METAL GEAR SOLID: THE KIND OF SHORT VERSION



CURRENT ZAR NOTE: OPENED ON LJ IN 2008.




THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING OUR PREVIOUS PRODUCTIONS, METAL GEAR AND METAL GEAR 2: SOLID SNAKE! YOUR GENEROUS DONATIONS HAVE ALLOWED US TO PUT ON OUR BIGGEST SHOW TO DATE - METAL GEAR SOLID! WE HOPE YOU WILL CONTINUE TO BLESS US WITH YOUR CONTINUED PATRONAGE!

SOME OF THESE SPRITES WERE POSSIBLE THANKS TO GENEROUS DONATIONS FROM VIEWERS LIKE YOU! PLEASE COME OUT AND TAKE A BOW!

PLEASE THANK SPIRITSOLDIER AND FIREFLY99 RESPECTIVELY FOR HELPING OUT OUR TROUPE!

WE SINCERELY HOPE YOU ENJOY OUR PRODUCTION!

I AM SOLID SNAKE, AND I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF METAL GEAR STUPID HOUSE FOR CRAZY FREAKS. I AM GOING TO ALASKA WHERE I AM GOING TO RACE DOGS AND DRINK. A LOT. AND DO NOTHING ELSE.

CAMPBELL: SUP SNAKE

WHAT

CHLOROFORM

WHATSHAGHSAGBGBBBLLLBLB

NOW THAT WE'VE GOT THAT OUT OF THE WAY WE NEED YOU TO GO THIS PLACE CALLED SHADOW MOSES.

NO

THERE'S THIS GROUP OF TERRORISTS THAT HAVE A NUKE AND THEY'RE GOING TO BLOW US ALL UP SNAKE

WTF IS THERE NO ONE ELSE WHO WILL DO THIS

WELL THERE'S NO ONE ELSE WHO WILL *PUT UP* WITH THIS, NO

SO YEAH THEY HAVE A NUKE

NAOMI: DON'T MIND ME JUST GIVING YOU A SHOT HUM TE TUM THERE'S NOTHING SUSPICIOUS ABOUT THIS SHOT PLEASE GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS

AND SOME IMPORTANT DUDES. YOU NEED TO RESCUE THEM. AND STOP THE NUKE.

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I HAD TO DO LAST TIME

WELL THAT'S WHY YOU'RE SO GOOD AT IT

BUT I AM BITTER AND JADED NOW

MY DAUGHTERNIECE IS THERE

OH WELL THAT'S DIFFERENT THEN

SO IT'S A GROUP OF PSYCHOS AS USUAL EXCEPT ONE OF THEM LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU

HUH

AND HE'S CALLED LIQUID SNAKE

HUH

IT'S ALMOST LIKE HE'S YOUR TWIN

I HAVE NO FAMILY!!!!

WELL ANYWAY GET IN THERE, AND FIND YOUR OWN WEAPONS CAUSE WE'RE REAL BUSY.

HERE I AM

LIQUID SNAKE: I WILL PUT MY SHIRT BACK ON WHEN I AM READY TO PUT MY SHIRT BACK ON.

*HIND D!!!*

CAMPBELL: TIME TO INTRODUCE YOU TO YOUR SUPPORT TEAM

SNAKE: YOU COULDN'T HAVE DONE THIS AN HOUR AGO

MEI LING: I SAVE YOUR GAME! AND TELL YOU PROVERBS, MOST OF WHICH BOIL DOWN TO "YOU DON'T REALLY NEED THAT AMMO PACK NO STOP IT GOD YOU SET OFF THE ALERT WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU". TEE HEE HEE~

NASTASHA: NUKES ARE BAD!!!11!

NAOMI: I'M HERE TO INEPTLY COVER MY HATRED FOR YOU WITH AWKWARD FLIRTING

I CAN LIVE WITH THAT

NUKES!!!

IN A VENT

MASTER MILLER: HEY SNAKE REMEMBER ME

YOU WERE USELESS

AND NOW I'M USELESS IN ALASKA!!!

THERE'S NOTHING I WANT MORE IN A DANGEROUS SITUATION THAN SOMEONE WHO GIVES ME USELESS INFORMATION, WELCOME ABOARD

HEY DARPA CHIEF SUP

DARPA CHIEF DONALD ANDERSON: SUP

CAN THEY REALLY LAUNCH A NUKE

CAUSE IT'D BE NICE IF THEY COULDN'T AND I COULD GO HOME

JUST SAYIN

YEAH THEY CAN SORRY

:(

THEY'RE ACTUALLY GOING TO LAUNCH IT FROM A METAL GEAR, COME TO THINK OF IT

>:(

SO DARPA AND ARMSTECH JOINED TOGETHER TO MAKE A METAL GEAR, AND THEN TERRORISTS GOT IT. I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS KEEPS HAPPENING WITH THESE THINGS.

>:(

BUT THEY CAN'T FIRE IT WITHOUT TWO CODES. COINCIDENTALLY, THE TWO PEOPLE HELD HOSTAGE KNOW THOSE CODES. AND I TALKED.

>(

BUT IF YOU GET THREE CARD KEYS YOU CAN STOP IT. SO YOU SHOULD PROBABLY DO THAT. BAKER PROBABLY HAS THEM.

K

I HEARD THEY CEMENTED BAKER IN A ROOM IN THE BASEMENT

...PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE JOKING

YOU DIDN'T HEAR ANY OTHER WAY TO DISMANTLE THE WARHEAD RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?!?! THIS IS IMPORTANT

WHAT NO

HHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRNNNNGNH

MY GOD HE'S DEAD

CAMPBELL HE TOTALLY JUST DIED RIGHT HERE WTF

WTF

WTF

YES, WTF

WAIT DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT THIS

NO.

IT LOOKED LIKE A HEART ATTACK. THAT'S TOTALLY BIZARRE AND UNHEARD OF, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW HE HAD ONE. I GOTTA GO.

SUSPICIOUS SOLDIER: HEY GET OUTTA THERE

YOU KILLED THE CHIEF WTF

DID NOT

DON'T MOVE

LOL N00B

NO U

LOL N00B

NO U!!!!!!

U SUK

SHUT UP!!!!

SUP

N00B SOLDIER: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WELL BYE

WHAT HEY WAIT

YOU HAVE A REALLY NICE BUTT

REALLY

DIE

NOPE

UP I GO

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

WHAT

WHAT

WHAT WAS THAT WHAT

CAMPBELL HELP

THAT WAS PROBABLY PSYCHO MANTIS. HE'S GOT ALL KINDS OF CRAZY POWERS.

OH BIG SURPRISE.

HEY SNAKE KNOCK KNOCK

WHAT

NUKES!!!!

:|

WHY ARE PEOPLE CONSTANTLY CEMENTING EACH OTHER IN ROOMS

THIS IS NOT NORMAL

ARMSTECH PRESIDENT KENNETH BAKER: HRRRRGH

OKAY

HI

HI?

