOOK JUST LOOK INTO THIS SNAKE GUY FOR ME OKAY, BYE

FORTUNE: PLEASE GOD SOMEONE KILL ME

LOOK WE'RE TRYING OKAY! BLAAAARGH

SUP FORTUNE/QUEEN. I'LL JUST GRAB THE PREZ AND SPLIT.

UGH, STILL ALIVE. THANKS A LOT, MAGIC BULLET REFLECTING POWERS. I GUESS I'LL GO FIND ANOTHER GROUP OF SEALS WHO CAN GET THE JOB DONE.

SO EVERYONE HERE IS DEAD TOO.
JUST AS PLANNED.
WAIT WHAT, YOU USED THEM AS A DECOY TO GET ME INSIDE?
I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. CHANGE OF PLANS, GO DEACTIVATE THE C4 THE TERRORISTS RIGGED AROUND BIG SHELL.
I DON'T KNOW NOTHIN BOUT DEACTIVATING NO BOMBS.
WELL THOSE SEALS BROUGHT IN A BOMB GUY, SO WE'RE IN LUCK.
THIS WASN'T IN THE SIMULATION!
SHUT UP AND DO IT.
I'M FIGHTING BALLET VAMPIRES AND WOMEN WITH MAGIC ENERGY SHIELDS, THIS FEELS INSANE AND RIDICULOUS LIKE... LIKE I'M IN SOME KIND OF METAL GEAR GAME!
SNAP OUT OF IT JACK, THIS IS ALL REAL! JUST LIKE MY LOVE FOR YOU!
AND MINE FOR YOU! FOREVER!
ARE YOU TWO DONE? RAIDEN, YOU'RE NEEDED ON STRUT C. <-- THANK YOU COLONEL.

PETER STILLMAN: HEY WHAT'S GOING ON

DON'T MOVE!

I'M FINE NOW. STOP POINTING THAT GUN AT PEOPLE, HE'S COOL.

STOP EMASCULATING ME. >:( <-- I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS THEME TOO

MIND DUMPING YOUR BACKSTORY REAL QUICK?

SURE. I'M THE BOMB EXPERT. ACCIDENTALLY LET A BOMB BLOW UP A CHURCH AND LOST MY LEG. I WAS IN RETIREMENT, BUT THEY KEEP PULLING ME BACK IN! ONE OF MY STUDENTS IS A MEMBER OF DEAD CELL NOW AND HE BUILT AN ATOMIC BOMB WHEN HE WAS TEN.

WAIT WHAT

HIS NAME WAS FATMAN. ANYWAY IT'S WEIRD, I DON'T REMEMBER SEEING YOU IN THE DEBRIEFING. IT'S ALMOST LIKE YOU CAME IN ON YOUR OWN IN A DISGUISE.

THAT'S RIDICULOUS! WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT. I'M NOT SOLID SNAKE.

SO IS YOUR WHOLE TEAM DEAD OR WHAT?

NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT, A SKINNY LITTLE NERD WAS WITH US. HE WAS A SECURITY EXPERT AND WAS GONNA HACK US ON ALL THROUGH.

I DIDN'T HEAR ABOUT THIS. >:(

HOW ODD. IT'S LIKE YOU'RE BEING DELIBERATELY LEFT OUT OF THE LOOP BECAUSE NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU.

NAH. CAMPBELL IS IT TRUE THAT AN ENGINEER GOT IN HERE?

IDK. GO DEFUSE THOSE BOMBS.
BUT I'VE NEVER DONE IT BEFORE, I'M SCARED. :(
MAN UP AND DO IT. IT'S PROBABLY NOT EVEN THAT HARD.

JUST SPRAY THE BOMBS WITH THIS FREEZING SPRAY!

SEE.

YOU CAN FIND HIS BOMBS BECAUSE FATMAN ALWAYS PUT HIS COLOGNE ON THEM. HE WAS LIKE MY SON. MAN HE LOVED BEAUTIFUL THINGS. TOO BAD I DIDN'T TEACH HIM NOT TO BE CRAZY.

YES, DECIDING WHAT TO PASS ON TO FUTURE GENERATIONS IS IMPORTANT. <-- AND THIS THEME, YOU BETTER LIKE THIS ONE AS WELL.

WELP I'M GOING TO THE OTHER HALF OF BIG SHELL, YOU HANDLE THIS HALF.

K

SEMPER FI! WHO DARES WINS! JUST WANTED TO GET THAT OUTTA MY SYSTEM. TOODLES.

HIS RANDOM USE OF MARINE MOTTOS MEANS HE'S NOT A NAVY SEAL! HE'S NOT WHO HE SAYS HE IS.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?

STUPID BOMBS.

ALL THESE BOMBS ARE IN STUPID PLACES. IT'S LIKE WE'RE BEING SET UP! KEEP DOING IT THOUGH.
HEY JACK ARE YOU OKAY, THIS SOUNDS REALLY SCARY.
IT IS, I ALMOST THREW UP. :( IT'S TERRIFYING. BUT I JUST TRY TO BLOCK EVERYTHING OUT. <-- I DIDN'T MAKE UP ANY OF THIS.
INCLUDING ME, DO YOU TRY TO FORGET ME, DO YOU DO YOU
WHAT NO, I'M ACTUALLY TRYING TO REMEMBER WHAT TOMORROW IS SO YOU'LL STOP BOTHERING ME ABOUT IT.
DISMANTLING BOMBS IS SORT OF LIKE A RELATIONSHIP HUH! CAUSE IF YOU DO IT WRONG YOU DIE.
WHAT
ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE SECRETS IN YOUR HEART? TELL ME THE WAY YOU FEEL.
FEELINGS ARE COMPLICATED. >:(
I TOOK THIS JOB TO LEARN MORE ABOUT YOU BECAUSE YOU NEVER TELL ME ANYTHING! I NEED TO KNOW YOUR SOUL!
I TELL YOU LOTS OF THINGS!
NOT ENOUGH! I WANT MORE! LATER. BYE!
BLEH.

MR. X: LOOK OUT FOR THOSE BOMBS.
OH BOY, A SECRET INFORMANT! I WAS HOPING I'D GET ONE TOO! MORE AND MORE LIKE MGS1 BY THE MINUTE!

OLGA: HEY I'M STILL ALIVE. I SAW A NINJA! A CYBORG NINJA!

WOW!

MAN ON RADIO: EH, IT'S PROBABLY NOTHING.

I ALSO SAW A DUDE IN A CARDBOARD BOX.

HOLY #$^#, WE NEED TO AMP UP SECURITY IMMEDIATELY.

FREEZE!

LOL NO. BYE.

SO HEY AGAIN, STILLMAN TOLD ME TO CHECK OUT STRUT H AND THERE'S LIKE A BILLION BOMBS IN THERE, SO FATMAN WAS MESSING WITH US THE WHOLE TIME.
I KNEW IT! I'LL GO TAKE CARE OF IT.
BUT YOUR LEG IS ALL MESSED UP.
ACTUALLY I WAS LYING, MY LEG IS FINE. I JUST FELT BAD ABOUT THAT CHURCH BLOWING UP SO I PRETENDED MY LEG GOT BLOWN OFF SO I COULD BE A VICTIM TOO.
WTF.
I NEED TO STOP FATMAN! JUST DON'T ASK FOR PEG-LEGGED PETER, HE'S GONE FOR GOOD.
NONE OF US EVER CALLED YOU THAT, WHAT

FROZE THE LAST BOMB.
STILL GOT ONE TO GO ON OUR SIDE. I'M GLAD THIS ISN'T A TRAP!
MAN THIS SURE IS A LOT OF C4 I'M STARING AT HERE. YUP. I WONDER HOW TO DEFUSE THIS.
THERE'S THE LAST ONE! WHEEEEE
NO WAIT- FREEZING THE LITTLE ONES SET OFF THE BIG ONE! OH SHIIIIIIII-

BOMBS: KABOOM!

I DEFUSED THE BIG ONE ON MY SIDE. IT WAS A GREAT LOSS FOR EVERYONE.
YES IT WAS. <-- REAL SENSITIVE EXCHANGE YOU GUYS.
WELL THE CHEMICALS AREN'T SPILLING SO EVEN THOUGH YOU BOTCHED THIS I GUESS WE CAN LIVE WITH IT. ALSO CAUSE YOU SCREWED UP THE TERRORISTS ARE KILLING HOSTAGES NOW. JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW. GO RESCUE THE PRESIDENT.
NO, THAT SUCKS THAT THEY'RE ALL DYING! IT SUCKS!
THE PRESIDENT IS THE TOP PRIORITY.
PRIORITY MY BUTT! <-- DIRECT FROM GAME
YOU CAN'T SAVE EVERYONE.
I COULD IF PLISKIN HELPED ME!
HE'S NOT A PART OF THIS, NEEDY O'CODEPENDENT AND ALSO HE'S DEAD NOW. GO BACK TO WORK.

OH HEY, THERE YOU ARE. COULD YOU BE A DEAR AND KILL ME PLEASE? KTHX. IN THE MEANTIME LET ME TEST OUT MY MASSIVE RAILGUN ON YOU.

AAAAUGHHHH I CAN'T DO ANY DAMAGE TO YOU AAAAAUGH THIS BATTLE SUCKS WHY AM I SO INEFFECTUAL AND USELESS

BECAUSE YOU SUCK, PLAYER! YOU SUCK!

>:/

HEY HOW'S IT GOING. FATMAN CALLED AND SAYS HE HAS A BOMB FOR YOU ON THE HELIPORT. ALSO HE SAID "LOL".

SUP QUEEN. FATMAN'S GONE BONKERS.

GDIT. WELL WHATEVER, THIS GUY SUCKS AT FIGHTING ANYWAY.

