METAL GEAR: THE EXTREMELY SHORT VERSION



CURRENT ZAR NOTE: OPENED ON LJ IN 2006.




SINCE THE ORIGINAL METAL GEAR'S TEXT WAS ALL IN CAPS TO BEGIN WITH, IT SEEMS APPROPRIATE TO PRESENT METAL GEAR: THE EXTREMELY SHORT VERSION IN ALL-CAPS-O-VISION

ADDENDUM: BIG BOSS AND PETTROVICH ARE SICK, SO THEIR SPRITES WILL BE PLAYED BY THEIR SPRITES FROM MG2. THANK YOU.

WE'RE SENDING A SEARCH PARTY FOR THE DUFRANES OTHER MISSING SPRITES




BIG BOSS HERE. I AM THE CO OF OPERATION INTRUDE N313. MY STRANGE NAME IS PERFECTLY AT HOME IN A GAME WITH SUCH GEMS AS "UH - OH! THE TRUCK HAVE STARTED TO MOVE!" AND "I FEEL ASLEEP!". DO NOT QUESTION ME.

GREY FOX, YOU ARE OUR BEST SOLDIER. GO INFILTRATE THAT TERRORIST FORTRESS OUTER HEAVEN AND BLOW UP METAL GEAR.

OKAY.

::GETS CAPTURED::

#$^@. SOLID SNAKE, YOU'RE OUR BIGGEST NEWBIE. GO IN THERE AND BLOW UP METAL GEAR, AND ALSO SAVE GREY FOX IF YOU COULD KTHX.

DUUUUH.

DON'T MIND ME, I'M JUST GOING TO PESTER YOU CONSTANTLY. WATCH OUT FOR SECURITY CAMERAS! DON'T EAT THOSE! CALL THE RESISTANCE!

P.O.W.S: ::ARE MANY:: DON'T SHOOT US OR YOU CAN'T FINISH THE GAME LOL

DUUURRR

I PICKED UP REMOTE CONTROLLED MISSILES

AWESOME, USE THOSE TO BLOW UP THAT HIGH VOLTAGE THING OVER THERE SO YOU CAN DE-ELECTROCUTE THE FLOOR

I AM GETTING THE STRANGEST SENSE OF DEJA VU

THANKS FOR RESCUING ME LOL YOU SHOULD CALL DIANE

BDEEP BDEEP

DIANE: HI IF YOU GET STUNG BY SCORPIONS USE AN ANTIDOTE BYE BYE!

DID YOU JUST SAY BYE BYE TO ME?

DIANE: DON'T FALL INTO ANY PIT TRAPS! BYE BYE!

::IN BOX ROOM:: BOX?

BIG BOSS: CARDBOARD? WHAT'S GOING ON? ARE YOU PLANNING TO MOVE OR SOMETHING? <--LINE DIRECTLY FROM THE GAME

I'M GETTING SLEEPY!! <-- DIRECT FROM GAME.

THANK YOU FOR KEEPING ME INFORMED GOOD SIR

ARGH LASERS

THAT FOXHOUNDER IS IN A SECRET CELL WELL GOTTA GO

FOXHOUNDER?

BEST WAY TO GET IN TO THE CELLS IS TO GET CAUGHT ON PURPOSE, ALTHOUGH IN THE GAME SO FAR GETTING CAUGHT GETS YOU SHOT AND KILLED

I TRUST YOU V MUCH

DON'T MOVE!!

:D

YOU GOT CAUGHT GDIT WTF

:D

JUST...PUNCH THE WALLS UNTIL YOU FIND GREY FOX'S CELL. JESUS SNAKE.

:D

SUP. METAL GEAR'S A BIG NUCLEAR TANK THAT CAN MOVE AROUND ANYWHERE SO YOU KNOW STANDARD NUCLEAR STRIKE FROM ANYWHERE ON THE WORLD BUSINESS LOL. TALK TO DR. PETTROVICH FOR MORE. BYE SUCKER YOU'RE NEVER SEEING ME AGAIN (IN THIS GAME)

I HAVE NO WEAPONS

HI I AM A BOSS

D: BIG BOSS PLZ ASSIST

IF I HAD TO HAZARD A GUESS IT'D SAY IT'S IN ONE OF THE ROOMS OVER THERE SO TRY PUNCHING THROUGH THE WALL

I COULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT ON MY OWN! THANKS FOR NOTHING!