YOU TOUCH HIM AND EVERYTHING WILL BLOW UP. THIS IS A BRILLIANT PLAN THAT CANNOT FAIL OR BACKFIRE.

...YEAH

I'M REVOLVER

*SPIN*

*SPIN*

*SPIN*

OCELOT

YES I CAN SEE THAT.

THIS HERE'S MY GUN.

YES.

TIME TO DIE

I'M GETTING OFF ON LOADING MY GUN BY THE WAY

AND YET THIS IS NOT THE WEIRDEST BATTLE I'VE FOUGHT IN MY CAREER, SADLY ENOUGH

UUUUUUUUUUNF

OW STOP SHOOTING ME GOD

CYBORG NINJA: SUP GUYS

MY HAND WTF

SNAKE SNAKE SNAKE SNAKE SNAKE SNAKE

WHAT

SJAIHAHGAGFAHSDHAGAFGAFGAGFAGFGAGGSGAAASSFGFGFFFFFFFFFFF *SPASMS, LEAVES*

THANKS FOR CUTTING THE WIRES BTW CRAZY PERSON

BLARG

I TALKED SO THEY HAVE MY CODE TOO

>(

OCELOT'S A SICKO. I HOPE YOU DON'T GET STRIPPED NAKED AND TORTURED BY HIM.

THE DARPA CHIEF IS DEAD. JUST FYI.

NOOOOOOOOOOOO ;_;

OW STOP HITTING ME

I GAVE THE CARDS TO A WOMAN

WHEN DID YOU FIND THE TIME TO DO THAT

YOU SHOULD TALK TO HER ON THE CODEC. LOOK ON THE BACK OF THE CD CASE.

THE WHAT

YOU SHOULD ALSO FIND SOME DORK NAMED HAL EMMERICH. HE MADE METAL GEAR, SO IN THE TOTALLY UNLIKELY EVENT THAT SOMETHING UNEXPECTED HAPPENS, HE MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP YOU.

RESCUING A SCIENTIST, THAT'S NEW AND FRESH. HOPEFULLY THIS ONE WON'T JUMP ROOMS LIKE A GIANT FLEA.

DID YOU KNOW THAT NUKES ARE BAD

YOU DON'T SAY

NUKES ARE BAD. BAD.

YES.

BAD. NUCLEAR WAR IS BAD. AND SO ARE NUKES.

YES.

HERE HAVE A DISK WITH ALL OF METAL GEAR'S INFO ON IT

K

WHAT WAS WITH THAT NINJA BTW

YOU SHOULD ASK NAOMI HUNTERRRRRRRRRRRNNGGHHHHHH

IT HAPPENED AGAIN.

HMM.

WAS THAT ANOTHER HEART ATTACK

WELL HERE'S A LIST OF THINGS THAT CAUSE HEART ATTACKS SO I CAN AVOID ANSWERING YOUR QUESTION

I WANT YOU TO WORK WITH MERYL SNAKE

WHAT

DO IT NOW

FINE WHATEVER

NAOMI WHAT WAS THAT CRAZY NINJA'S DEAL

I HAVE NO IDEA BYE

CD CASE WHAT CD CASE

THERE'S NO CD CASE HERE

PLAYER: WAIT THEY MEAN THE ACTUAL CD CASE THE GAME CAME IN WTF KIND OF COPY PROTECTION IS THIS

SUP MERYL

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG SNAKE

|<

YOU'RE AWESOME

YOU'RE HOT

TEE HEE

BUT YOU PROBABLY WOULDN'T LIKE ME IF YOU MET ME

...WAIT WHAT

YOU LOOK JUST LIKE LIQUID

I HAVE NO FAMILY!!!!

DID YOU KNOW THIS BASE IS ACTUALLY A SECRET MILITARY BASE FOR DEVELOPING METAL GEAR AND NOT A NUCLEAR STORAGE FACILITY

OR DID I JUST BLOW YOUR MIND

CAMPBELL >:(

AND THEY CALLED IN FOXHOUND TO WATCH BECAUSE FOUR UNHINGED PSYCHOPATHS ARE JUST THE KIND OF PEOPLE YOU WANT INVOLVED IN THIS SORT OF THING

YOU SAY THAT LIKE THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO AREN'T UNHINGED PSYCHOPATHS

SO WHERE'S DR. DORKARICH? I NEED TO ASK HIM HOW TO DESTROY METAL GEAR, AND IF IT INVOLVES L OR R OR AN ABSURD COMBINATION OF THE TWO I AM PROBABLY GOING TO KILL HIM.

OOOH I WANNA COME

NO

YES

NO YOU'LL GET SHOT YOU N00B

I AM NOT A N00B!!!!

N00B

BUT SHOOTING PEOPLE IS HARD :(

IF YOU SUCK

:(

STAY OUT OF MY WAY.

FINE.

HAHA JUST KIDDING

>:(

LOOK OUT SNAKE THERE ARE MINES THERE

WHO ARE YOU

A FAN

...

CALL ME DEEPTHROAT

THIS BETTER NOT HAPPEN AGAIN IN THE FUTURE

THERE'S ALSO A TANK BTW

VULCAN RAVEN: GTFO

OH JESUS

LOL

NO GRENADES MY ONE WEAKNESS

HELP I WAS SITTING ON A SPRING AAAAAAAAAA

THANKS FOR THE CARD BYE

WELL HE HAS THE CARD NOW, I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.

MAYBE I AM OKAY DID YOU EVER THINK OF THAT

HE SEEMS PRETTY HARDCORE. LIKE YOU.

SHUT UP.

I AM GOING TO KILL THAT GUY.

HEARD HE CUT OFF YOUR HAND. LOL.

SHUT UP >(

DID YOU KNOW SIOUX MEANS SNAKE?

IT'S GOING TO MEAN TORTURED SNAKE IN A SECOND

THE RAVEN ON MY HEAD...IT THIRSTS FOR HIS BLOOD. <--- DIRECT LINE FROM THE GAME

WHAT

WELL ANYWAY

YOU CAN'T USE WEAPONS THERE SNAKE CAUSE YOU MIGHT LEAK PLUTONIUM EVERYWHERE

SEZ YOU

DON'T WORRY I JUST MADE IT SO HE CAN'T USE THEM WITH MAGIC. I MEAN, NANOMACHINES.

FINE ARTIFICIALLY INCREASE THE DIFFICULTY OF THIS SEGMENT SEE IF I CARE

WHO LAYS OUT BUILDINGS LIKE THIS?

USE A REMOTE CONTROLLED MISSILE TO TAKE OUT THE CONTROL PANEL OVER THERE

YOU KNOW I DIDN'T LIKE DOING THIS THE FIRST TIME

I AM KILLING THE HELL OUT OF ALL THESE DUDES

:O

WELL BYE

HEY WAIT

HEY YOU, DORK BOY

SCIENTIST: OH JESUS

WHERE'S MY FRIEND

WHAT

AHARGGLABSFALGBALALGBALGAGHASGLAG

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

*PEE*

CUT THAT OUT

SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE

HEY, YOU'RE THAT NINJA. <-- DIRECT FROM THE GAME

FIGHT ME SNAKE

IN FACT, PUNCH ME TO DEATH IF YOU COULD.