>:(

I COULD HOMOEROTICALLY GRAPPLE WITH HIM IF YOU WANT.

WOULD YOU? THANKS.

I'LL SHOW YOU WHO SUCKS AT FIGHTING!

BLARGH!

OH MY GOD MY ENERGY SHIELD DEFLECTED THE BULLETS DIRECTLY INTO YOUR HEAD WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENIIIINNNNGGGG WHY CAN'T I DIIIIIEEEEEE

UH I'M JUST... GONNA GO... OK....

LOL JK I'M ALREADY DEAD, I CAN'T DIE TWICE.

Y...YAY?

ALRIGHT I DEFUSED YOUR STUPID BOMB YOU PSYCHO.

FATMAN: BOMB TICKING IS BEAUTIFUL! I USED TO WORK IN A CLOCK STORE! CHECK OUT MY SWEET ROLLERBLADES AND THIS WINE GLASS. I MAY OR MAY NOT BE KIND OF BUZZED.

AM I BEING FILMED? IS THIS SOME KIND OF REALITY SHOW?

BOMBS BOMBS BOMBS LOL

BUT YOU'LL NEVER GET YOUR RANSOM!

LOL WHAT RANSOM

WHAT

WHATEVS MAN, I WILL BECOME IMMORTAL THROUGH MY BOMBERY!

NO.

YES.

YOU'RE A THUG!

I'M AN ARTIST! LET'S PLAY HIDE AND GO BOMB. YOU'RE IT!

GOD #$^# IT.

LAUGH AND GROW FAT! ARGH BULLETS MY ONE WEAKNESS

FINALLY, JUST STAY STILL.

ABLABBABLABBA WHAT WILL I WEAR TO THE PARTYYYYY WAGGA WAGGA WOOOOOOO LOOK AT MY BEAUTIFUL HANDS

I HATE MY LIFE.

I SET ONE MORE BOMB, TRY AND FIND IT! HA HA! BLARGH

THE BOMB WAS UNDER HIM? GOD #$%# IT! THIS TOOK ME HALF AN HOUR!

CAMPBELL WHY DIDN'T FATMAN KNOW ABOUT THE RANSOM
BECAUSE HE WAS CRAZY. GO FIND THE PRESIDENT.
SUP
YOU'RE ALIVE!!!
I HAD HELP FROM A FRIEND. :]
WHAT ABOUT THE TOXINS?!?!
WHAT
THE TOXINS THAT BIG SHELL IS CLEANING UP THAT MIGHT GET SPILLED OUT IF IT BLOWS UP!
LOL WHAT, STOP TALKIN CRAZY.
WE NEED TO RESCUE THE PRESIDENT!!
YEAH YOU DO THAT, I GOT STUFF TO DO.
>:(

NINJA: SUP

OMG

GO FIND A SECRET SERVICE AGENT NAMED AMES, HE KNOWS WHERE THE PRESIDENT IS. HE'S GOT A PACEMAKER SO USE THIS SUPER MICROPHONE TO LISTEN TO HIS HEART! HERE'S A DISGUISE. ALSO THEY HAVE A NUKE.

WHAT!!!

BIG SHELL IS A COVER UP FOR METAL GEAR. BYE.

CAMPBELL WTF!! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME ANY OF THIS?
I TOLD YOU EVERYTHING!
ARE YOU LYING TO ME?
YOU'RE BEING HYSTERICAL! GO RESCUE THE PRESIDENT.

RAIDEN: SNEAKIN ON IN IN DISGUISE. HEY ARE YOU AMES?

RICHARD AMES: YUP. I GOT SENT IN BY THE LA LI LU LE LO. THE PRESIDENT'S IN THE CORE, BUT HE WON'T RESPOND TO ME.

THINK HE'S DEAD LIKE THAT OTHER HOSTAGE THAT GOT SHOT?

LOL WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT. ANYWAY THEY NEED THE PRESIDENT TO SHOOT THE NUKE BECAUSE INSANE TECHNOBABBLE.

IS THERE REALLY A METAL GEAR HERE?

WHAT ARE YOU STUPID? NO DUH. THE TANKER EXPLOSION AND OIL SPILL WAS PLANNED AND BIG SHELL WAS BUILT TO HIDE THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE NEW METAL GEAR. YOU KNEW THAT RIGHT?

...YES? :(

SHH, THERE'S PLOT OVER THERE. LET'S TAKE A LISTEN.

SO FATMAN'S DEAD. I WONDER WHY HE BETRAYED US. I FEEL A STRANGE KINSHIP FOR SOME REASON.

SNAKE?: THEY WERE A BAND OF LUNATICS TO BEGIN WITH. NOTHING THEY DO SHOULD COME AS A SURPRISE. <---- OH SNAP

HOW'S BIG SHELL?

FLOODING. COULD BE BETTER, BUT EH. GOT THE PASSWORD SET UP, SO WE JUST NEED THE PRESIDENT ALIVE FOR ANOTHER HOUR. THEN WE JUST NEED THE GIRL TO START THE SYSTEM.

GREAT, OUTER HEAVEN'S JUST A FEW STEPS AWAY.

WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THAT NINJA?

HI BY THE WAY.

I'M LOOKING INTO IT.

DON'T SUSPECT ME, I'M COMPLETELY TRUSTWORTHY. I MEAN, WHY WOULDN'T YOU TRUST ME. HEH. HEHEHEHEHEHE. HEHEH.

YOU KILLED MY DAD, YOU DOUCHEBAG.

HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND! HOW DARE YOU.

I'LL KILL YOU!

NO U!

STOP IT YOU CHILDREN, CHRIST. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU MAKE ME PUT UP WITH THIS. I'M THE ONLY PERSON THAT'LL TOLERATE THE RAINBOW OF CRAZY THAT IS EVERYONE INVOLVED IN THIS, SO KNOCK IT OFF OR ELSE I'M TURNING THIS REBELLION AROUND AND NO ONE GETS ANY ICE CREAM.

THIS DAMN RIGHT ARM -- LIQUID! IT'S ALMOST AS IF IT'S HAVING ITS REVENGE. <-- DIRECT FROM THE GAME

I HATE FRENCH PEOPLE.

IT'S JUST ONE THING AFTER ANOTHER WITH YOU ISN'T IT.

I BET IT'S THE INTRUDER. >:(

FINE, I'LL GO DEAL WITH IT. TRY NOT TO BURN THE PLACE DOWN WHILE I'M GONE.

BUT I THOUGHT SNAKE WAS DEAD.

HE IS, BUT HE'S ALSO HERE. SO EITHER HE SURVIVED OR THERE'S TWO OF HIM. BUT THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

TEE HEE HEE HEE

SO THE PRESIDENT IS WORKING WITH THEM, YOU BETTER GET ON THAT.

BUT THEY WON'T GET THE RANSOM.

THERE'S NO RANSOM YOU MORON. THEY WERE PLANNING ON FIRING A NUKE ALL ALONG. RIGHT INTO THE ATMOSPHERE. THEN THE ELECTROMAGNETIC PULSE WILL KILL ALL ELECTRONICS AND THEY'LL MAKE MANHATTAN A REPUBLIC OR SOMETHING.

ABUUUUUUUHHH?

UH OH.

HI

HRRRRRRRRRRGHHH

AND YOU ARE?

UH

SUP

YOU'RE NOT GETTING MY BACK-UP ARM!

I'M JUST GONNA GO.

HI WE FOUND A HELICOPTER. GOING TO TAKE US A FEW TRIPS TO GET ALL THESE HOSTAGES OUT THOUGH.
YOU CAN FLY A HELICOPTER?
NOPE, BUT MY LIFEPARTNER CAN!
SUP.
BYE
WAIT WHAT

CAMPBELL WTF.
BOY SNAKE AND OTACON SURE ARE TERRORISTS.
NUH UH!
WHY DO YOU CARE?
DUTY AND TRAINING WON'T GET YOU THROUGH A SNEAKING MISSION LIKE THIS! YOU NEED SOMETHING -- HIGHER. I CAN'T THINK OF THE RIGHT WORD, BUT... IT HAS TO BE PURE WILL, BACKED UP BY -- BY COURAGE, OR IDEALS, OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. <-- LOL
LOOK SNAKE'S DEAD OKAY, JUST ACCEPT IT.
NEVER!

PLISKIN: HELICOPTERS WHEEEE

IS THAT DRACULA OVER THERE?

YOU'RE A MESSENGER FROM THE PATRIOTS! WEIRD, I FEEL LIKE I KNOW YOU FOR SOME REASON.

DUH?

EH WHATEVER. I'M THE BOSS TO SURPASS BIG BOSS HIMSELF! SOLID SNAKE.

NO YOU'RE NOT.

SOLIDUS SNAKE: OH HI THERE. I'M YOUR BROTHER WHO'S NEVER BEEN MENTIONED AT ALL BY ANYONE UNTIL NOW.

HOW MANY TIMES AM I GOING TO HAVE TO SAY I HAVE NO FAMILY BEFORE IT STICKS

I'M A WHOLE OTHER GAME FROM LIQUID! <-- LOL GET IT IT'S A PUN

I'LL KICK YOUR TWISTED MIND RIGHT OUT OF YOU NO WAIT WRONG GAME

WHO'S LIQUID, WHAT'S GOING ON

SHUT UP, NO ONE'S TALKING TO YOU.

ARE GRENADES YOUR ONE WEAKNESS? LET'S FIND OUT!

NOPE! ARE HARRIERS YOURS?

OH #$%@.

VAMP: LOL HI AGAIN.

THE WORLD NEEDS ONLY ONE BIG BOSS!

HALP

A STINGER MISSILE LAUNCHER, WHAT TO DO WITH THIS, HMM.

ARRRRRGH MY EYE

METAL GEAR RAY: HACHA!