OH NO REMOTE CONTROLLED MISSILES MY ONE WEAKNESS

ARGH LASERS

ENEMY UNIFORMS? ARE THEY CUTE LITTLE SAILOR SUITS? <-- WTF BIG BOSS

HEY SUP, DR. PETTROVICH IN A CELL IN THE COURTYARD

ON MY WAY

MACHINE GUN KID: HI I AM THE SECOND BOSS

NO REMOTE CONTROLLED MISSILES MY ONE WEAKNESS

I HAVE TO PARACHUTE TO THIS GUY? YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING.

SO I AM UP ON THIS BUILDING NOW.

OH YEAH FORGOT TO TELL YOU, YOU HAVE TO GO BACKTRACK FOR A BOMB BLAST SUIT. SORRY ABOUT THAT.

YOU'RE THE WORST CO EVER.

OH GOD SWAYING BRIDGE OF INSTANT DEATH WHY DOES GOD HATE ME

HI I'M A HIND D AND ANOTHER BOSS

OH GOD

EXCEPT I'M NOT GOING TO FLY I'M JUST GOING TO SIT HERE AND LET YOU THROW GRENADES AT ME. NO! GRENADES! MY ONE WEAKNESS!

PARACHUTING D:

YOU WILL NEED SOME SORT OF CAMOUFLAGE WHERE THE VISIBILITY IS GOOD. YOU KNOW -- COVER YOURSELF WITH SOMETHING, OR WHATEVER. <--DIRECT QUOTE

YOU REALLY DON'T CARE DO YOU

PLZ GET IN THE TRUCK TO THE LEFT OVER

SURELY YOU WOULDN'T LIE TO ME

GDIT I AM BACK AT THE BOTTOM OF THE BUILDING I PARACHUTED FROM WTF BIG BOSS

HAHAHA

OKAY I HAVE PARACHUTED BACK IN AND

HI YEAH DR. PETTROVICH GOT MOVED TO A DIFFERENT BUILDING

@#%$^@!#%$@^%&#@

SUP LOL I'M ANOTHER BOSS

MINES NO MY ONE WEAKNESS

HEY I'M GOING TO CHANGE MY FREQUENCY NOW FOR NO REASON

???

::DISGUISES SELF AS SOLDIER::

LOL

LOL

LOL

::GETS INSIDE::

INTO THE SEWERS I GO

BULLDOZER: HI I'M A BOSS??? WHAT??

GRENADES NO MY ONE WEAKNESS

HEY, DR. PETTROVICH IS IN THE BASEMENT NOW

WHY DOES THIS MAN MOVE SO MUCH

GASMASK BLARGH

DR. P: HI.

FINALLY

DR.P?: LOL JUST KIDDING DR. PETTROVICH IS ACTUALLY ON THE SECOND FLOOR NOW SAY HI TO THIS PIT TRAP

OH SHI-

THANK GOODNESS I GOT OUT OF THAT SITUATION BY SIMPLY WALKING OUT OF THE ROOM. NOW I WILL GO THE SECOND FLOOR.

FIRE TROOPER: HI I'M A BOSS

BULLETS NO MY ONE WEAKNESS

ARGH GASMASK

ARGH GIANT ROLLING PINS WITH SPIKES ROLLING BACK AND FORTH IN ROOMS WHY WHAT INSANE ENGINEER WOULD DESIGN SOMETHING LIKE THIS

HEY AN ANTENNA

BIG BOSS: YO SUP THE TRANSCEIVER WAS BEING BLOCKED BEFORE BUT WE'RE COOL NOW <-- WHAT'S THE POINT OF THIS??

HEY YOU SHOULD CALL JENNIFER, BUT SHE WON'T TALK TO YOU IF YOU AREN'T PRETTY CLASSY AND BY CLASSY WE MEAN YOU WEREN'T SHOOTING POWS IN THE FACE.

JENNIFER: WHATEVER. FLAMETHROWER. STUFF.