WAIT A MINUTE

THAT'S GREAT YOU GUYS YOU CAN JUST DO THAT AND I'M GOING TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK IN THIS LOCKER IF THAT'S OKAY WITH YOU BYE

WHATEVER

STOP BULLYING THE NERD, THAT'S MY JOB.

PUNCH ME HARDER. NO HARDER. UNF UNF UNF. OH GOD YES THAT'S IT RIGHT THERE. UUUUUUUNF

THIS IS MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE IN A WAY I CAN'T EXACTLY EXPLAIN.

GOD WHAT WOULD REALLY MAKE THIS THE BEST WOULD BE IF THE WALLS WERE LINED WITH LANDMINES AND I JUST SHOT MY GIRLFRIEND WITH A MISSILE FOR NO REASON

...GREY FOX!!!

JASKGAJGHAJGJAJSKJGJGKVBBKLASKFSAOWUTUGYAHVJKGA *SEIZURES OUT OF THE ROOM*

WTF CAMPBELL I PUNCHED HIM TO DEATH IN ZANZIBAR LAND!!!!

I KNOW WTF IS THIS!!

ACTUALLY HE'S ALIVE AND I KNOW A SUSPICIOUS AMOUNT OF INFORMATION ABOUT HIM.

WHAT

DR. CLARK TOOK GREY FOX AND TORTURED/EXPERIMENTED ON HIM UNTIL HE WENT CRAZY AND MADE HIM A CYBORG NINJA BECAUSE HE WAS APPARENTLY A SICKO.

:(

I TOOK THIS VERY PERSONALLY.

WHY

NO REASON UH ARE YOU GOING TO KILL HIM

IDK MAYBE

:(

WHAT HE WANTS ME TO >:( JEEZ

GET OUT OF THAT LOCKER YOU WUSS

ARE YOU GOING TO CHOP ME INTO BITS ;_;

NO. I ALWAYS WORK ALONE |<

SO ARE YOU AN OTAKU TOO :3

NO WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU

YOU'RE HAL EMMERICH RIGHT?

ARE YOU HERE TO RESCUE ME? *_*

NO I'M BUSY. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR LEG

I HURT IT TRYING TO SCAMPER AWAY ;_;

SUCK IT UP. WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH METAL GEAR?

IT SHOOTS RAINBOWS AND PUPPIES, AND TRANSFORMS INTO A GIANT TIGER!! THEN IT MERGES WITH THE OTHER METAL GEARS TO FORM

SNAKE: IT SO DOES NOT!!!! >O IT'S GOING TO BLOW UP EVERYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!! RARRRRRGH

EMMERICH: OW OW WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT OH GOD D: D:

SNAKE: THEY'RE GOING TO SHOOT A MISSILE WITH IT. WITH THE PART THAT SHOOTS MISSILES.

EMMERICH: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW THIS

*SOB* IT HAS A THING TO CARRY NUCLEAR MISSILES BUT I NEVER THOUGHT IT'D SHOOT THEM

WHY WOULD IT BE CARRYING THEM THEN

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY REX IS SHOOTING NUCLEAR MISSILES NOOOOOOOOOOO OH GOD I'M GOING TO CAUSE THE DEATHS OF THOUSANDS NOOOOOOOOOOOO

UH

DID YOU KNOW MY GRANDFATHER WORKED ON THE MANHATTAN PROJECT

WELL THAT'S PRETTY ROUGH

AND MY DAD WAS BORN ON THE DAY HIROSHIMA GOT BOMBED

THAT'S PROBABLY A COINCIDENCE REALLY I DON'T THINK

MY FAMILY IS CURSED TO DESTROY THE WORLD!!!!! SCIENCE IS EVIL!! NUKES ARE BAD!!! ANIME LIED TO ME!!!! POR QUUUUUUUUUUUUEEE

*SOBS HYSTERICALLY*

STOP THAT. WHERE'S YOUR STUPID DEATH MOBILE, I'M GOING TO BLOW IT TO KINGDOM COME.

I'LL SHOW YOU

I DON'T THINK SO, LIMPY

IT'S MY DUTY TO DESTROY REX!! I CREATED HIM!!!

LOOK, DR. FRANKENSTEIN, I COULD PROBABLY SNAP YOU IN HALF WITH A GLANCE. GO HIDE SOMEWHERE. I'M GOING TO CALL YOU ON THE CODEC. TRY NOT TO DIE.

I'LL USE MY STEALTH CAMO!

THAT'S NICE.

^_^

...I'M GOING TO HAVE MERYL KEEP AN EYE ON YOU TOO.

SUP SNAKE

I NEED YOU TO BABYSIT A NERD

CAN DO OH GOD NO ASFAHGFSHAJGSAGKAG

WHAT

DID YOU HEAR MUSIC? I HEARD MUSIC. :3

QUIET. YOU SAW HER, WHAT'S SHE LOOK LIKE

SHE HAS A NICE BUTT.

YEAH.

WAIT YOU'RE STRAIGHT?

IT WAS A VERY NICE BUTT, SNAKE.

IT'S NOT AS NICE AS MINE.

KOJIMA: GOD I LOVE BUTTS.

POINT. GO FIND HER IN THE WOMAN'S BATHROOM.

...IT BETTER NOT HAVE AN ELEVATOR IN IT.

WHAT

NEVER MIND. HEY YOU'RE NOT ABOUT TO DIE ARE YOU

NO? ALSO YOU'RE INVADING MY PERSONAL SPACE D:

EVERYONE I'VE SAVED DIES.

YOU'RE BAD LUCK.

YEAH THANKS FOR THAT. BYE DOC.

CALL ME OTACON. :3

...

IT'S SHORT FOR OTAKU CONVENTION.

...

DID YOU KNOW I GOT INTO SCIENCE TO MAKE GIANT ROBOTS LIKE IN ANIME

THAT'S THE MOST PATHETIC THING I'VE EVER HEARD

YEAH YOU'RE RIGHT :( I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON. I REFUSE TO TAKE PART IN MURDER ANYMORE!!!

WHATEVER, OTADORK. I'M OUT OF HERE.

::QUIETLY STALKS::

SUP MERYL

SUP

LET ME HIT ON YOU

I'VE BEEN PROGRAMMED NOT TO LIKE MEN

UH HUH

I WANT TO BE A SOLDIER BECAUSE THEY ARE AMERICA'S HEROES

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS HEROES. >:|

AREN'T YOU AND CAMPBELL HEROES

NO WE'RE JUST MURDERERS GOD I AM SO COLDHEARTED AND BITTER

MY DREAMS :(

YOU HAVE A GREAT BUTT

THE MOMENT: ::DIES::

FIRST IT'S MY EYES, NOW IT'S MY BUTT. WHAT'S NEXT?