METAL GEAR?! IT'S ALREADY ACTIVE!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I CAN RUN ACROSS WATER!

WHAT

K I DON'T KNOW WHAT JUST HAPPENED BUT THEY'RE GONE. HEY PLISKIN ARE YOU SNAKE ARE YOU SNAKE
YEAH, I GUESS.
I'D RUN AWAY FROM THIS MISSION IF I COULD! :( WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS?
MY BEST FRIEND FOX TOLD ME TO FIGHT FOR WHAT I BELIEVE IN.
DIDN'T THEY FIND YOUR BODY THOUGH?
THAT WAS ACTUALLY LIQUID'S BODY, THEY'RE IDENTICAL ON THE GENETIC LEVEL. <-- WASN'T THE POINT OF THE FIRST MGS THAT THEY WEREN'T AND THAT ONE OF THEM WAS DOMINANT/RECESSIVE?
IT WAS KIND OF A HASSLE TO STEAL HIS FROZEN BODY FROM SOME ORGANIZATION! TOO BAD WE'LL NEVER GO INTO ANY MORE DETAIL ABOUT THAT POTENTIALLY INTERESTING STORY.
WHY DO YOU WANT TO DESTROY METAL GEARS WHEN IT'S SO DANGEROUS?
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY.
I USED TO DRINK A LOT.
SHH SNAKE.
WE NEED TO FIX OUR MISTAKES AND FIGHT FOR CHANGE.
SO YOU'RE BASICALLY TERRORISTS.
YUP. ANYWAY WE CAME HERE TO DESTROY THE NEW METAL GEAR THEY WERE BUILDING HERE. ALSO THEY HAVE MY SISTER HOSTAGE.
SO YEAH WE FIGHT OUR OWN BATTLES, FIND YOUR OWN MOTIVATION, WHATEVER. ME AND OTACON ARE GOING TO GO HAVE SEX. I MEAN, REPAIR THE HELICOPTER. GO FIND THE PRESIDENT.

ARE YOU OKAY ARE YOU OKAY
OMG I ALMOST DIED ROSE IT WAS SO SCARY I LOVE YOU
OMG I'M SO SCARED FOR YOU I LOVE YOU TOO I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU SAY A PRAYER FOR ME SO I CAN COME BACK BECAUSE IT'S SO DANGEROUS AND SCARY I LOVE YOU
I'LL BE WITH YOU ALL THE WAY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU FOREVER I LOVE YOU
GO FIND THE PRESIDENT.
THAT GUY WAS SOLID SNAKE ALL ALONG!
GO FIND THE PRESIDENT.
I THOUGHT YOU AND SNAKE WERE FRIENDS!
I HATE THAT PIECE OF TRASH SOLID SNAKE, HE IS DEAD TO ME!!!! GO FIND THE PRESIDENT.

SNEAKIN.

I'M GOING TO KILL SNAKE.

NO. I HAVE PLANS.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR PLANS!

I SAID NO.

FINE. >:( BUT I DON'T TRUST OCELOT.

WHY NOT? I TRUST HIM COMPLETELY. ANYWAY KEEP THE PRESIDENT ALIVE. I HAVE TO GO CULTIVATE MY BONSAI TREES.

TIME TO TAKE OUT AN ELECTRICAL PANEL WITH A REMOTE CONTROLLED MISSILE.

I'M GOING TO DO THIS IN EVERY GAME I EVER MAKE.

PRESIDENT JAMES JOHNSON: CAN I SEE YOUR CROTCH FOR A SECOND?

KASHFGAHGATJH

YOU'RE... A MAN? <-- THIS REALLY HAPPENED, I DIDN'T MAKE ANY OF THAT UP.

D:

SO YEAH I WAS WORKING FOR THE TERRORISTS BECAUSE I WANTED POWER. THE PATRIOTS WERE REALLY IN CONTROL OF THE PRESIDENCY. THEY'RE A SHADOWY GROUP OF TWELVE PEOPLE THAT CONTROL EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE!!! I WAS ONLY A PUPPET PRESIDENT. DEMOCRACY IS A SHAM!

:O

I WANTED TO JOIN THE PATRIOTS SO I SET UP METAL GEAR, BUT THEN SOLIDUS DECIDED HE WANTED TO FIGHT THEM ALL INSTEAD. BUT EVERYTHING WOULD GO ALL CRAZY IF THEY WERE DESTROYED, SO I CHANGED MY MIND.

WHO IS SOLIDUS AND WHY HAS NO ONE EVER MENTIONED HIM EVER UNTIL NOW

HE'S THE THIRD SNAKE THAT NO ONE CARES ABOUT! HE'S PERFECTLY BALANCED LOL. THEY MADE HIM THE PRESIDENT BEFORE ME BUT THEN HE SENT OCELOT TO SHADOW MOSES TO PROVOKE LIQUID AND CAUSED THE WHOLE SHADOW MOSES THING. THE PATRIOTS DIDN'T APPROVE AND KICKED HIM OUT.

HE WAS THE PRESIDENT AND NO ONE EVER MENTIONED OR TALKED ABOUT THIS AT ALL? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS-

AFTER THEY MADE ME PRESIDENT THEY WERE GOING TO KILL HIM BUT HE WENT UNDERGROUND WITH OCELOT AND HUNG OUT WITH DEAD CELL FOR A WHILE INSTEAD. NOW HE WANTS TO USE METAL GEAR TO FIGHT THE PATRIOTS.

DOESN'T HE ALREADY HAVE METAL GEAR?

OH MAN, THIS IS GOING TO BLOW YOUR MIND. THE ACTUAL NEW METAL GEAR IS THIS GIANT FACILITY! IT'S BIG SHELL ITSELF! IT'S CALLED ARSENAL GEAR. IT'S GOT A MILLION METAL GEAR RAYS IN IT!

WHAAAAAAAAAAT?

THE PATRIOTS ARE SCARED OF THE INTERNET AND INFORMATION, SO ARSENAL'S DESIGNED TO CONTROL INFORMATION WITH ITS "GW" SYSTEM!

THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT'S INITIALS ARE GW! GET IT?!?!?!

BUT SOLIDUS WANTS TO BLOW UP THE ATMOSPHERE AND DESTROY ALL TECHNOLOGY INSTEAD SO HE CAN MAKE THE EIGHTIETH VERSION OF OUTER HEAVEN. SO YOU BETTER STOP HIM FROM DOING THAT! GO FIND EMMA EMMERICH AND GIVE HER THIS VIRUS. IT'S MODELED AFTER FOXDIE!

UUUUH.

WELP, THAT'S ALL THE EXPOSITION I GOT ON ME. KILL ME! KILL ME YOU PANSY!

WHAT NO! CUT IT OUT YOU BOOGER!

FINE, I'LL DO IT.

WHERE'D YOU COME FROM?

HAHAHAHA. I MEAN, OOPS. BYE.

THE PRESIDENT'S DEAD. OCELOT JUST CAME OUT OF NOWHERE! IS IT TRUE ABOUT THIS PLACE BEING A BIG METAL GEAR? CAUSE THAT'S KIND OF RIDICULOUS.
IDK, MAYBE. GO FIND EMMA.

SO HEY WHAT'S UP
THE PRESIDENT'S DEAD! SO THEY CAN'T FIRE A NUKE ANYMORE RIGHT? BUT WHY WOULD OCELOT DO THAT.
WHO KNOWS WHY OCELOT DOES ANYTHING. MAYBE THEY GOT OTHER PLANS FOR ARSENAL.
OMG YOU KNEW ABOUT ARSENAL GEAR WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!?! NO ONE TELLS ME ANYTHING!!!
WE FOUND OUT ABOUT IT A WHILE AGO. THE PATRIOTS SET UP THE WHOLE TANKER MISSION TO MAKE ME LOOK BAD CAUSE PEOPLE LIKED ME SO MUCH. AND TO STEAL RAY, THAT TOO.
YOU KNEW ABOUT THE PATRIOTS TOO?!?! >:(
YUP! ANYWAY WE NEED TO STOP THIS THING, SO GO FIND EMMA.

BOY THIS PLACE SURE IS FLOODED! SWIMMING DOWN HERE IS REALLY ANNOYING.

OH HEY BTW MY SISTER'S SCARED OF WATER.
GDIT.
SHE ALMOST DROWNED WHEN SHE WAS SIX WITH MY DAD! SHE WAS CALLING ME FOR HELP WHEN IT HAPPENED, BUT I WAS IN MY ROOM AND DIDN'T REALIZE SHE NEEDED ME... I DIDN'T HEAR HER CALLING ME... DIDN'T HEAR HER...
PTSD FLASHBACKS LATER.
OH RIGHT, SO YEAH MY DAD DIED THOUGH. SO I LEFT AND E.E. WAS VERY ANGRY ABOUT THIS. ALSO TRAUMATIZED, SO SHE CAN'T SWIM ANYMORE. BUT I'M SURE YOU CAN HANDLE IT!
:/

HI AGAIN.

WHY WON'T YOU DIE?

YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S IN STORE FOR YOU. CHECK IT OUT, I CAN STAND ON WATER! ANYWAY THERE'S A HYDROGEN BOMB IN ARSENAL GEAR THAT SOLIDUS DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT. IT'LL BE A SURPRISE. DEAD CELL WAS INNOCENT AND THE PATRIOTS SMEARED US TO COVER UP THEIR MISTAKES!

YOU'RE CRAZY.

I MISS MY DEAD GAY MARINE COMMANDANT BOYFRIEND.

WAIT WHAT

I KNOW ABOUT THE VIRUS YOU'RE CARRYING AROUND, BUT IT WON'T WORK ANYWAY. THIS WATER I'M STANDING ON IS HYPER DENSE SO EVERYONE SINKS IN IT! EXCEPT ME, FOR SOME REASON. BECAUSE OF MICROBES.

