METAL GEAR 2: THE EXTREMELY SHORT VERSION



CURRENT ZAR NOTE: OPENED ON LJ IN 2008.




THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT SINCE OUR ORIGINAL PRODUCTION, METAL GEAR: THE EXTREMELY SHORT VERSION! WE ARE VERY PROUD TO PRESENT OUR NEXT PRODUCTION, METAL GEAR 2: SOLID SNAKE.

SINCE THE ORIGINAL METAL GEAR 2'S TEXT WAS ALL IN CAPS TO BEGIN WITH AS WELL, IT SEEMS APPROPRIATE TO PRESENT METAL GEAR 2: THE EXTREMELY SHORT VERSION IN ALL-CAPS-O-VISION, OUR THEATER'S SPECIALTY.

WE WOULD ALSO LIKE TO RECOMMEND YOU CHECK OUT OUR SPRITE RETAILER, SLOW BEEF'S STRATEGY GUIDE, FOR YOUR METAL GEAR 2 RELATED NEEDS. WHILE THE ART FOR METAL GEAR 2 WAS REDONE WHEN IT WAS RELEASED WITH MGS3: SUBSISTENCE, WE'VE DECIDED TO USE THE OLD ORIGINAL ART FOR AUTHENTICITY.




UNKNOWN NARRATOR: THE COLD WAR IS OVER, BUT FOR SOME REASON PEOPLE ARE STILL FIGHTING! AND ZANZIBAR LAND IS BEING A PRICK.

ZANZIBAR LAND: LOL

UNKNOWN NARRATOR: AND SOMEHOW THEY GOT ALL THE NUKES AND ARE NOW THE WORLD'S ONLY SUPER POWER? WHAT?

ZANZIBAR LAND: LOL

UNKNOWN NARRATOR: AND WE'RE OUT OF OIL!!!!

HEY EVERYBODY I'M KIO MARV MADE SOMETHING CALLED OILIX THAT MAKES OIL HEY EVERYBODY ARE YOU LISTENING OUR PROBLEMS ARE SOLVED!!

ZANZIBAR LAND: CMERE YOU

OH GOD HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED HELP

HACHACHA

COL. CAMPBELL: OKAY WE GOT TO FIX THIS MESS. BEGIN OPERATION INTRUDE F014.

SOLID SNAKE: WHAT

SNEAK IN THERE AND FIND DR. MARV CHOP CHOP

CAN DO

I'M SNEAKIN

SUP I'M HOLLY I'M A JOURNALIST CALL ME KAY BYE

WHAT WHO ARE YOU HOW'D YOU GET MY NUMBER

MAYBE I SHOULD CALL HER.

THIS IS SOLID SNAKE. YOUR REPLY PLEASE... <-- DIRECT FROM GAME

LOOK I'M BUSY LEAVE ME ALONE

FINE WHATEVER. ELEVATOR.

POISON GAS D:

SUP

MY MISSION IS OVER!

KIO MARV?: HAHA JUST KIDDING I'M ACTUALLY BLACK COLOR FROM NASA

...YOU'RE AN ASTRONAUT?

BLACK COLOR: HAVE AT YOU!!!!

CAMPBELL HELP

UH CALL SOMEONE ELSE. KESSLER. YEAH, CALL HIM.

KESSLER: BLACK COLOR IS A HIGH-TECH NASA NINJA

WHAT

HE'S AN AMATEUR WHICH MAKES HIM MORE DIFFICULT. GOOD LUCK. BYE.

A NASA NINJA WHAT

NO BULLETS MY ONE WEAKNESS!! BY THE WAY I'M SCHNEIDER.

WHAT

FROM THE FIRST GAME REMEMBER

SINCE WHEN WERE YOU A NINJA ASTRONAUT? AND WHY'D YOU LET ME RIDDLE YOU WITH BULLETS?

YOUR COUNTRY WANTS ME DEAD

WHAT WHY

NATO'S A BUNCH OF PRICKS THAT'S WHY AND THEY BOMBED OUTER HEAVEN AND KILLED EVERYONE

NO THEY DIDN'T

THEY DID IT TO HIDE THE WAR ORPHANS

THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE

IT'S ALL TRUFAX, NO LIE

NEVER... ...MAYBE. <--- DIRECT FROM THE GAME.