ON THE BATTLEFIELD, YOU NEVER THINK ABOUT WHAT'S NEXT. <-- THIS IS A REAL EXCHANGE FROM THE GAME, WORD FOR WORD.

...ARE YOU SERIOUS?

GIMME THOSE STUPID CARD KEYS.

THIS KEY?

WTF WHERE ARE THE OTHERS

IDK

FINE I'LL JUST GO BLOW METAL GEAR UP. AGAIN.

TAKE ME TAKE ME

NO

DO IT

NO

PLEASE

NO

I NEED THIS TO VALIDATE MY LIFE DECISIONS

FINE JUST STOP WHINING

HARGABLARG

???

DO ME SNAKE

???????

DO ME HAAAAAAAAAAAARD

ALL MY FLIRTING HAS GOT ME IN OVER MY HEAD! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO IN THIS SITUATION!

PSYCHO MANTIS: UR GAY

CAMPBELL HALP

DON'T SHOOT MERYL TO DEATH, OVER

PSYCHO MANTIS CONTROLS PEOPLE THROUGH HIS MUSIC

WHAT

OW JESUS

GOD I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE.

LOOK I CAN FLOAT

WHAT

YOU SEE THIS WALL HERE

THE FOURTH ONE

I CAN BLOW IT UP INTO SMITHEREENS

CAN NOT

O RLY

I SEE YOU ENJOY CASTLEVANIA

OMG

I WILL MOVE YOUR CONTROLLER

MY GOD MY PLAYSTATION IS POSSESSED

OW OW STOP SHOOTING ME

MERYL GET OVER HERE

MERYL SERIOUSLY THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO COME WITH ME

@_@

MERYL MERYL AJFSGAGFHSAHGHJAGSHAG *SEIZURING INEFFECTUALLY AT THE CODEC*

NO BULLETS MY ONE WEAKNESS

OH THANK GOD

WHY'D YOU SAVE HER SNAKE

...CAUSE?

IT'S BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER ISN'T IT ISN'T IT BUT YOU'RE A SICK HEARTLESS MURDERER YOU CAN'T LOVE ANYONE

LAY OFF NAOMI JEEZ

SO YEAH GO THROUGH THE DOOR OVER THERE.

UH HUH CAN I HAVE YOUR MASK, I WANT YOUR MASK

GOD I HATE PEOPLE. I HATE PEOPLE SO MUCH. YOU'RE ALL STUPID AND SELFISH. I KILLED MY FATHER AND BURNED DOWN MY VILLAGE.

WHY DOESN'T ANYONE ACTUALLY DIE AFTER I KILL THEM.

I WANT TO KILL EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.

YOU MONSTER.

LET HIM TALK, I AM INTRIGUED BY HIS VIEWPOINT.

MERYL WANTS TO BONE YOU

REALLY

HARDCORE.

WELL.

BUT MAYBE YOU WON'T END UP TOGETHER. IDK. GIVE ME BACK MY MASK YOU MISCREANT. OTHERWISE I CAN HEAR HER THINKING ABOUT PEGGING YOU.

UH

LET ME GET THAT DOOR FOR YOU.

K LET'S GO

SORRY ABOUT BEING CONTROLLED LIKE THAT

I DON'T CARE

WHAT'S YOUR NAME

SHUT UP

HOW OLD ARE YOU

LOOK SHUT UP

DO YOU HAVE ANY FAMILY

I HAVE NO FAMILY!!!!

DO YOU LIKE ANYONE

I'M WALKING OUT THIS DOOR, AND IF YOU'RE NOT COMING WITH ME THEN TOO BAD.

YOU'RE A TERRIBLE PERSON.

MAYBE. WHATEVER.

~*~*END ACT 1*~*~

METAL GEAR SOLID

~*~*ACT 2*~*~

AGH WOLFDOGS

AGH MINEFIELD

HEY A LASER OH GOD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH

MEEEEEEEERYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYLLL

SNIPER WOLF: LOL

LEAVE ME AND RUN

NO

AJSFIAHGHAHGHGAH AOMG OGOMG OMGOMG YOU HAVE TO SAVE MERYL SNAKE AODSJAHGAHGJKG

WOAH OKAY

WHY ARE YOU SAVING PEOPLE SNAKE YOU HORRIBLE EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING WITH A BLACK PIT FOR A HEART

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

OTACON WHERE'S A PSG-1

...IDK ;_;

FINE BE THAT WAY

SAVE MERYL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

LOOK I'M WORKING ON IT

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

WHERE'D MERYL GO? EH.

OW BULLETS MY ONE WEAKNESS

WELL WHATEVER

SNIPER WOLF: SURPRISE! AMBUSH!!

>(

I AM GOING TO KILL YOU PERSONALLY.

YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE, LADY.

OW

HI

WHAT

WE'RE BROTHERS

I HAVE NO FAMILY!!!

YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME, AND NOW I'LL HAVE MY REVENGE!!!

I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU

WE'RE TWINS.

APPARENTLY?

AND BIG BOSS'S SONS.

WHAT SINCE WHEN

WE NEED BIG BOSS'S BODY.

I BURNED HIM ALIVE WITH A RAINBOW FLAMETHROWER, THERE ARE NO REMAINS.

GOT TO GO, THE AMERICANS AREN'T COOPERATING. IT'S LIKE THEY'VE GOT SOMETHING UP THEIR SLEEVE OR SOMETHING. WELL ANYWAY BYE.

SO WE'RE GOING TO RIDE THAT NUKE RIGHT INTO HISTORY.

I SEE SOMEONE'S BEEN WATCHING DR. STRANGELOVE.

MAKE SURE YOU DON'T SCREW UP THIS TIME OCELOT

WHATEVER

I GOTTA GO POP PILLS AND FEED MY FAMILY. MY FAMILY OF WOLFDOGS.

K

TIME TO TORTURE YOU NOW

YEAH I GATHERED THAT.

I STOLE YOUR DISK. AND CAMPBELL IS LYING TO YOU. AND MERYL MIGHT STILL BE ALIVE. WHERE ARE THE OTHER KEYS?

I'M NOT TELLING. |<

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH

OW

CAMPBELL WTF IS WITH THIS METAL GEAR NONSENSE

YOU KNEW?!?

YOU'RE A JERK

YEAH, BUT YOU STILL NEED TO STOP METAL GEAR, OR WORLD CHAOS OR SOMETHING. DO IT.

WHY DON'T THEY JUST GIVE THEM BIG BOSS'S BODY THAT SHOULDN'T EVEN EXIST

CUZ.

WHERE'D THE DARPA CHIEF'S BLOOD GO?

IDK

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF NAOMI

EH

I KILLED MY DAD.

THAT'S HORRIBLE WTF

WELL BIG BOSS SAID HE WAS MY DAD. <-- EXCEPT HE DIDN'T WTF

I HAD A BROTHER BUT HE DIED.

K

YOU GOT ANY FRIENDS

CAMPBELL'S MY FRIEND. :)

:)

WHAT WHY

AND A DUDE NAMED FRANK JAEGER THAT I PUNCHED TO DEATH IN A MINEFIELD

!!!!!!