SHUT UP.

ARGH MICROBIAL WATER MY ONE WEAKNESS

WHY.

SO ARSENAL'S GOING ACTIVE! BUT DON'T WORRY, I'LL FIND YOUR SISTER.
I DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO SEE HER! WAAAAAAA
GDIT, I'LL DEAL WITH THIS, YOU GO FIND HER.
THAT REMINDS ME I AM SO LONELY JACK.
WHAT I THOUGHT WE WERE IN LOVE. IN LOVE FOREVER.
BUT YOU DON'T SLEEP IN BED BESIDE ME, IT'S WEIRD.
LOOK YOU KICK ME IN YOUR SLEEP AND IT GETS REALLY HOT. ALSO IS THIS REALLY THE TIME FOR THIS?
WHY CAN'T YOU RELAX WHEN YOU'RE WITH ME?!
MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE YOU KEEP BADGERING ME RANDOMLY ABOUT THINGS I CAN'T REMEMBER!!!
TELL ME THE SECRETS OF YOUR HEART! TELL ME THE WAY YOU FEEL!
I'M SCARED OF THE NIGHT. :(
YOU'RE SCARED OF EVERYTHING! WHY WON'T YOU LET ME IN YOUR ROOM!?
I JUST WANT TO THINK! THINK MY THOUGHTS! I NEED PRIVACY! LEAVE ME ALONE!
AND THEN I BROKE INTO YOUR ROOM AND YOU GOT SO MAD AND HIT ME! DO YOU REMEMBER THAT? BUT THAT DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER ME BECAUSE YOUR ROOM WAS EMPTY! JUST LIKE YOUR SOUL!
THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T WANT YOU IN THERE!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU AT ALL! WHY ARE YOU SO HEARTLESS AND EMPTY?!
I HOPE IT'S OKAY I TALK ABOUT THINGS LIKE THIS WITH YOU.
OH NO NO THIS IS VERY PLEASANT. THIS IS FUN.

HI NERD CHECK OUT MY GUN

EMMA "E.E." EMMERICH: *PEEEEE*

IS THIS A FAMILY THING?

LEAVE ME ALONE!

THE PRESIDENT TOLD ME TO TELL YOU TO PUT THE VIRUS IN ARSENAL! COME ON! ALSO YOUR BROTHER'S WAITING FOR YOU.

MY BROTHER? :/

YEAH, ISN'T THAT GREAT? :D HE TOLD ME YOU CAN SWIM AND EVERYTHING! HE CAME TO RESCUE YOU! LET'S GO SEE HIM!

YOU'RE LYING! HE ABANDONED ME AND MY MOM! ALL HE COULD THINK ABOUT WAS HIMSELF!

LET'S GO SEE HIM! :D

I CAN'T SWIM! THEY, UH, INJECTED ME WITH SOMETHING! DO YOU BUY THAT?

I'LL CARRY YOU! :D

GDIT. LET ME TAKE MY GLASSES OFF FIRST AT LEAST.

YOU SHOULD WEAR CONTACTS! :D

MY EYES ARE FINE, I JUST LIKE WEARING THEM BECAUSE THIS GUY I LIKED USED TO WEAR THEM.

YOUR FIRST BOYFRIEND?

NO, SOMEONE MORE IMPORTANT.

HMMMMMMMMMM.

I AM SO JEALOUS OF YOU FLIRTING WITH EMMA JACK
WHAT I BARELY TALKED TO HER
YOU WANT TO BANG HER DON'T YOU?!?!?!
UH, NOT AS MUCH AS I WANT TO BANG YOU? :D?
DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT TOMORROW IS?
YOUR BIRTHDAY?
NO YOU'RE NOT EVEN CLOSE! CHRIST! HOW CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER THIS? OH, BUT I GUESS IT'S NOTHING, YOU GO BACK TO FLIRTING WITH THE GIRL YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE RESCUING. YOU TRAMP.
I LOVE YOU?

RIDING ON YOUR BACK REMINDS ME OF WHEN I USED TO RIDE ON MY BROTHER'S BACK WHEN WE WERE KIDS. WE WERE STEPCHILDREN FROM OUR PARENT'S SECOND MARRIAGES, AND MY BROTHER DIDN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS SO HE HUNG OUT WITH ME INSTEAD. WE BOTH WANTED TO BE LOVED SO MUCH THAT WE USED TO PRETEND TO BE HUSBAND AND WIFE, HA HA HA HA HA! BUT IT WAS PRETEND! BECAUSE WE WERE ONLY KIDS! HA HA! PRETTY GOOFY HUH?

>://////

I GUESS?

R U DED
WE'VE MANAGED TO AVOID DROWNING! <-- LOLOL
GREAT. NOW YOU HAVE TO PHYSICALLY DRAG HER THROUGH EACH AREA! ALSO YOU CAN'T USE ANY WEAPONS WHEN YOU DO THAT. SO HAVE FUN!
>:/

HEY WE'RE IN THE COMPUTER ROOM.
GREAT! HEY OTACON, EMMA WANTS TO TALK TO YOU! :D
WHAT WAIT
UH HI
UH... WHY ARE YOU MAKING A METAL GEAR WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU OMG HOW MANY METAL GEARS MUST OUR FAMILY MAKE BEFORE WE STOP MAKING THEM
I THOUGHT YOU CAME BACK FOR ME, NOT METAL GEAR. ;_; WELL FINE, THEN I WANTED TO HURT YOU FOR ABANDONING ME! I HATE YOU! I MADE ARSENAL GEAR JUST TO GET BACK AT YOU!
PEOPLE ARE GOING TO DIE!!
YOU'RE A HACKER!!
I'M SERIOUS, PEOPLE ARE GOING TO DIE! THIS IS TERRIBLE!
I HAVE NO REGRETS!! I'LL SURPASS YOU! I'LL MAKE YOU REGRET ABANDONING ME! I GAVE MY SOUL FOR VENGEANCE!
WOW WTF. OKAY ENOUGH OF THAT, JUST GET HER OVER HERE.

SO I GOT THIS DISK, CAN YOU PUT IT IN ARSENAL?

THIS IS MY PROGRAM, WTF. IT'S DESIGNED TO TAKE OUT GW'S AI. WHICH I MADE! ARSENAL'S A BIG DATA MONITORING SYSTEM SO THE PATRIOTS CAN CONTROL AND DELETE AND CENSOR INFORMATION ALL THEY WANT. LIKE HOW WE HAVE 100 THOUSAND GENES AND THE PATRIOTS DELETED ALL THE INFORMATION ABOUT 60 THOUSAND OF THEM!

NO...? <-- DIRECT FROM GAME

THEY USED THE Y2K SCARE TO INSTALL A SECRET PATRIOT PROGRAM INTO EVERYBODY'S COMPUTERS IN PREPARATION FOR THIS DAY!

WHAT

BUT GW ISN'T DONE YET, THEY SAID THEY WANTED TO DO A MAJOR EXPERIMENT TO GIVE GW DATA TO STUDY. AND THEN ALL THIS HAPPENED! THAT'S PROBABLY A COINCIDENCE.

MAN THIS REALLY IS JUST LIKE MGS1! I BET YOU'RE MY OTACON AND WE'RE GOING TO GET OUT OF HERE AND BECOME PARTNERS AND FIGHT METAL GEARS TOGETHER FOREVER AND EVER!

THAT SOUNDS GREAT! GOOD THING I HAVE A LONG AND FULL LIFE AHEAD OF ME. ANYWAY IS MY IRONIC PARROT OKAY?

READY FOR FUTURE TRAUMATIZING, YES.

IT WAS MY ONLY FRIEND! OKAY LET'S GO.

GOT TO CROSS THIS PONTOON BRIDGE TO GET TO STRUT E, DUM DE DUM.

UGH SNIPING ARGHHH

HI AGAIN!

AUGH

NO ONE STAYS DEAD WHEN I KILL THEM!

WELCOME TO MY LIFE, KID.

AGRHAKFHG

UH OH.

I'M HERE, HOW'S EMMA?

DYIN.

OTACON: ;_;

WELL LET'S PUT IN THE DISK.

COMPUTER: NOPE LOL

OTACON: SOMEONE MUST HAVE MODIFIED THE DISK AT SOME POINT!

EMMA: HEY IS EVERYTHING OKAY

OTACON: UH, YEAH

EMMA: THAT'S GREAT, I DON'T WANT TO THREATEN THE WORLD WITH A NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST LIKE ALL THE OTHER MEMBERS OF MY FAMILY.

LITTLE LATE FOR THAT. ANYWAY LOOKS LIKE YOU MIGHT HAVE TO GO IN AND KILL SOLIDUS OR DESTROY THE AI.

GREAT, SOUNDS FUN.

EMMA: HAL I DIDN'T REALLY HATE YOU, I JUST WANTED TO FOLLOW IN YOUR FOOTSTEPS. I WANTED YOU TO LOOK AT ME AS A WOMAN.

://

OTACON: WHAT NO, YOU'RE MY SISTER. WHY WOULD YOU EVEN

EMMA: OKAY I'M DYING, I HAVE ONE REQUEST. JUST ONE. IT'S REALLY EASY. ANYONE COULD DO IT. IT'S MY LAST REQUEST BEFORE I DIE RIGHT HERE IN YOUR ARMS. LAST ONE. OKAY? YOU READY? HERE GOES: CALL ME EMMA, OKAY. THAT'S IT. THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO DO. THAT IS THE LAST THING I WANT BEFORE I SHUFFLE OFF THIS MORTAL COIL. THAT'S IT.