BUT THEN "HE" CAME AND SAVED EVERYONE

WHO???

IT'S A SECRET!!! BUT ANYWAY THANKS FOR SHOOTING ME A BUNCH OF TIMES, KIO MARV IS BEING GUARDED BY A GUY WITH A GREEN BERET, GO STALK HIM FOR A WHILE.

*POW*

WHAT

ARGH SEWER LEVELS WHY ARE THERE MINES HERE

GREEN BERET: I'M GOING TO TAKE A LONG STROLL THROUGH MY FAVORITE JUNGLE MAZE

>(

HERE I AM IN THIS EMPTY ROOM AND THERE IS TAPPING CAMPBELL HELP

UH CALL SOMEONE ELSE. CALL MCDONNEL MILLER. YEAH THAT'S IT.

YOU NEVER HELP ME DO ANYTHING!!!

MASTER MILLER: DON'T IMAGINE A GAME OVER! CONVINCE YOURSELF YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!

SO YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN USELESS THEN.

MANUAL: HOPE YOU STILL HAVE ME SO YOU CAN LOOK UP THE TAPCODE AND FIND OUT THE NEW FREQUENCY LOL

DR. PETROVICH: SUP REMEMBER ME FROM THE FIRST GAME

WHAT

ME AND MARV WERE FRIENDS. HE GOT MOVED SOMEWHERE ELSE.

WHAT IS WITH SCIENTISTS AND CONSTANTLY MOVING?

BY THE WAY, THERE'S ANOTHER METAL GEAR HERE.

:O

METAL GEAR STOLE ALL THE NUKES.

WAIT WHAT

WHO DO YOU THINK IS DOING THIS??!?

...BIG BOSS? THIS DOES SEEM LIKE HIS LEVEL OF CRAZY.

GO SAVE MARV, HE'S GOT A TRANSMITTER ON HIM SOME CHICK GAVE HIM.

K

BY THE WAY MY DAUGHTER ELLEN STILL LOVES YOU SINCE YOU RESCUED HER IN THE LAST GAME.

...K

YOU SHOULD CALL THIS GUY YOZEF, HE LIKES ANIMALS

...K

YOZEF: WHY DO YOU GUYS USE ANIMAL CODENAMES, IT'S DUMB. :)

HEY A DESERT

MYSTERY FAN: A MINEFIELD, ACTUALLY

WHO ARE YOU

JUST A FAN

...DEJA VU?

HEY YOU'RE WALKING ON NARIKO SAND IMPORTED FROM JAPAN. IT SQUEAKS.

WHAT

SWAMP: SUP

NO SERIOUSLY SQUEAKY SAND WHAT

INVISIBLE SWAMP MAZE OF DEATH D:

RUNNING MAN: HI I'M A BOSS! I RUN FAST! AND THAT'S ALL I DO. HAVE SOME NERVE GAS.

RUNNING MAN WAS IN THE OLYMPICS BUT GOT KICKED OUT FOR DOPING. THEN HE BECAME A TERRORIST.

WHAT

SET SOME MINES

NO MY ONE WEAKNESS

*POW*

HIND D: SUP

D:

A HIND D... WELL, YOU'RE #$%#ED. UNLESS YOU GOT SOME MISSILES. YOU DID GET SOME MISSILES RIGHT

UH

CAUSE OTHERWISE YOU'LL HAVE TO BACKTRACK A GOOD CHUNK OF THE GAME AND GET THEM

KOJIMA: LOL

BLARGH STINGER MISSILES MY ONE WEAKNESS

A LOCKED DOOR!!

USE YOUR BOX SNAKE

:D

HELP I'VE BEEN CAPTURED

WHERE ARE YOU

I CAN HEAR WEIRD STUFF ALL AROUND ME.

I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE WITH MY SOUND MAP!!!

LOL

CHILDREN: *WANDERING AROUND THE BASE* OUR ONE-EYED UNCLE IS LIKE A FATHER TO US!