WE WERE REAL CLOSE. BUT SOMETIMES THINGS GO DOWN AND YOU HAVE TO PUNCH YOUR BEST FRIEND TO DEATH IN A MINEFIELD, YOU KNOW HOW IT GOES.

UH OH.

OTACON GET ME OUT OF HERE

ANYTHING TO HELP OUT!!!! :D

WOW I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY CAPTURED YOU

SNAKE: SHUT UP AND GET ME OUT OF HERE

OTACON: OW WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU WHY ARE YOU CONSTANTLY ROUGHING ME UP OW OW

SNAKE: >( GET ME OUT OF HERE OR I'LL BE AS DEAD AS DARPA CHIEF HERE

OMG DEAD BODY EEEEEE D: D:

GOD YOU'RE A NERD.

HERE I BROUGHT YOU SOME KETCHUP

WHAT

HAVE THIS HANDKERCHIEF TOO. MY GIRLFRIEND SNIPER WOLF GAVE IT TO ME. WE'RE GOING TO GET MARRIED~

...

WELP GOTTA GO

KNOCK OUT THE GUARD AND GET ME OUT OF HERE JESUS

I CAN'T DO THAT!!! :O OMG HE'S COMING BACK BYE

UGH, NERDS.

HELP I'VE RUPTURED MY STOMACH

JOHNNY: !!!

HA HA BYE

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT WORKED

TOLD YOU :3

QUIET |<

SORRY ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTERNIECE CAMPBELL

:.( IT'S OKAY

BESIDES MAYBE SHE'S OKAY

YEAH

DID YOU LOVE HER SNAKE DID YOU DID YOU DID YOU

JESUS WHAT IS YOUR DEAL

GOD THIS TOWER IS EIGHT BILLION FLOORS

OH GOD I'M BEING CHASED WTF HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME AGAIN

THIS IS SO AWESOME.

NOW TO CROSS THIS BRIDGE

LIQUID: LOL NO

>:(

DIE!

HUP DOWN THE BUILDING

WHY CAN'T I JUMP EIGHT FEET TO THE BOTTOM FLOOR WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. WELL WHATEVER BACK UP WE GO.

AAAAA DON'T SHOOT IT'S ME DON'T SHOOT

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE

I'M SCARED OF HEIGHTS.

YEAH THANKS FOR THAT BUT WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE.

I WASN'T STALKING YOU IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE IMPLYING.

DID YOU TAKE THIS ELEVATOR?

YUP

IT'S NOT WORKING.

THAT'S WEIRD. MY GOD, YOU'RE INCREDIBLE, YOU KNOW THAT? YOU'RE THE MOST AWESOME PERSON EVER. *_*

NO I'M NOT. |<

HEY CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING

|<

HAVE YOU EVER LOVED SOMEONE?

...

DO SOLDIERS FALL IN LOVE?

...UH

DO YOU THINK LOVE CAN BLOOM, EVEN ON A BATTLEFIELD? <-- DIRECTLY FROM THE GAME

ARE YOU COMING ON TO ME?

DO YOU?

UH, YEAH. SURE. ALL SORTS OF PEOPLE CAN FALL IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER ANYWHERE AT ANY TIME, WHY NOT. BUT YOU SHOULD PROTECT THEM AND NOT HIT THEM WITH MISSILES. THAT'S WHAT I LEARNED.

YEAH THAT'S A GOOD PHILOSOPHY.

FIX THIS ELEVATOR

K

YOU LOOK REALLY BAD BTW

I'M COMPLETELY TERRIFIED BUT DON'T WORRY I'LL BE FINE

K

LIQUID WHAT IS YOUR DAMAGE

I'LL KILL YOU AND ALL YOUR STUPID GENES, BROTHER

THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE, AND I DON'T HAVE A BROTHER

YOU CAN ROT IN HELL WITH OUR FATHER!!!

NO MISSILES MY ONE WEAKNESS

SEE YOU IN HELL... LIQUID. THAT TAKES CARE OF THE CREMATION. <-- DIRECTLY FROM THE GAME, THANK YOU JOHN MCCLANE. I MEAN, SOLID SNAKE.

HEY THE ELEVATOR'S WORKING FOR NO REASON, IDK WHAT THAT'S ABOUT

AWESOME

WHAT WAS THAT EXPLOSION

I TOOK OUT A HELICOPTER

WOW YOU'RE THE MOST AWESOME PERSON I'VE EVER MET IN MY ENTIRE LIFE SNAKE!!!! *_*

YEAH I KNOW

BY THE WAY FOUR STEALTH CAMO PROTOTYPES ARE MISSING

WHAT WHY DIDN'T YOU GIVE ME ONE OF THOSE BEFORE?

I... FORGOT?

REMIND ME TO PUNCH YOU LATER.

WTF WHY IS THE WEIGHT LIMIT WARNING GOING OFF

??? IT DIDN'T GO OFF FOR ME. BY THE WAY I WEIGH 135 POUNDS.

HA HA HA HA HA SERIOUSLY? JESUS

AMBUSH1!!

AKSIGAHGHAHGUAHGHA THOSE GUYS ARE IN THE ELEVATOR WITH YOU SNAKE JESUS CHRIST THEY'RE IN THE ELEVATOR WITH YOU!!!!

:| OH YEAH FOUR GUYS IN AN ELEVATOR, THAT'S NEW.

NO BULLETS OUR ONE WEAKNESS!

I AM IN A SNOWFIELD

OW JESUS SOMEONE SHOT ME WTF

SNAKE ARE YOU OKAY OMG D:

SOMEONE SHOT ME

IT'S HER! <3 <3

WHAT STOP THAT SHE SHOT ME

YOU BET I DID.

PLZ DON'T KILL HER SNAKE

WHAT

I AM GOING TO KILL YOU SNAKE

SHE'S A GOOD PERSON!!!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.

I CAN SEEEEE YOOOOU

WOLF DON'T

SHUT UP, WHOEVER YOU ARE

;_;

I AM GOING TO KILL YOU FIRST WOLF

I DON'T THINK SO

NOOOOO PLZ DON'T FIGHT YOU GUYS I LOVE YOU BOTH ;____;

CAN'T TALK, BUSY

OW BULLETS MY ONE WEAKNESS

NOOOOOOOOOO

WELL LOOKS LIKE I'M DYING. CAN'T COMPLAIN, REALLY.

THAT'S NICE.

I WAS RAISED ON A BATTLEFIELD AND SUFFERED A HUGE AMOUNT OF TRAUMA AND THEN BIG BOSS SAVED ME.

DID HE REALLY HAVE TIME FOR THINGS LIKE THAT WITH ALL THE POISONOUS HAMSTERS HE HAD TO CORRAL AND THE MANNEQUINS OF GUARDS HE HAD TO ORDER?

SNIPING PEOPLE HAS SOMEHOW COST ME MY HONOR. I AM A DOG.

NAH.