OTACON: WHAT'S WRONG WITH E.E.? :B <-- GDIT OTACON WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU

EMMA: BLEH X_X

OTACON: EMMA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AWWWWKWAAAAAARDDDD

SOB I DIDN'T MEANT TO HURT YOU, YOUR STEPMOTHER SEDUCED ME AND THEN MY DAD KILLED HIMSELF BECAUSE OF IT AND THAT'S WHY I LEFT IT'S ALL MY FAULT I'M SORRY

WAIT WTF WHAT WHAT. WHAT. D:

PARROT: CRY HARDER, NERD! HAL! HAL!

WHY AM I ALWAYS THE SURVIVOR ;_;

WOW UH. GO TAKE CARE OF THE HOSTAGES. WE GOT TO TAKE CARE OF ARSENAL.

I SHOULD GO WITH YOU.

NOPE.

YOU MEAN I'D JUST GET IN YOUR WAY. ;_;

NO. WELL YES PROBABLY BUT ONLY YOU CAN SAVE THE HOSTAGES. GO DO THAT. LET SIMPLE DIRECTIVES AND MY FAITH IN YOU GIVE YOU STRENGTH.

K

YOU SEEM TO HAVE STOPPED CRYING, NERD! GET BACK TO IT! HAL! HAL!

KASDHAGFGGARGARG

PULL IT TOGETHER MAN. CMON, LET'S DO OUR SECRET HANDSHAKE, THAT ALWAYS MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER.

;_;

SNAKE: I'M COUNTING ON YOU. HUGS.

OTACON: HUGS. ;_;

GAAAAY.

OKAY I GOT IT UNDER CONTROL. I'M OKAY. YOU GUYS GO ON AHEAD, I CAN DO IT. I'LL JUST GO IN THIS ROOM OVER HERE.

EFF THAT, I WANT TO SEE YOU WEEP, BOY. HAL! I MISS YOU! I MISS YOU! HAL! I'M YOUR SISTER AND I JUST DIED IN YOUR ARMS AND I MIGHT HAVE BEEN IN LOVE WITH YOU AND YOU WERE SEXUALLY ABUSED AND NEVER DEALT WITH IT AND YOUR FAMILY BLEW UP IN YOUR FACE JUST LIKE ALL YOUR DREAMS AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN FULFILL MY DYING WISH EVEN THOUGH IT WAS REALLY EASY TO DO! HAL! I MISS YOU! I MISS YOU, YOU GIANT FAILURE AT LIFE AND RELATIONSHIPS WHO MIGHT END UP DESTROYING THE WORLD BECAUSE YOU MADE METAL GEAR SO THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!

AAAAAAAAAAAAUGGHHHHHH ;____________________;

KOJIMA ISN'T THIS A LOT OF TRAUMA TO SUDDENLY PILE ON TO ONE CHARACTER?

HA HA! HA HA HA! AAAAAAAAAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

YOU AND I, WE WERE ALWAYS ALONE. WE JUST WANTED TO BE LOVED. WE WERE WAITING FOR SOMEBODY WHO WOULD LOVE US, BUT WE WERE WRONG. YOU CAN'T WAIT TO BE LOVED, YOU HAVE TO GO OUT AND FIND IT. FOUR YEARS AGO, I REALIZED YOU CAN'T WISH FOR HAPPINESS, YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT HAPPEN. I LEARNED THAT I COULD LOVE. AS YOU PROBABLY DID... <-- TALKING ABOUT SNAKE OR WOLF? YOU DECIDE!

YOU SURE HE'S OKAY BECAUSE I CAN HEAR HIS WAILS OF DESPAIR ALL THE WAY FROM OVER HERE.

NAH HE'S A TOUGH COOKIE, HE'LL BE FINE. HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO BE PUNCHED IN THE STOMACH BY A NINJA?

WAIT WHAT- ARRRRGH

OLGA: I WAS THE NINJA ALL ALONG, LOL

YOU ALL LIED TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

TO BE FAIR YOU MAKE IT REALLY EASY.

THIS IS THE SAME TORTURE ROOM FROM MGS1.

SO HEY THIS GUY HAS NO IDENTIFICATION ON HIM AT ALL AND IS A TOTAL UNKNOWN. SURE HAS A LOT OF RANDOM BARCODES ON HIM THOUGH.

I KNOW HIM! I KNOW HIM! HE'S JACK THE RIPPER. HI JACK!

DUH?

I'M GOING TO TOUCH YOU WITH MY TENTACLES I SUDDENLY HAVE FOR SOME REASON.

BASDKAHGJGKATH

LOOKS LIKE YOUR MEMORY'S BEEN ALTERED WITH CEREBRAL IMPLANTS. WHAT A TWIST! YOU'RE MY SON BTW. I TAUGHT YOU EVERYTHING!

I DON'T REMEMBER ANY OF THAT.

I KNOW, BECAUSE OF THE IMPLANTS! ISN'T THAT CONVENIENT? I COULD TELL YOU ANYTHING AND IT COULD CONCEIVABLY BE TRUE! SO LET'S SAY THAT YOU FOUGHT IN THE LIBERIAN WAR IN THE EIGHTIES AS A CHILD SOLDIER AND KILLED A WHOLE TON OF DUDES. AND I WAS YOUR GODFATHER. THEN YOU DISAPPEARED AFTER THE WAR ENDED!

WOW, WHAT AN ODD COINCIDENCE HE WOULD BE HERE. YUP, SURE IS AN ODD, ODD COINCIDENCE.

SURE IS. EVERYTHING GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN WITH ARSENAL AND ALL THAT?

YUP. YOU KNOW, YOU'RE THE SPITTING IMAGE OF BIG BOSS.

HA HA, REALLY? THAT'S PRETTY COOL.

WANT TO MAKE OUT

WAIT WHAT

I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. YOU BETTER GET GOING.

ANYWAY THIS SURE IS NOSTALGIC ISN'T IT?

GET IT?!?!

DIDN'T SNAKE HAVE MORE CLOTHES?

YOU'RE INSIDE THE MEMORY OF SHADOW MOSES. (GET IT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!) ALSO ARSENAL GEAR! BE WARNED BECAUSE THINGS ARE GOING TO GET PRETTY CRAZY FROM THIS POINT ON.

THEY WEREN'T CRAZY ALREADY?!

LOL.

SUP. THE PATRIOTS SENT ME TO HELP YOU. THEY'RE HOLDING MY BABY HOSTAGE SO I HAD TO DO WHAT THEY SAID.

K.

IF YOU FAIL THEY'LL KILL MY CHILD. NO PRESSURE. I'M GONNA SET YOU FREE. HAVE FUN!

I DON'T HAVE ANY CLOTHES

HAVE FUN!

HI. ARE YOU REALLY A CHILD SOLDIER?
YUP. I SUDDENLY REMEMBER EVERYTHING! ALSO I HAD A LOT OF NIGHTMARES I DIDN'T REALLY MENTION UNTIL NOW. <-- JUST LIKE MG2, LOL
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU KILLED A WHOLE LOT OF DUDES WHEN YOU WERE LIKE EIGHT?
IDK I DIDN'T THINK YOU COULD REALLY RELATE? I JUST KILLED PEOPLE FOR NO REAL REASON ACTUALLY, SOLIDUS JUST POINTED ME AT DUDES AND WAS LIKE "KILL THOSE DUDES" AND I WAS LIKE "THAT'S COOL". SNAKE HAD A REASON BUT NOT ME. NOPE, I JUST KILLED DUDES. ALL SORTS OF DUDES. ALL THE TIME.
WOW, THAT'S TERRIBLE, HOW SAD.
THEY FED US GUNPOWDER TO KEEP US DOCILE!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
THEN THEY TOOK ME TO THE STATES BUT I HAD TERRIBLE NIGHTMARES AND THAT'S WHY I NEVER SLEPT NEXT TO YOU, I GUESS BECAUSE I MIGHT JUST KILL YOU ON A WHIM. I DID THAT A LOT AS A KID.
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL MEEEEE
I NEVER WANTED TO TELL ANYONE ABOUT MY CHILDHOOD DUDE KILLING! IT'S AWFUL! I'VE BEEN DELIBERATELY HIDING IT THIS WHOLE TIME! AND NOW I KNOW I HAVE TO GO KILL SOLIDUS WHO I HAD NO MEMORY OF OR FEELINGS TOWARDS UNTIL THIS MOMENT BUT I KNOW I AM THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN DEFEAT HIM!
I LOVE YOU ANYWAY EVEN IF YOU ARE CRAZY AND TRAUMATIZED AND KILLED LOTS OF DUDES! I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!
NO YOU CAN'T LOVE ME, MY BURDEN OF DUDE KILLING IS A BURDEN ONLY I CAN BEAR.
NO I CAN DO IT, I LOVE YOU! ALSO I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.
OUR TWO YEARS TOGETHER WERE REALLY PRETTY GREAT BUT WE CAN'T GET MARRIED AND DEFINITELY CAN'T HAVE A KID BECAUSE MAYBE I WOULD PASS ON MY DUDE KILLING TO HIM. WOULDN'T THAT BE TERRIBLE? I SHOULD NEVER HAVE CHILDREN.
GOTTA GO