UH

TIME TO BOMB THIS WALL! ...DEJA VU?

GOD I LOVE CEMENTING PEOPLE IN ROOMS. THROUGH MY GAMES I WILL LIVE OUT MY DREAMS.

THX

:D YOU'RE HOT

MARV RELEASED A PIGEON, GO FIND IT

GDIT.

BTW YOU ARE STILL REALLY HOT

OH YOU. BYE.

RED BLASTER: I'M RED BLASTER. I'LL COOK YOU SLOWLY WITH MY GRENADES! <-- DIRECT LINE FROM THE GAME

BUT YOU'RE GREEN. :O

AN EXPLOSION MANIC IN RED...

HE'S GREEN!!!

ARGH GRENADES MY ONE WEAKNESS *POW*

PIGEON: COO

NOW WHAT

DO YOU WANT TO KNOW ALL ABOUT PIGEONS? I CAN TELL YOU ALL ABOUT PIGEONS.

MMM, PIGEON TRIVIA.

LURE IT WITH PEAS OR POTATOES. BUT I GUESS THERE IS NO MCDONALD'S IN BATTLEFIELDS! <-- DIRECT LINE FROM THE GAME

LOL PRODUCT PLACEMENT

YUM

YOINK. TIME TO CALL DR. MARV.

KIO MARV: BORK BORK BORK

I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU!!!!

MARV'S SHY. :3 AND HE ONLY SPEAKS CZECH.

NO!!!!

BUT NATASHA CAN TALK TO HIM!

WHO

THE LADY WHO GAVE ME THAT TRANSMITTER. SHE'S DISGUISED IN AN ENEMY UNIFORM.

...THAT SOUNDS STRANGELY FAMILIAR.

FIND HER IN THE WOMAN'S BATHROOM.

...HMM.

ARGH BACKTRACKING

BACKTRACKING!! >O

LOL

RANDOM CHILD: I REALLY REALLY HATE MEN WITH GUNS!

YOU ARE IN THE WRONG PLACE.

...WHY IS THERE A ROOM HERE FILLED WITH MANNEQUINS DRESSED EXACTLY LIKE GUARDS?

BIG BOSS: WOOP WOOP WOOP x_@

HEY A BUCKET

NATASHA: DUM DE DUM

FOUND YOU

*ROLLS EYES*

DON'T I KNOW YOU FROM SOMEWHERE

NO

I DO, YOU'RE THAT GOLD MEDAL OLYMPIC SKATER!

...UH HUH.

I LOVE ICE SKATING. :D

GIVE ME THAT RADIO

BORK BORK BORK

BORK BORK

HE'S IN A BUILDING NORTH OF HERE. LET'S GO.

THERE'S AN ELEVATOR IN THE BATHROOM???

DR. PETROVICH: HEY SUP

LET'S GO IN SINGLE FILE! <-- DIRECT FROM GAME

BRB, POOPIN

LOLOL

THIS IS PRETTY WEIRD ISN'T IT

IT'S FATE!!!

MY MOTHER WAS REALLY SCREWED UP BY WORLD WAR 2.

UH HUH. WHY'D YOU STOP BEING AN ICE SKATER??!?

THE ICE GOT...COLD.

WHAT

HEY ARE YOU MARRIED

I HAVE NO FAMILY.

ME NEITHER, BUT I DO LOVE SOMEONE. SOMEONE NAMED FRANK JAEGER.

YOU DON'T SAY.

BUT THE US WOULDN'T ACCEPT ME FOR SOME UNEXPLAINED REASON AND I NEVER SAW HIM AGAIN.

UH HUH.

KAY I'M DONE.

LET'S MOVE!

HEY A BRIDGE. THAT ONLY ONE PERSON CAN CROSS AT A TIME.

ME FIRST ME ME ME ME ME

ME NEXT

MISSILE: HEY SUP NATASHA

BLARG

NATAAAAAAAAAAASHAAAAAAAAAAA

:(

NOOOOOOO

HERE, HAVE A KEYCARD AND A BROOCH.