THANKS, I APPRECIATE THAT. YOU REALLY LOOK LIKE BIG BOSS BY THE WAY.

THANKS FOR NOT KILLING MERYL.

THANKS FOR KILLING ME.

OH GOD NOOOOOO I LOVED YOU1!!

DO I KNOW YOU? BRING ME MY GUN, STRANGE NERD WHO JUST APPEARED OVER THERE

RIGHT AWAY SOB SOB

KAY I CAN DIE NOW

GOTCHA

GOODBYE WOLF AND THE EIGHT DOZEN CHILDREN WE WERE GOING TO HAVE TOGETHER ;_____;

WELL THAT'S DONE ANYWAY.

SNAKE YOU SAID LOVE COULD BLOOM ON A BATTLEFIELD, BUT SOMEHOW SHE STILL DIED!! I COULDN'T SAVE HER!!!

...YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT HER? OH.

WELL ANYWAY SHE CAN HAVE HER HANDKERCHIEF BACK. I CAN'T CRY ANYMORE, BECAUSE I'M SO DEAD AND BITTER INSIDE. SO DEAD. SO BITTER.

I CAN CRY FOR THE BOTH OF US!

::DOES SO::

WELL IT'S UP TO US NOW. TRY NOT TO GET YOURSELF KILLED.

I WANNA KEEP HELPING.

GLAD YOU'RE NOT HOLDING THE WHOLE SHOOTING YOUR GIRLFRIEND THING AGAINST ME. BYE.

HEY SNAKE WHAT ARE YOU FIGHTING FOR? WHAT WAS SHE FIGHTING FOR? WHAT AM I FIGHTING FOR?!

IDK

...K :(

HEY SNAKE NAOMI'S A SPY

NO!

VULCAN RAVEN: SUP

HI

RAVENS ARE AWESOME. LET'S FIGHT.

THE RAVEN ON YOUR HEAD JUST LANDED ON MY SHOULDER AND NOW I CAN'T MOVE. OKAY, MAYBE THIS IS GETTING WEIRDER THAN ZANZIBAR LAND.

LET'S FIGHT! IT WILL BE AWESOME.

FIGHTING IS JUST MURDERING!

MAYBE.

OW REMOTE CONTROLLED MISSILES MY ONE WEAKNESS. OR LANDMINES, LANDMINES WORK TOO.

JUST LIKE LIQUID SAID, I'M THE ONE THAT'S NOT NEEDED ANYMORE.

WOW, LIQUID'S KIND OF A DOUCHE.

HERE HAVE A KEYCARD. BY THE WAY THE DARPA CHIEF WAS ACTUALLY DECOY OCTOPUS.

...AND?

DECOY OCTOPUS MIMICS PEOPLE RIGHT DOWN TO THE BLOOD, SO HE DRAINED ALL OF THE DARPA CHIEF'S BLOOD AND PUT IT IN HIMSELF.

...OW, OW MY BRAIN

BRB, GETTING EATEN BY RAVENS

HAUNTED BY THE CORPSES OF THOSE I'VE KILLED FOREVER, PFFT.

SO YEAH NAOMI'S A SPY

NO WAY

YES WAY

ARREST HER IMMEDIATELY!

WTF IS GOING ON

I AM DEFINITELY NOT LYING TO YOU ABOUT EVERYTHING!

I AM GETTING REALLY TIRED OF THIS. >:(

HEY SNAKE KNOCK KNOCK

HAHAHAHAHA LET'S FIRE A NUKE

K

AT CHINA!!! POLITICS AND INTRIGUE WILL GET ME MY BILLION DOLLARS AND BIG BOSS'S BODY!

BUT I BURNED HIM TO ASHES WITH A RAINBOW FLAMETHROWER!

DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING

ANYWAY I ALSO WANT THE FOXDIE VACCINE THAT KILLED BAKER AND DECOY OCTOPUS SO I ADDED THAT. I THINK WE'RE GOING TO STAY HERE FOR A WHILE.

K, IF YOU SAY SO.

I'M GOING TO CALL IT OUTER HEAVEN.

K

>:(

BUT WHAT IF SNAKE OVERRIDES THE MISSILE, RUINING ALL OUR PLANS?

WE'LL JUST HAVE TO HOPE THAT SNAKE DOESN'T INPUT THE CARD KEYS, RUINING ALL OUR PLANS.

GOT IT.

HEY SNAKE THAT KEY IS ACTUALLY THREE KEYS AT ONCE AND YOU CAN ONLY USE IT ONCE, AND IF THINGS ARE INACTIVE IT ACTIVATES THEM AND IF ITS ACTIVE IT DEACTIVATES IT.

THAT'S THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD.

IT CHANGES SHAPE ACCORDING TO TEMPERATURE!

>:(

I WANT A THING THAT CHANGES SHAPE AT DIFFERENT TEMPERATURES. :(

HEY YOU!

WOOPS

DIE!!!

AFTER I GET THIS KEY OKAY

OKAY WHATEVER, PUT IN ONE KEY. BACKTRACKING. >:(

LOL

HEY SNAKE NAOMI DESIGNED A VIRAL WEAPON CALLED FOXDIE THAT TARGETS SPECIFIC PEOPLE BY THEIR DNA PATTERNS

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

I'M PRETTY SURE YOU'RE INFECTING PEOPLE WITH IT.

>:(

WELL WE JUST ARRESTED HER, SO THERE'S THAT.

BACKTRACKING! >:(

HEY SNAKE

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

FRANK JAEGER WAS MY ADOPTED BIG BROTHER AND HE SAVED MY LIFE AFTER MY PARENTS DIED AND RAISED ME AND THEN YOU WENT AND PUNCHED HIM TO DEATH IN A MINE FIELD, AND THAT'S WHY I HATE YOU SO VERY MUCH.

OH.

AND BIG BOSS ALSO SAVED ME AND THEN YOU HAD TO GO KILL HIM TOO. JERK.

SO YOU WANTED TO KILL ME THEN.

SURE DID. ALTHOUGH I DON'T HATE YOU AS MUCH AS I USED TO FOR SOME REASON.

WELL THAT'S GREAT, REALLY. DID YOU PROGRAM FOXDIE TO KILL ME TOO?

IT WASN'T MY DECISION TO USE IT.

THAT'S NOT AN ANSWER.

THE REAL SECRET IS-

YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!!!

YOU TRICKED ME COLONEL!

MAYBE I DID! AND MAYBE METAL GEAR WILL BLOW UP THE WORLD IF YOU DON'T DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, SO CHOP CHOP!

>:(

ALRIGHT WHATEVER. SECOND KEY IN. THIRD KEY IN.

NUKE: I'M ACTIVE!!!

OH MY GOD HOW DID THIS HAPPEN

HAHAHAHAHA YOU'RE KIND OF STUPID AREN'T YOU.

THAT'S NOT MASTER MILLER!

NO, REALLY?!?!

HAHA, I'M ACTUALLY LIQUID! FOOLED YOU!