HI

I SWEAR TO GOD

I WON'T TELL YOU ANYTHING UNLESS YOU SAVE MY DAUGHTER.

@#%@!!!

HELP

ARNOLDS: WE ARE ANOTHER BOSS

OH NO ROCKETS OUR ONE WEAKNESS

HEY GUESS WHAT YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH A DESERT MAZE NOW

WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME OH LORD

THX. MY DAD WAS BLACKMAILED INTO MAKING METAL GEAR.

TIME TO BACKTRACK

BODY ARMOR? A MAN DOESN'T NEED BODY ARMOR! <-- LINE DIRECTLY FROM THE GAME

METAL GEAR IS IN THE 100TH FLOOR OF BUILDING THREE. YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PUT PLASTIC EXPLOSIVES ON ITS FEET IN A SPECIFIC ORDER FOR REASONS BEYOND THE COMPREHENSION OF NORMAL HUMAN BEINGS. R, R, L, R, L, L, R, L, L, R, R, L, R, L, R, R

PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE JOKING. PLEASE. GOD PLEASE. <-- HE ISN'T

OH GOD SCORPION DESERT OH GOD

PLZ GO INTO THE TRUCK ON THE RIGHT OVER

OF COURSE

LOL

GDIT

HAHAHA

THANK GOD THERE IS AN ELEVATOR

WHY AM I GETTING AMBUSHED LIKE CRAZY ALL OF A SUDDEN IT IS ALMOST LIKE SOMEONE IS FEEDING THE ENEMY INFORMATION BUT WHO???

SCHNEIDER: HEY I'M THE RESISTANCE LEADER AND I KNOW WHO THE ENEMY LEADER IS

OMG

IT'S AAAARRRGH

:O

HAHA PAY NO ATTENTION TO THAT

ARGH LASERS

I AM A BOSS <-- THAT IS ACTUALLY HIS NAME I'M NOT JOKING

OH NO BULLETS MY ONE WEAKNESS

HAHAHA

I'M GOING TO GET YOU.

WAIT NO THE OPERATION IS CANCELLED GO AWAY

THE REAL LEADER OF OUTER HEAVEN IS.........................BIG BOSS!!!!!

:O

HAHA IGNORE THAT, TURN OFF YOUR GAME CONSOLE RIGHT NOW

METAL GEAR: >|

R L L R R L THIS IS THE STUPIDEST WAY TO BLOW UP A METAL GEAR EVER

METAL GEAR: *POW*

OUTER HEAVEN: SELF-DESTRUCT TIME!!!

METAL GEAR IS DEFEATED! WHERE IS THE COMMANDER?!

LOL

OMG IT'S YOU

LOL

Y????

WE SENT YOU ON THIS MISSION TO GET FALSE INFORMATION ON METAL GEAR AND YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO FAIL BUT THEN YOU DIDN'T! YOU ARE JUST TOO AWESOME! BUT NOT TOO AWESOME...FOR BULLETS!!!!!

:O

DIANE: HI I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BEAT BIG BOSS LOL JUST THOUGHT I'D TELL YOU BYE BYE

ROCKETS NO MY ONE WEAKNESS

WHY DOES SMOKING A CIGARETTE SLOW DOWN THE SELF-DESTRUCT TIMER?

OUTER HEAVEN: KABLOOIE

I'M GOING TO CALL BIG BOSS'S FREQUENCY AND TELL HIM THAT OPERATION INTRUDE N313 WAS A SUCCESS. <-- WTF SNAKE

CREDITS: LOL

I'LL BE BACK!!!

THANKS A MILLION FOR JOINING US. PLEASE SUPPORT OUR TROUPE'S NEXT PRODUCTION, METAL GEAR 2: SOLID SNAKE. IF YOU HAVE SUGGESTIONS PLEASE SCROLL BACK UP TO THE TOP OF THE PAGE BECAUSE WE'RE HAVING LINK LOCATION PROBLEMS. THE RELEVANT LINK SHOULD BE ABOVE THE ENTRY ITSELF. WE'RE NOT SURE WHO MOVED IT, BUT WE'RE BLAMING THE COPY BOY.

INDEX