SUP

GREY FOX: HEY SNAKE, HOW'S IT GOIN.

FOX?

YOU CAN'T CROSS THIS BRIDGE. I'M TAKIN THE SCIENTIST. BUT SINCE WE WERE FRIENDS I'LL LET YOU GO.

FOX!!!!

YOU CAN HANG-GLIDE FROM A BIG BALCONY UP THERE TO CROSS THE BRIDGE.

WELL LET'S DO THAT THEN.

MORE BACKTRACKING JESUS

LOL

CHILD: HEY DID YOU KNOW A WOMAN HAS A BROOCH THAT CHANGES SHAPE?

...

I'M IN A SAUNA AND MY KEY HAS CHANGED SHAPE.

GOD I LOVE THIS IDEA!!

IN AN ELEVATOR

SNAKE!!

FOX!!

SNAKE!!

FOX!!

SNAKE!!

FOX!!

WAY TO NOT LEAVE WHEN I TOLD YOU TO. WE'RE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE. :( GO DIE IN THIS ELEVATOR.

I'LL GET YOU!!

WE'RE ULTRABOX, A FOUR MAN CLOSE-QUARTERS ASSASINATION TEAM! AND NOT ULTRAVOX, AN 80S SYNTH BAND. WE'RE COMMANDED BY THE PRESIDENT! WE'RE GOING TO COOK YOU.

BUT YOU HAVE GUNS.

ULTRAVOX I MEAN BOX. FIGHT THEM ONE BY ONE. BYE.

NO BULLETS OUR ONE WEAKNESS

MAN I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO GO UP A BILLION FLIGHTS OF STAIRS

HEY COME BACK HERE

AAAAGH

GOD I LOVE HAVING PEOPLE RUN UP FLIGHTS OF STAIRS. I NEED TO DO THIS IN THE FUTURE.

FINALLY, THE BALCONY.

YOU CAN ONLY JUMP WHEN THE WIND IS BLOWING NORTH. USE YOUR GAS GRENADES.

WHEEEEE

CORNFIELDS?

PREDATOR: I'M A BOSS!!

PREDATOR ENJOYS CAMOFLAUGE... WELL GOOD LUCK.

THANKS FOR NOTHING!

NO GRENADES MY ONE WEAKNESS!

HEY AN EGG

HEY ANOTHER EGG

BZZT

THERE'S A SNAKE IN MY INVENTORY!!! IT ATE MY RATIONS!! SO THAT'S WHAT WAS IN THOSE EGGS. I ALSO HAVE AN OWL NOW.

OWL: HOOT HOOT

EVENING! *TURNS OFF FENCE, LEAVES*

...BUT IT'S DAY.

LOL

HEY IT'S ME YOUR FAN.

WAIT WHAT

LOOK OUT FOR NIGHT SIGHT.

THANKS FOR BEING MY FAN, CAMPBELL. :)

:)

NIGHT SIGHT HAS SOME AWESOME CAMOFLAUGE. MAYBE YOU'RE JUST GOING TO DIE. BYE.

WELL THANKS A LOT FOR THAT.

NIGHT SIGHT: NO BULLETS MY ONE WEAKNESS! *POW*

I'M CHANGING MY FREQUENCY. USE TAP CODE TO FIGURE IT OUT. BYE.

:(

HEY THERE'S ACID POOLS AROUND NOW. ISN'T THAT SOMETHING. USE CHOCOLATE TO NEUTRALIZE THEM.

WHAT

ARGH BACKTRACKING

FINALLY, DR. MARV!

BLARG.

HE WAS DEAD WHEN I GOT HERE.

UH HUH.

BUT HE PUT THE OILIX PLANS IN AN MSX CARTRIDGE. SOME FREAKS STILL PLAY AN MSX, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

HAHAHAHA YOU'RE ALL LOSERS HAHAHAHAHA

IT'S IN THAT LOCKER.

...SO WHERE'S THE KEY?