NAKED CARTWHEELS!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

DEFEAT SOLIDUS AND DON'T DAMAGE ARSENAL!
I'M NAKED AND I NEED TO FIND SNAKE. ARE YOU WORKING FOR THE PATRIOTS?
INFILTRATE SHADOW MOSES AND DEFEAT THE TERRORISTS! THAT'S YOUR ROLE!
WHAT WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING IT'S MY ROLE?
THIS IS A ROLE PLAYING GAME, AFTER ALL! YOU DO WHAT I TELL YOU!
WOAH WAIT A MINUTE
YOU KNOW I'VE NEVER MET YOU IN PERSON.
COMPLETE YOUR MISSION! WE HAVE ROSEMARY!
WAIT WHAT?
THE MISSION IS A FAILURE! IT'S JUST A GAME! TURN OFF YOUR GAME CONSOLE!
YOU'LL RUIN YOUR EYES SITTING SO CLOSE TO THE TV.
OKAY I'M KIND OF FREAKING OUT.
I WAS ABDUCTED BY ALIENS!
OH MY GOD WHAT'S HAPPENING MY RADAR IS BROKEN AND THE AREA NAMES KEEP CHANGING AND I'M STILL NAKED WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING ME
INFILTRATE OUTER HEAVEN! DESTROY METAL GEAR! ROSE IS CHEATING ON YOU! GO RESCUE ARMSTECH PRESIDENT BAKER! I'M DIVORCED AND HAVING MONEY TROUBLES! I WAS A NORTH AMERICAN FALL WEBWORM IN MY PAST LIFE! I HEAR IT'S AMAZING WHEN THE FAMOUS PURPLE STUFFED WORM IN FLAP-JAW SPACE WITH THE TUNING FORK DOES A RAW BLINK ON HARA-KIRI ROCK... I NEED SCISSORS! 61! <-- I DIDN'T MAKE ANY OF THESE UP

AAA AAAA AAAA CAMPBELL WHY ARE YOU CRAZY AAA AAAAAAAGGHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHAT'S HAPPENING IS THE GAME BROKEN I'M FREAKING OUT AAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAA
HI ROSE.
HI I'M A PATRIOT SPY.
WHAT
BUT I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU! BUT I TOLD THEM EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. EXCEPT THAT I LOVED YOU.
SO THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE! OTHER THAN THIS GAME HAD A NAGGING QUOTA THAT EVEN OTACON COULDN'T FILL.
SORRY! I EVEN CHANGED EVERYTHING ABOUT MYSELF SO YOU'D LIKE ME BETTER. THIS ISN'T EVEN MY REAL EYE COLOR. I TOTES MANIPULATED YOU INTO LOVING ME. BUT WHAT I REALLY WANTED WAS FOR YOU TO SEE THE REAL ME! IT WAS ACTUALLY HARDER FOR ME THAN FOR YOU. YOU LOVED ME SO MUCH BUT IT WASN'T EVEN ME!
THAT'S COOL, I WAS PRETENDING TO BE SOMEONE I WASN'T BY LOVING YOU, BUT YOU DIDN'T EVEN EXIST ANYWAY EXCEPT IN MY HEAD SO WHATEVS.

THIS IS A METAPHOR FOR ALL THE LIES WE TELL EACH OTHER IN RELATIONSHIPS!

THIS IS CREEPY AND WEIRD.

I REALLY DO LOVE YOU THOUGH.
YEAH RIGHT.
ALSO I'M HAVING YOUR BAAAAAAAAAABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
OMG WHAT

LOL UR NAKED

>:(

HERE'S YOUR CLOTHES BACK. I HAD TO USE YOU AS BAIT TO GET INSIDE ARSENAL.

IS THIS A HUGE TRIPPED OUT FEVER DREAM BECAUSE IT REALLY FEELS LIKE ONE RIGHT NOW.

NOT TELLING. :3 ANYWAY THE VIRUS MAY OR MAY NOT WORK, AND THERE ARE 25 METAL GEAR RAYS AHEAD. BUT I THINK WE CAN HANDLE IT. HEY, YOU WANT THIS KATANA? I DON'T LIKE EM.

MY ARM... IS COMPLETE AGAIN!

OW QUIT HITTING ME

I CAN BLOCK BULLETS WITH THIS TOO? SWEET.

CHECK OUT MY INFINITE AMMO BANDANNA! <-- I DIDN'T MAKE THIS UP EITHER, HE SAYS ITS HIS INFINITE AMMO BANDANA.

STOP BEING SILLY, HAVE YOU EVER ENJOYED KILLING ANYONE? SOMETIMES IT FEELS JUST LIKE A GAME.

GET IT? GET IT?!?!?!!

YES! STOP IT!

YEAH VR WILL DO THAT.

NO, I KILLED LOTS OF DUDES! FOR REALS! WHEN I WAS YOUNGER. BOY WAS I A MURDERER.

K.

YOU'RE A LEGEND, AND I'M JUST A DUDE KILLER.

EH, LEGENDS MEAN WHATEVER. PEOPLE REMEMBER WHAT THEY WANT.

MURDER IS AWFUL!

YEAH OKAY.

WHAT ARE YOU AND OTACON FIGHTING FOR?

THE FUTURE.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

FIND SOMETHING TO BELIEVE IN AND FIGHT FOR THAT. PREFERABLY NOT KILLIN DUDES FOR NO REASON. THEN PASS IT ON ALONG.

LIKE WHAT? WHAT SHOULD I BELIEVE IN?

LOOK I CAN'T DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU, JESUS. ACTUALIZE YOUR OWN STUPID SELF.

HI I'M OKAY NOW AND THE HOSTAGES ARE FINE. BOY CAMPBELL SURE WAS CRAZY HUH? I'LL LOOK INTO IT.
TY.
I SEE SNAKE IS WITH YOU NOW. YOU LIVE AND DIE TOGETHER, YOU UNDERSTAND? THAT'S NOT AN IDLE THREAT, IF YOU LET HIM GET HURT I WILL COME OUT THERE AND BREAK YOUR KNEECAPS, RAIDEN. I AM NOT KIDDING. YOU TAKE CARE OF HIM OR I WILL KILL YOU. I WILL KILL YOU.
UH OKAY

BOY I SURE AM STUPID ALL OF A SUDDEN. TIME TO JUMP IN FRONT OF ALL THESE BULLETS!

D:<

SO THE CAMPBELL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE! I MEAN, METAL GEAR. CAMPBELL HAS ACTUALLY BEEN GW'S AI THE WHOLE TIME!
WAIT WHAT, WHAT THAT DOESN'T
ACTUALLY, IT'S MORE LIKE GW IS POKING YOUR BRAIN AND YOU IMAGINED A COLONEL BASED OFF OF EVERYTHING YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM! CAUSE NANOMACHINES. THE VIRUS MUST BE AFFECTING HIM AND THAT'S WHY YOU'RE TRIPPING BALLS.
I CAN'T- THAT DOESN'T- I DON'T EVEN- HOW-

THEY KIDNAPPED ROSE! OMG!

IT'S A TRAP.

HALP
DDDDD:

RAIDEN DON'T BE STUPID, IT'S A TRAP. WE JUST EXPLAINED IT TO YOU.

TO BE FAIR THAT EXPLANATION WAS KIND OF TOTALLY INSANE. SO WAIT, IF CAMPBELL DOESN'T EXIST, DOES ROSE NOT EXIST? I MEAN I IMAGINED ALL THIS STUFF ABOUT HIM, MAYBE I DID FOR HER TOO. MAYBE THIS IS ALL JUST IN MY HEAD!?!

GDIT I HAD A BET WITH OTACON THAT NOTHING WOULD BE CRAZIER THAN ZANZIBARLAND AND NOW I OWE HIM TEN DOLLARS.

HI, I'M STILL IN THIS GAME. HEY SNAKE, YOU KILLED MY DAD THE MARINE COMMANDANT. I'D LIKE TO DISCUSS THIS WITH YOU. WITH BULLETS.

UH OH. UH, WHY DON'T YOU GO ON AHEAD.

K!

I DIDN'T KILL YOUR DAD.

MY BULLETS DISAGREE!

AUGH!

THIS LOOKS LIKE A GIANT VR ARENA... WITH NO WALLS...

BOY YOU ARE GOOD AT KILLING DUDES JACK, REMEMBER BACK WHEN WE USED TO DO THAT AS KIDS? FUN TIMES.

EEEK!

OCELOT FOUND THE S3 DATA IN GW, IT STANDS FOR SOLID SNAKE SIMULATION! IT'S A BIG PROGRAM TO REPLICATE THE CIRCUMSTANCES TO RECREATE THE PERFECT WARRIOR, SINCE EVERYTHING/ONE THAT MADE SOLID SNAKE IS DEAD NOW BY HIS HAND. FUNNY THAT. SO THEY USED VR INSTEAD TO MAKE YOU! NEAT HUH? ISN'T IT IRONIC THAT YOU KILLED DUDES IN A REAL WAR AS A KID AND THEN CAME BACK TO WAR THROUGH A VIDEO GAME? CHECK OUT MY BACK TO THE FUTURE IMPRESSION. VROOM!

I'M CONFUSED.

WELL, TIME FOR YOU TO DIE. HAVE FUN WITH THESE METAL GEAR RAYS, THERE ARE LIKE A BILLION OF THEM AND THEY NEVER STOP COMING.

BLARGH

WOW IS THAT ALL YOU CAN DO? YOU SUCK. YOU HAVEN'T REALLY SUCCEEDED AT DOING ANYTHING THIS ENTIRE GAME, HAVE YOU?

YOU SUCK, PLAYER! IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU!

>:/

OH, I'LL SAVE YOU I GUESS. NOT LIKE I GOT MUCH TO LIVE FOR.

OH NO!

YOU DIE, MY KID DIES, REMEMBER? SO YOU KNOW. SHOO.

I CAN HEAR YOU. ALSO THAT EXPLAINS A LOT. BUT IF YOU WANT TO DIE THEN SURE I CAN HELP YOU WITH THAT.

NO BULLETS MY ONE WEAKNESS!

JESUS CHRIST!!!

SO BACK TO YOU GETTING STOMPED BY METAL GEARS. MAN, I LOVE WATCHING YOU GET STOMPED BY METAL GEARS. I COULD WATCH THAT ALL DAY. I SHOULD SET UP A VIDEO FEED OF THIS OR SOMETHING.

BLARHBLARHARBALRH

OH WHAT.