:O

HA HA HA HA, YOU IDIOT

I'LL KILL YOU

LET ME EXPLAIN MY PLAN FIRST

OKAY

YOU'RE BASICALLY JUST A VECTOR FOR FOXDIE. THE PENTAGON USED NAOMI TO DO IT. BUT THEN SHE CHANGED IT AT THE END, BUT WE DON'T KNOW HOW. HOW MYSTERIOUS. WE MIGHT NOT NEED A VACCINE ANYWAY THOUGH CAUSE I'M STILL ALIVE AND YOU'RE STILL ALIVE AND WE HAVE THE SAME GENES.

WHY WON'T YOU SHUT UP ABOUT THIS GENE THING

WE'RE BIG BOSS'S CHILDREN AND I GOT ALL THE INFERIOR RECESSIVE GENES AND I AM VERY ANGRY ABOUT THIS, SNAKE.

...THAT'S NOT HOW GENES WORK.

I HATE BIG BOSS SO MUCH FOR TELLING ME I WAS INFERIOR MY ENTIRE LIFE, AND THEN YOU WENT AND KILLED HIM BEFORE I COULD! SO NOW I'M GOING TO DO WHAT FATHER COULDN'T AND MAKE OUTER HEAVEN SO I CAN SHOW HIM UP FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE HERE, I SWEAR TO GOD.

NOW I'M GOING TO SQUISH YOU INTO PASTE!!

RARRRRR

OH GOD OTACON WHAT DO I DO

I SPECIFICALLY PROGRAMMED A WEAKNESS INTO IT!

WELL THAT'S NICE AND ALL BUT WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT

I LIKE TO THINK OF IT AS A CHARACTER FLAW. PEOPLE AREN'T COMPLETE WITHOUT A CHARACTER FLAW, DON'T YOU THINK? :3 <-- OTACON YOU'RE SUCH A DORK

>:/

LIQUID: STOMP STOMP

D:

HEY SUP LET ME STOP REX FOR A BIT

FOX!!

GTFO BEFORE YOU DIE

DUDE WHAT IS YOUR DEAL

I KILLED NAOMI'S PARENTS. PLEASE TELL HER THIS FOR ME.

ARE YOU TWO DONE

I'LL STOP IT FROM MOVING!

OH GOD OW

HAHAHAHAHAHA WE HUNT JACKALS INSTEAD OF FOXES! AND WE USE ROYAL HARRIERS INSTEAD OF FOXHOUNDS!

ARE YOU MOCKING HIM, WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO EVEN MEAN

A CORNERED FOX IS MORE DANGEROUS THAN A JACKAL!

I'M MISSING SOMETHING HERE.

I'LL KILL YOU.

I'VE STOPPED HIM, FIRE THE STINGER AT US!

I CAN'T DO IT!

YOU PUNCHED ME TO DEATH IN A MINEFIELD, FIRE THE STINGER!

NO. :(

GDIT SNAKE.

DIIIIIIIE

HEY SNAKE, FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN OKAY

::SQUISH::

FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOX

WHATTA MAROON. YOU CAN'T PROTECT ANYONE SNAKE, YOU SUCK.

NO STINGERS MY ONE WEAKNESS

POW

HEY SNAKE I'M STILL ALIVE

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CLOTHES

METAL GEAR MIGHT HAVE KAPOWED BUT I'M STILL GOING TO PLUNGE THE WORLD INTO ETERNAL WAR, JUST LIKE FATHER WANTED!

I THOUGHT YOU HATED HIM, AND SERIOUSLY WHERE IS MY SHIRT

YOU WANT THAT WORLD TOO SNAKE

NO

YOU LOVE KILLING PEOPLE

LIES

WE'RE FATHER'S CLONES BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO RECREATE THE GREATEST SOLDIER EVER. WE WERE MADE USING THE SUPER BABY METHOD AND WE KILLED OUR OTHER SIX BROTHERS EVEN BEFORE WE WERE BORN! AND THEN THEY GAVE YOU ALL THE DOMINANT GENES AND ME ALL THE RECESSIVE GENES!!

NOTHING YOU ARE SAYING IS COMING EVEN CLOSE TO MAKING SENSE.

THE GULF WAR SYNDROME WAS PEOPLE BEING INJECTED WITH FATHER'S SOLDIER GENES!

MY GOD JUST STOP TALKING

I'M GOING TO BREAK THE CHAINS OF MY GENETIC HERITAGE AND RISE ABOVE THEM! BY KILLING YOU! LET'S HAVE A FISTFIGHT ON TOP OF REX HERE.

NO REALLY WHERE IS MY SHIRT

THERE'S YOUR MERYL OVER THERE. SHE KEPT CALLING YOUR NAME, THE LOSER. YOU DON'T HAVE A NAME.

YES I DO.

NO YOU DON'T WE'RE JUST COPIES OF BIG BOSS AJRUSAHFHAGSAJG

CAMPBELL WTF IS GOING ON

HELP THEY'RE TAKING ME HOSTAGE AND THEY WERE USING MERYL TO MANIPULATE ME AND THEY'RE GOING TO BOMB YOU INTO BITS TO HIDE THE EVIDENCE AAA

SECRETARY OF DEFENSE JIM HOUSEMAN: YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE.

MY GOD IT'S ABRAHAM LINCOLN!

ALL OF YOU, DEAD.

DON'T YOU CARE?!

THE DARPA CHIEF IS DEAD AND MY HEART IS FOREVER BROKEN, SO NO.

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!

GOD.

HWAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

GRRRRRRRRRRRGHHH

*PLUNGES OFF THE EDGE* SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE

~*~*END OF ACT 2~*~*

WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO OUR HEROES NOW?!

STAY IN YOUR SEAT FOR OUR EXCITING CONCLUSION!

METAL GEAR SOLID

~*~*GRAND FINALE*~*~

THE OTACON ENDING!

THERE. HEY MERYL YOU OKAY

X_X

MEEEEEEEEEEERYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYLL NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I'M A LOOOOOOOOSEEEEEEEEEER

JESUS GET OVER IT

LEAVE ME ALOOOOOOOOOOONE

COME ON, YOU'LL BE TOGETHER WITH HER IN HEAVEN, JUST LIKE ME AND WOLF.

UH

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE AND LIVE. AND STUFF.

YOU'VE CHANGED.

I'M THROUGH REGRETTING THE PAST. <-- HINT: HE'S NOT.

THEY CAN'T DESTROY THE HUMAN SPIRIT!!

UH HUH.

YOU SHOULD PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON BY THE WAY.

K?

NOW YOU LOOK LIKE YOURSELF AGAIN! :D

...K

DON'T WORRY SNAKE, I RELEASED ALL THE LOCKS! WE'LL BE FINE!

HELLO THERE, SURVEILLANCE CAMERA! :D

>:(

!!

WAIT THE KEYS AREN'T IN THIS JEEP, DARN

COULD YOU POSSIBLY HURRY THIS UP A BIT

HERE WE GO, JUMP IN SNAKE! VROOM!