IDK

HEY I LOOKED UP SOME STUFF ON PETROVICH AND APPARENTLY HE WASN'T HAPPY ABOUT BEING RESCUED FROM OUTER HEAVEN BECAUSE HE WAS CRAZY AND BUILT WALKING TANKS AND APPARENTLY NO ONE WAS INTO THAT. EXCEPT ZANZIBAR LAND, THE CRAZIEST PLACE ON EARTH. HE'S A TRAITOR!!

SO WHY WAS HE CEMENTED IN A CELL EARLIER?

...A TRAITOR, SNAKE!!

I CAN HEAR YOU BUT I DON'T CARE. I AM SO ANGRY! I WANT TO MAKE METAL GEARS BUT NO ONE WOULD LET ME! EXCEPT ZANZIBAR LAND.

YOU KILLED DR. MARV!!! :O

FOXHOUND WAS LOOKING FOR SHARP PEOPLE, WEREN'T THEY.

DIDN'T YOUR DAUGHTER SAY YOU WERE BLACKMAILED TO MAKE METAL GEAR IN THE LAST GAME?

...NOW TO STRANGLE YOU TO DEATH!!!

AJSFHAGH

NO MISSILES MY ONE WEAKNESS

I HAVE TO GO ALL THE WAY TO THE BEGINNING OF THE GAME TO CHANGE THIS STUPID KEY???

LOLOLOL

OKAY I'M BACK AND... THE LOCKER'S EMPTY?

LOOOOOOLOLOL

NO WAIT THERE'S A HOLE HERE. AGH THERE ARE RATS EVERYWHERE!

I THINK THEY ARE DEADLY POISONOUS ZANZIBAR HAMSTERS... <- DIRECT FROM THE GAME.

DEADLY POISONOUS ZANZIBAR HAMSTERS

USE CHEESE TO LURE THEM OUT. GOTTA GO MY PIZZA'S HERE. <-- HE REALLY SAYS THIS

...

I'VE FINALLY GOT THIS STUPID CARTRIDGE.

HAHA I'M NOT DEAD. YET.

HOW DO YOU DESTROY METAL GEAR?

BUT I WANT TO BABBLE INCOHERENTLY ABOUT MY DAUGHTER.

SHUT UP HOW DO YOU DESTROY METAL GEAR!!!

GRENADES.

THANK GOD ITS NOT LANDMINES AGAIN.

TRAPDOOR: HEY!

:O

YOU CAN'T DESTROY METAL GEAR, SNAKE! HA HA HA!

I HAVE A PENIS

NO GRENADES MY ONE WEAKNESS

OH JESUS CHRIST I'M ON FIRE!!!

HA HA I HAVE THE CARTRIDGE BURN AND DIE

SNAKE YOU'RE ON FIRE!!!

NO REALLY???

DROP YOUR ITEMS ONE BY ONE!!!

K THAT'S DONE ANYWAY.

LET'S SETTLE THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL!!! LET'S HAVE A FISTFIGHT.

K

YOU WERE ALWAYS MY BIG RIVAL IN FOXHOUND! NOW I'LL SHOW YOU!

FOX! I'LL KICK YOUR TWISTED MIND RIGHT OUT OF YOU! <-- DIRECT FROM THE GAME

HEY GREY FOX'S NAME IS FRANK JAEGER BY THE WAY. HE'S PRETTY AWESOME.

DUDE I KNOW, HE TAUGHT ME. HE IS VERY AWESOME. WE LOVED HIM V MUCH.

YOU KNOW HOW HE HAD A RELATIONSHIP WITH A CHICK FROM THE EAST AND SHE COULDN'T CROSS THE BORDER FOR SOME REASON? IT MADE HIM SO VERY ANGRY. HER NAME WAS NATASHA.

... DIDN'T HE HIT NATASHA WITH A MISSILE JUST A WHILE BACK?

...BYE!

RARGH!

D: WHY IS THIS ROOM LINED WITH LANDMINES?

OW. MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE THE FOX TITLE NOW.

Y U DO THIS???

BIG BOSS SAVED MY LIFE TWICE!

SO YOU OWE HIM THEN.