GW'S GONE LOCO! SOME KIND OF VIRUS IS HITTING IT OR SOMETHING! HOW STRANGE. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS.

DAMN THE PATRIOTS! FINE, I'LL JUST KILL ALL THESE METAL GEAR RAYS SINGLE HANDEDLY WITHOUT BREAKING A SWEAT. HOPE YOU ENJOY WATCHING ME DISPATCH THESE SO CARELESSLY WHEN THEY WERE KILLING YOU LEFT AND RIGHT A FEW SECONDS AGO.

>:(

SUP I CAPTURED SNAKE INSTEAD OF KILLING HIM. I GUESS I CHANGED MY MIND.

EH, I GUESS I CAN LEAVE JACKIE BOY ALIVE A LITTLE LONGER.

BLEH

OKAY THIS IS GETTING SORT OF COMPLICATED, BUT I THINK I UNDERSTAND WHAT'S GOING ON. MOSTLY. OKAY.

SO GW'S AI IS SHOT THANKS TO YOU. I'M GOING TO CHOKE YOU FOR A BIT IF THAT'S OKAY. THIS IS REALLY SATISFYING.

BASKAHFXAGAGYGASRJGLH

HE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING.

BUT MAYBE SOMEONE DOES!

WHAT?

IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

WELL MAYBE I HAVE MY OWN BUSINESS TO ATTEND TO!

LIKE STEALING ARSENAL GEAR AHA YOU WERE GOING TO BETRAY ME I KNEW IT! HA HA, GOT YOUR NUMBER! THE THING IS, I WAS THE ONE WHO TOLD OCELOT TO TELL YOU TO BETRAY ME IN THE FIRST PLACE! BECAUSE I WAS GOING TO GIVE IT TO YOU ANYWAY!

I... WHAT?

BUT I DIDN'T WANT ARSENAL GEAR ANYWAY, WHAT I REALLY WANTED WAS THE NAMES OF THE PATRIOTS! IT WAS PROGRAMMED INTO GW SO I JUST TOOK IT ON OUT. AND I AM GOING TO KILL THEM.

OKAY WHATEVER, I'LL JUST TAKE ARSENAL THEN.

HAVE FUN. GLAD WE'RE STILL ON GOOD TERMS.

HAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD YOU'RE ALL SO STUPID. I'M WORKING FOR THE PATRIOTS! I ACTUALLY BETRAYED EVERYONE! I KEEP DOING IT! WHY DOESN'T ANYONE EVER CATCH ON TO ME? IT'S AMAZING.

WHAT

I TOLD YOU THE S3 WAS TO MAKE SOLID SNAKES, BUT IT'S ACTUALLY NOT! IT'S A RECREATION OF MGS1 ENTIRELY! AMES DYING ALL FOXDIE-ISH, THE NINJA, THE PRESIDENT, ALL OF IT WAS ALL JUST TO ECHO MGS1! EXCEPT FATMAN, HE WAS JUST CRAZY AND STUPID BUT WHATEVER. WE'LL USE THE INFORMATION FROM THIS WHOLE THING TO MAKE A PROGRAM THAT WILL MAKE THE PERFECT SIMULATION OF MGS1 TO MAKE MORE SNAKES! YOU TOTALLY FELL FOR IT, SOLIDUS! HAHA!

D:<

AND SEE, YOU'RE BIG BOSS AND RAIDEN IS SOLID SNAKE! AND DEADCELL WAS THE BIGGEST COLLECTION OF FREAKS OUTSIDE OF FOXHOUND! <-- OH SNAP, OCELOT

IT WAS ALL SET UP SO YOU TWO COULD FIGHT. INCLUDING KILLING YOUR DAD, FORTUNE! I DID THAT, BY THE WAY. THAT WAS FUN. ALSO IMPRISONING YOUR HUSBAND AND CAUSING DEAD CELL TO IMPLODE AND GO CRAZY IN THE FIRST PLACE. TOO BAD THE ACTUAL SOLID SNAKE SHOWED UP, THAT KIND OF MESSED UP EVERYTHING.

I'LL KILL YOOOOOOOOOOOUUU

NOPE. YOUR MAGIC POWERS WERE JUST A SHIELD WE GAVE YOU WITHOUT TELLING YOU. THEN YOU HAMMED IT UP FOR ALL YOUR MEN JUST LIKE WE PLANNED. YOU FELL FOR IT AGAIN! HAHAHAHAHAHA! GOD THIS IS LIKE A BACKSTABBING BUFFET.

ARGH BULLETS WERE MY ONE WEAKNESS AFTER AAAAALLLL

OCELOT HOW COULD YOU OMG I TRUSTED YOU ;_x

I DON'T KNOW WHY PEOPLE KEEP DOING THAT. I HAVE A MAGIC SHIELD TOO, SO HAVE FUN NOT SHOOTING ME! ME AND RAY ARE GETTING BACK TOGETHER. AND YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE.

YOU MAY HAVE A MAGIC PATRIOT SHIELD BUT I HAVE TWO SWORDS!

OCELOT: GDIT THERE IS NO REASON WHY THAT SHOULD ACTUALLY WORK AT DEFLECTING BULLETS, SOLIDUS, AND YET I CAN'T HIT YOU.

DON'T MIND ME, I'M JUST GOING TO BREAK FREE OVER HERE.

I'M STILL UP!

GDIT! THAT'S IT, YOU'RE GETTING ALL OF RAY'S MISSILES RIGHT IN THE FACE.

FORTUNE, DON'T BE A HERO!

MISSILES: DUHWOAHWOAH

WHAT

SHE IS LADY LUCK. <-- THANKS SNAKE.

BLARGH

WELL FINE, I USED ALL MY MISSILES BUT I STILL HAVE THIS COOL LASER.

AGH NO JESUS THIS IS THE WORST TIME

LIQUID: BROTHERS!!!!!

LIQUID!!!!

WAIT YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

I'VE BEEN WAITING INSIDE THIS ARM THE WHOLE TIME!! THE ULTIMATE DOUBLECROSS!

MY BRAAAAAINNNSSS

I WAS THE ONE WHO TOLD OTACON ABOUT ARSENAL AND BROUGHT YOU HERE! BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN WAKE ME UP FROM THIS ARM.

THIS IS A THING THAT IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.

ANYWAY I'M GONNA GO KILL THE PATRIOTS, BECAUSE OCELOT KNOWS WHO THEY ARE. THAT'S WHY I CHOSE HIM! BECAUSE AS A DEAD BODY I HAD A LOT OF POWER TO DECIDE WHO WOULD GET MY DONOR ARM. ANYWAY, FAMILY REUNIONS ARE FUN, AREN'T THEY?

THEY'RE MORE FUN... WITH BULLETS!

I STILL HAVE MY MAGIC SHIELD, NEENER NEENER.

WHY WAS I THE ONLY ONE WHO WAS NEVER TOLD THAT I HAD BROTHERS?

BYE!

NOOOOOOOOOO *LEAPS INTO THE OCEAN AFTER HIM*

SNAKE WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU WE KIND OF HAVE A PROBLEM HERE!!

WHEEEEEE!

BLUB!

@#%@.

...

ARSENAL GEAR: GONNA PLOW RIGHT INTO MANHATTAN WHICH IS STRANGELY EMPTY AND HIT THE FEDERAL BUILDING LOL

DO YOU KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS JACK

JESUS DON'T YOU START

GEORGE WASHINGTON TOOK OFFICE 200 YEARS AGO! AND NOW WE'RE GOING TO START A NEW NATION HERE! WE'RE GOING TO LIBERATE THE COUNTRY FROM THE PATRIOT'S RULE!

YOU JUST WANT POWER.

I WANT TO FREE THE PEOPLE! AND BESIDES WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE. ALL WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DO IS PASS ON OUR GENETIC MATERIAL, BUT I'M A CLONE AND ALSO STERILE, SO I AM KIND OF BONED IN THAT DEPARTMENT. WHAT TO DO? TAKE ON AN ORPHAN AND TEACH HIM TO KILL DUDES! THAT'S WHAT I DID ANYWAY. I JUST WANT TO GO DOWN IN HISTORY AND BE REMEMBERED! BY EVERYONE! <- LOL I ACTUALLY FORGOT THAT THAT'S SERIOUSLY WHAT SOLIDUS WANTS, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL

NOT EVEN YOUR OWN FAMILY SEEMS TO REMEMBER YOU, AND AFTER THIS MOST PEOPLE STILL WON'T.

SHUT UP! OH, ARE YOU GETTING A CODEC CALL? THAT'S COOL, I'LL JUST WAIT.