I'M SOMEHOW NOT DEAD! DIE!

SNAKE: YOU'RE KIDDING ME

OTACON: EEK! HE'S HITTING THE JEEP! AAA! AAAAAAAA!

CRASH

SNAKE: ARE YOU OKAY

OTACON: OW OW OW I'M TRAPPED ;_;

SNAKE: OH THIS IS GREAT

I'LL KILL YOU I SWEAR TO GOD

SNAKE: HOW DO YOU KEEP DOING THAT

OTACON: OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD D:

SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE

ARRGAHSDHG FOX?

DIE.

K

SNAKE: SO I SHOULD DIE TOO NOW RIGHT.

OTACON: DON'T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT! ;_;

HEY SO EVERYTHING'S OKAY, NO BOMBERS WERE SENT OR ANYTHING, ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S UNDER ARREST

OH, OKAY THEN.

MERYL WAS ACTUALLY MY DAUGHTER.

A BIT LATE FOR THAT NOW.

WELL WE GOT YOU A SNOWMOBILE, GET OUTTA THERE

CAN DO, BEST BUDDY OF MINE

:)

:)

SO HEY AM I GOING TO DIE OF FOXDIE OR WHAT

IDK

YES YOU DO K, TELL ME. BY THE WAY, YOUR BROTHER SAYS

WHAT?

HE SAYS TO FORGET ABOUT HIM AND MOVE ON. YEAH.

;_;

SO WHEN AM I GOING TO DIE?

IT'S UP TO YOU.

...NO IT ISN'T, WHEN AM I GOING TO DIE?

IT'S UP TO YOU TO LIVE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE THE WAY YOU SEE FIT.

ANSWER THE QUESTION, JESUS!!

FINE BE THAT WAY I'M JUST GOING TO THE SNOWMOBILE NOW.

SO I THOUGHT GENES CONTROL PEOPLE'S LIVES, BUT THEY DON'T. PEOPLE DO. ALSO NUKES ARE BAD.

::FALLS DOWN A HILL, MAKING IT NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE TO LISTEN TO WHAT NAOMI IS SAYING::

:|

SNAKE: I'M GOING TO START LIVING LIFE FOR REAL NOW. WHAT ABOUT YOU?

OTACON: I GOT INTO SCIENCE BECAUSE I WAS SCARED OF PEOPLE, SINCE THEY DIDN'T MAKE SENSE.

SNAKE: HOW DID YOU EVEN LIVE THIS LONG

OTACON: BUT I'VE FINALLY LEARNED HOW TO LIKE PEOPLE. :3 SO I'M NOT AFRAID ANYMORE.

SNAKE: YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT ME AREN'T YOU.

OTACON: HERE, YOU CAN HAVE MY STEALTH CAMO, I'M NOT GOING TO HIDE ANYMORE.

SNAKE: YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT ME, AREN'T YOU.

OTACON: TIME TO SAY GOODBYE TO OUR LOVES! WHERE WE GOING, SNAKE?

SNAKE: MY NAME IS DAVID.

OTACON: I'M HAL, DAVE.

SNAKE: HAHA THAT'S RIGHT, MAYBE WE SHOULD TAKE A TRIP TO JUPITER. AND HOPEFULLY YOU WON'T MAKE ME KILL YOU.

OTACON: HAHA BUT NO REALLY WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

SNAKE: GOING TO FIND A NEW PATH IN LIFE.

OTACON: CAN I COME? FOREVER?

SNAKE: SURE, WHY NOT.

THE MERYL ENDING!

THERE. HEY MERYL YOU OKAY

ACTUALLY YES. BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND IT GAVE ME STRENGTH.

MERYL-

HEY SNAKE HEY HEY HEY

WHAT

I UNLOCKED ALL THE DOORS SO YOU CAN ESCAPE! I'M JUST GOING TO STAY HERE.

YOU'LL GET BLOWN TO BITS.

I'M THROUGH REGRETTING THE PAST! I'VE FOUND A REASON TO LIVE!

THEN WHY ARE YOU STAYING IN THE BASE GET OUT

SO DON'T DIE SNAKE PLZ

GTFO OF THE BASE

I GOT YOUR ESCAPE ALL SET UP, DON'T WORRY

THANKS.

"THANKS" *_* THAT FEELS NICE.

UH, OKAY. GOTTA GO

WHAT'S OTACON DOING

HONESTLY I DON'T EVEN KNOW. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

VROOM!

DIE!

CRASH AGAIN!

SNAKE: ARE YOU OKAY?

MERYL: OW I'M TRAPPED

I'LL KILL YOU I SWEAR TO GOD

HOW DO YOU KEEP DOING THAT

SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE ARRGAHSDHG FOX?

DIE.

K

SNAKE: SO I SHOULD DIE TOO NOW RIGHT.

MERYL: DON'T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT! :(

HEY SO EVERYTHING'S OKAY, NO BOMBERS OR ANYTHING

OH, OKAY THEN.

THANKS FOR SAVING MERYL. :) WE GOT YOU A SNOWMOBILE, GET OUTTA THERE

CAN DO

ALSO SEND SOMEONE IN THERE TO GET OTACON, HE PROBABLY HAS NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON

OKAY :)

:)

SO HEY AM I GOING TO DIE OF FOXDIE OR WHAT

[THIS CONVERSATION PLAYS OUT PRETTY MUCH THE SAME AS ABOVE]

SO I THOUGHT GENES CONTROL PEOPLE'S LIVES, BUT THEY DON'T. PEOPLE DO. ALSO NUKES ARE BAD.

MERYL: HERE, HAVE A BANDANA.

SNAKE: K

SNAKE: I'M GOING TO START LIVING. LIVING FOR SOMEONE ELSE. LIKE YOU.

MERYL: AWW. SO WHERE WE GOING SNAKE?

SNAKE: MY NAME IS DAVID.

MERYL: SO WHERE WE GOING, DAVE?

SNAKE: ...THAT'S NOT A LAME MOVIE REFERENCE. :(

SNAKE: LOOK AT THOSE CARIBOU

MERYL: YEAH

SNAKE: THEY'RE A SYMBOL OF LIFE. LIKE THE LIFE WE'RE GOING TO SPEND TOGETHER. ALASKA LOOKS BEAUTIFUL, BUT NOT AS BEAUTIFUL AS YOU.

MERYL: :) WE'RE GOING TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER AND EVER!

CREDITS: LOL

SO YEAH WE PLAYED EVERYBODY FOR A BUNCH OF SAPS AND EVERYTHING WENT ACCORDING TO PLAN, MR. PRESIDENT. AND LIQUID WAS ACTUALLY THE SUPERIOR CLONE. THE IRONY.

PRESIDENT GEORGE SEARS/SOLIDUS SNAKE: AWESOME. SAY I'M THE BEST AGAIN.

SIGH

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US! PLEASE STAY TUNED FOR OUR NEXT PRODUCTION, METAL GEAR SOLID 2: SONS OF LIBERTY!!

INDEX