WELL NO I JUST HATE WAR. BUT I NEED WAR. WAR WAR WAR. WE'RE WARMEN, WE NEED WAR. ALL OF US. SO THAT'S WHAT BIG BOSS DOES. MAKES PLACES TO HAVE WAR.

WELL NOT REALLY, WHAT WITH ZANZIBAR LAND HAVING ALL THE NUKES IN THE WORLD.

WELP TIME TO DIE. ON A BATTLEFIELD! MAN YOU CAN'T MAKE NO ONE HAPPY, ESPECIALLY WOMEN.

WELL IT'D HELP IF YOU DIDN'T HIT THEM WITH MISSILES.

WELP TIME TO DIE.

I'LL NEVER BE LIKE YOU.

THANKS FOR THAT, MAN. THAT'S AWESOME. ALSO I WAS YOUR MYSTERY FAN.

WHAT IT HAD CAMPBELL'S PICTURE FOR THEM.

PROGRAMMER OVERSIGHT. I MEAN, YOU MUST HAVE BEEN IMAGINING THINGS.

WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME TO LEAVE THEN GIVE ME HINTS ON HOW TO HANG-GLIDE?

WELP TIME TO DIE. BYE.

WHY DID YOU KILL NATASHA.

THANKS FOR BEATING ME TO DEATH SNAKE.

NO PROBLEM.

GOT THE CARTRIDGE!

VOICE: HEY COME HERE.

K

OMG BIG BOSS!!!

BIG BOSS: HI. I KNEW YOU'D BE BACK.

I CAME HERE TO GET RID OF THE NIGHTMARES THAT HAVE HAUNTED ME FOR YEARS. <-- THANKS FOR NOT MENTIONING THAT AT ALL UNTIL NOW SNAKE

YOU'RE A WARRIOR, WAR GETS YOU OFF. AND WILL ALWAYS GET YOU OFF! WITHOUT WAR WE'RE MEANINGLESS! WAR WAR WAR WAR! I'LL MAKE ETERNAL WAR!

DON'T CARE, JUST CAME HERE TO STOP YOU.

EVEN IF YOU KILL ME IT WON'T END.

LIES! I... LOVE LIFE!

TIME TO KILL YOU.

I DON'T HAVE ANY WEAPONS.

TO WHICH I REPLY, HAW HAW.

#$^#!

I HAVE TO GET SIX DIFFERENT CARDS TO UNLOCK THIS DOOR, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

HEY A LIGHTER.

HEY, HAIRSPRAY.

WHEEEEE MAGIC RAINBOW FLAMETHROWER!

OH JESUS I'M ON FIRE OH GOD AAAGH AAAAAAAAGH

:D

NOT YET... <-- HEY WAIT A MINUTE, BIG BOSS DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT BEING SNAKE'S DAD, WHAT.

*COLLAPSES IN A PILE OF ASHES*

WELL THAT'S DONE ANYWAY.

SUP, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

HEY CHARLIE, COME PICK US UP.

CHARLIE: K

CREDITS: LOL

HEY MY LAST NAME IS MADNAR, DID YOU KNOW THAT?

SO HEY, GOING TO JOIN FOXHOUND AGAIN?

NAH.

WELL WHATEVER. HEY LET'S CHECK OUT THIS CARTRIDGE.

SO KIO MARV'S NAME BACKWARDS WAS VRAM 01K. WHAT A TWIST.

THE WORLD IS SAFE!

WHERE'D SNAKE GO? :(

I FEAR INTIMACY. OFF TO ALASKA!

CREDITS: LOL HI AGAIN

THANKS A MILLION FOR JOINING US. PLEASE SUPPORT OUR TROUPE'S NEXT PRODUCTION, METAL GEAR SOLID. ON THAT NOTE, WHEN OUR NEXT SHOW IS COMPLETE, WOULD YOU PREFER IT TO BE IN CAPS LIKE OUR PREVIOUS SHOWS? YOUR ENJOYMENT IS OUR TOP CONCERN! PLEASE LET US KNOW.

ALSO, METAL GEAR SOLID WILL REQUIRE MORE ELABORATE SETS AND COSTUMES (READ: CUSTOM SPRITES) SO PLEASE BE PATIENT!

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