HI.
BUT GW WAS DESTROYED!
THAT'S NOT ALL THAT I AM! I'M ACTUALLY THE FORMLESS LIVING CONSCIOUSNESS OF THE WHITE HOUSE! I'M THE NATIONAL SPIRIT OF AMERICA IN CAMPBELL FORM!
ME TOO I GUESS???
WHAT
THE WAY HISTORY AND INFORMATION PASSES ON IS SORT OF LIKE GENES CAUSE ONLY PART OF IT COMES THROUGH. BUT ALL THIS INTERNET IS MAKING EVERYTHING COME THROUGH. OUR EVOLUTION IS AT STAKE!
IT'S NOT ABOUT CENSORSHIP, IT'S ABOUT CREATING CONTEXT! EVERYONE'S GETTING BOMBARDED WITH ALL THESE CONFLICTING MESSAGES SO THEY END UP IN THESE LITTLE GATED COMMUNITIES BELIEVING WHATEVER THEY WANT AND EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE.
WE'LL DECIDE WHAT INFORMATION IS IMPORTANT AND SHOULD BE PASSED ON! WHY SHOULDN'T VAGUE EMBODIED CONCEPTS OF NATIONALISM THAT MIGHT BE FIGMENTS OF YOUR IMAGINATION HAVE A SAY?
MAYBE I'LL BELIEVE WHAT I WANT FOR MYSELF, SO THERE!
SNAKE TOLD YOU TO DO THAT, YOU DINGUS. WAY TO ILLUSTRATE OUR POINT. GOD YOU ARE SUCH A FAILURE AT EVERYTHING
>:(
I MEAN YOU'RE BARELY A PERSON. YOU HAVE NO SENSE OF "SELF". YOU'RE BASED ON LIES.
BECAUSE EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THIS GAME KEPT LYING TO ME!
SHOULD WE REALLY LET SOMEONE AS GULLIBLE AND MALLEABLE AS YOU DECIDE WHAT TO PASS ON? NOPE! BUT REALLY WE WANT WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU, HUMANS ARE JUST TOO STUPID TO TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES.
I'M STILL NOT ENTIRELY CLEAR ON EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE
S3 DOESN'T STAND FOR SOLID SNAKE SIMULATION, IT STANDS FOR SELECTION FOR SOCIETAL SANITY! YOU'RE NOT THE PRODUCT OF S3, IT'S US! IT'S THE METHOD THAT MADE THE CIRCUMSTANCE THAT MADE YOU WHAT YOU ARE. CHECK OUT THESE FISSION MAILED SCREENS. I DARE YOU TO BE MORE META.
...
THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS WAS TO MAKE THAT METHOD. SO WE USED SHADOW MOSES FOR IT, SINCE THAT SITUATION WAS TOTALLY BONKERS, AND IF WE COULD HANDLE THAT, WE COULD PROBABLY DO ANYTHING. WE CHOSE YOU FOR IT BECAUSE YOU DENIED YOUR PAST BY PRETENDING TO BE SNAKE.
JUST LIKE THIS GAME PRETENDED TO BE MGS1! BECAUSE THAT'S ALL YOU WANT FROM ME! BUT BOY I SURE SHOWED YOU, DIDN'T I? HAHAHAHAHAHA!
DIDN'T I HAVE A BUNCH OF CEREBRAL IMPLANTS THAT ERASED MY MEMORY OR SOMETHING?
NOPE, YOU TURN YOUR BACK ON EVERYTHING YOU DON'T LIKE, YOU SELFISH DOUCHEBAG. YOU'RE AN AWFUL PERSON. I SHOULD KNOW! YOU NEVER SAW ME FOR WHO I WAS, EVEN THOUGH I WANTED YOU TO SEE THROUGH ME BUT NOT ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY TELL YOU THE TRUTH I GUESS. BUT YOU NEVER DID, BECAUSE YOU WERE ALL GENTLEMANLY OR SOMETHING! YOU NEVER REACHED OUT TO ME!
I WAS TRYING NOT TO HURT YOU? AM I FOLLOWING THIS RIGHT?
LIES! MORE SELFISHNESS! YOU'RE THE PERFECT EXAMPLE OF THE STUPID PEOPLE WE'LL BE SAVING FROM THEMSELVES. YOU TERRIBLE DISGRACE OF A HUMAN BEING.
AND YOU FELL FOR IT, YOU DID EVERYTHING WE WANTED! YOU EVEN FELL IN LOVE WITH ROSE! HA HA HA HA! GOD YOU'RE SO STUPID!
RAIDEN IS YOU!
>:(
K, GO KILL SOLIDUS.
AFTER THAT? NO!
IF YOU DIE, OLGA'S KID DIES. ALSO ROSE, DID WE NOT MENTION THAT?
DOES SHE EVEN EXIST?
OF COURSE I DO, JACK! YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME! <-- SUBTLE KOJIMA
WELP, GUESS I HAVE NO CHOICE.
THAT'S RIGHT, DANCE PUPPET! EITHER WAY WE WIN! HA HA!
I AM SO CONFUSED RIGHT NOW.

HEY SONNY BOY, WOW THAT TOOK A WHILE, I DOZED OFF FOR A BIT. ANYWAY, ME AND MY BROTHERS WERE CALLED MONSTERS SINCE WE WERE CLONES, BUT YOU'RE STILL A MONSTER EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE ONE OF A KIND. ISN'T THAT A THEMATICALLY APPROPRIATE JUXTAPOSITION? IT'S SO COOL THAT I'M RESPONSIBLE FOR IT TOO! FUNNY HOW THINGS WORK OUT. ALSO I KILLED YOUR PARENTS.

WAIT WHAT YOU CAN'T JUST THROW THAT OUT CASUALLY AT THE END OF A RAMBLE LIKE THAT

I WANTED TO SEE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF WE REPEATED HISTORY. SOLID AND LIQUID GOT OBSESSED WITH BIG BOSS AND EVENTUALLY KILLED HIM, SO I BECAME YOUR BIG BOSS AND NOW YOU HAVE TO KILL ME! I'M NOT PLANNING ON DYING THOUGH, SO THAT'S TOO BAD FOR YOU I GUESS.

WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT! OW OW OW

VROOOOOM!

GET TO WORK ON BEATING SOLIDUS ALREADY, HUP HUP.
WE'RE NOT JUST PAWNS IN A GAME YOU KNOW!
YES YOU ARE.

THIS IS SO DEEP.

A SWORD... HOW COULD THAT BE MY ONE WEAKNESS... BLARGH

WHY HAS NO ONE NOTICED THIS GIGANTIC METAL GEAR IN THE MIDDLE OF MANHATTAN? IS EVERYONE ON VACATION? DID I JUST HALLUCINATE EVERYTHING THAT JUST HAPPENED? WHO AM I!?!?

EH, WHO KNOWS. MEMORIES SUCK AND NOTHING'S REAL ANYWAY.

THEN WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE IN?!!

IDK, DOESN'T REALLY MATTER IF IT'S TRUE OR NOT. JUST REALLY BELIEVE IN WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE FIGHTING FOR. THEN THAT'LL BE YOU AND... GO WITH THAT, I GUESS.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO THINK FOR MYSELF.

WELL DUH.

IT'S LIKE SOME PERSON HOLDING A CONTROLLER WAS PREVENTING ME FROM MAKING MY OWN DECISIONS.

>:(

SO JUST START OVER OR SOMETHING. GIVE YOURSELF A NEW NAME AND PURPOSE. INCIDENTALLY, I JUST NOTICED YOU'RE WEARING DOGTAGS. HOW VERY RELATED TO WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT. SO WHOSE NAME IS THAT?

DOGTAGS: I'M THE PLAYER LOL

I DUNNO I NEVER SEEN THEM BEFORE. BUT I WON'T WEAR THIS ANYMORE! YOU HEAR THAT, PLAYER? I REJECT YOU! I REJECT YOU BECAUSE I'M BETTER THAN YOU AND YOU'RE A TERRIBLE PERSON AND HAVE JUST BEEN HOLDING ME BACK FROM MY ~REAL SELF~ BY WISHING I WAS SNAKE AND CRUELLY IMPOSING YOUR WILL ON ME!

JUST LIKE HOW THE INDUSTRY IMPOSES ITS WILL ON ME! AND I HATE YOU, JUST LIKE I HATE THE INDUSTRY! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT FOR LIKING MGS1 SO MUCH! I REJECT YOU JUST LIKE RAIDEN DOES! I HOPE YOU TAKE THIS GAME AND CHOKE ON IT!

WHY DOESN'T ANYONE LIKE RAIDEN OR MGS2 :( I DON'T UNDERSTAND

SO WHAT ABOUT OLGA'S BABY.

I GUESS I'LL GO FIND IT, SINCE I CAN'T TRUST YOU TO BUTTER TOAST WITHOUT SCREWING UP SOMEHOW. I ALSO PUT A TRACKER ON LIQUID'S RAY, SO THAT'S DONE. AND GOT THE LIST OF THE PATRIOTS, SINCE THE ONE WE GAVE YOU WAS FAKE. LOL.

GDIT! THE GAME IS OVER AND PEOPLE STILL CAN'T STOP LYING TO ME!

WELL GOTTA GO, I SENSE DRAMA COMING.

WHAT

ROSE: SUP

OH HAI. SO WHO AM I?

IDK. BUT LET'S FIND OUT TOGETHER!

OKAY! I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH ANY OF THE INSANE THINGS THAT JUST HAPPENED RE: YOU, LET'S JUST PICK UP WHERE WE LEFT OFF.

AWESOME! SEE ME FOR WHO I AM, OKAY?

K, ALTHOUGH YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WAS LYING TO ME ABOUT YOURSELF. HEY, I REMEMBER WHAT TODAY IS. IT'S THE DAY I MET YOU! THAT'S IT, I WANT TO TEACH FUTURE GENERATIONS TO PASSIVE AGGRESSIVELY NAG THEIR PARTNERS ABOUT CERTAIN DATES! I MEAN, I WANT TO TEACH THEM ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT AND FEELINGS AND POETRY!

DID YOU JUST ASK ME TO MARRY YOU?

MAYBE?!?!?!

CREDITS: LOL

WAIT WHAT THE #$^#?! WAIT A MINUTE!

LOLOL

PASS ON COOL STUFF TO YOUR KIDS. BE COOL TO EACH OTHER. K BYE.

ENDING SONG: MY TITLE IS "CAN'T SAY GOODBYE TO YESTERDAY", GET IT?????

TITLE: HI!!

SO I LOOKED OVER THE LIST AND IT TURNS OUT ALL THE PATRIOTS ARE ALREADY DEAD. LIKE A HUNDRED YEARS AGO.

WTF

BWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM


THANKS A MILLION FOR WATCHING! PLEASE STAY TUNED FOR OUR TROUPE'S NEXT PROJECT, METAL GEAR SOLID 3!

INDEX